You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

I moaned into the pillow as the alarm clock screeched. I swung my fist and it connected with something hard, then the ringing stopped. I smiled and buried myself back into the pillow. Kenneth stirred beside me, his arm resting on my naked back. I sighed and raised my head glancing at him, his face was relaxed as his body closely held against mine. I watched him with an intense glaze, I was more in love with him then he knew. His eyes fluttered open slowly as his eyes met mine and he smiled. “Are you watching me sleep?” I smiled embarrassed by being caught. I rolled my eyes and said playfully “Of course not. You’re not cute enough to be watched” He sat chuckling “Oh really?” He leaned forwards and kissed my lips softly. He smiled once he saw me blush deeply “You weren’t saying that last night” I laughed and pushed him away from me.

I heard the tremble in your voice cradle the fall
I know you'll never change so please just hold on
I know it's hard for you
it's hard to understand betrayal within
there is a fine line between betrayal (betrayal) and your friends

My phone sang through our laughter and it slowly faded, I reached over and answered it with a smile.

“Yo!”

“Babe! I’m downstairs, open the door”

I silently screamed as I stared wide-eyed at Kenneth who was lazily running his hand up and down my thigh through the crisp sheets. My eyes darted between him and the door quickly “Kay, gimme a minute I gotta throw some clothes on” Ashton chuckled “You still sleep naked?” I hopped out of bed and was throwing on some underwear and a big shirt. “Of course. Be down in a few” I hung up quick before he could even mutter a kay. I brushed my hair frantically as I stared at Kenneth who was now sitting up. “Get up” I said quickly, he pulled the sheets back and scratched his head “For what?” My eyes scattered around for my shorts. A flash of Kenneth taking them off with his teeth filled my head as I sighed frustrated. I found his shirt and threw it towards him, “Because!” I yelled “Your fucking brother is downstairs” Kenneth caught it between his fingers and threw it over his head. “What are we gonna do?” He asked with a small smile, I glared at him. Hating how he could be so careless at a time like this. I glanced around until my eyes settled on the perfect hiding spot. I stepped towards him and pushed him towards the balcony. “Hide here and be quiet!”

I opened the door with a carefree smile as he gave me his lopsided smile, the same smile his brother would give to me. My eyes darted down feeling guilty all over again, “Hey babe... you look pale what’s the matter?” He was so worried, but he didn’t know was that his brother was upstairs hiding from him. I felt sick to my stomach but I flashed him a loving smile, “I’m fine Hun, just fine” Ashton’s face frowned slightly as I let him in “Toni…I know what’s going on okay.. You don’t have to lie about it anymore” I froze my breath caught inside my throat, “W-what are you talking about?” I asked closing my eyes for a brief moment, he smiled softly and pulled me into a comforting hug. “I know that you’ve been smoking again” I exhaled slowly as he pulled back making me look into his eyes “Oh god Toni…you thought I wouldn’t notice. You smell like cigarettes” That’s because I’ve been around your brother…all night. I laughed nervously and said in a false cheerful voice “Oh damn you caught me Ash. I thought you would have never found out” He shook his head smiling “I may not look like it but I actually observe things a lot more closer than I need to” I sighed and glanced away.
Not close enough

Ashton left an hour after that and as soon as I closed the door behind him I felt sick all over again. I can’t keep doing this to him. I took deep shuddering breaths as I leaned over the sink, turning on the water and allowing it to pour through my fingers. I slashed some on my face and I drip down from my chin. “Hey…you feelin alright?” Kenneth’s southern voice asked from behind me. I glanced behind me and nodded slowly, letting my head rest on the sink’s cold surface. “I’m…fine” I said softly almost like a whisper. “Do you want me to go?” That was the question I asked myself multiple times, do I want Nixon to leave me alone…forever? Did I want him to stop giving me the thrill Ashton wasn’t? He did things Ashton won’t even try… the answer was....no….every time.

I rose up quickly and turned to face him, He was fully clothed and had his coat in his arms. I stumbled over towards him and rested my head on his shoulder. “Please don’t… don’t leave not yet” He dropped his coat onto the couch and wrapped his arms around me. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I pushed myself deeper into him inhaling his scent. And shrugged “I don’t even know anymore”