You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

I held my head in my hands, glancing up slightly to stare at the bar's entrance. Do I really wanna go through this again, Toni's words were echoing and slamming themselves around in my empty soul. "Don't give me that look, I know! You don't want to come home because you don't want to face the fact that we're falling apart!" My hand still rested on the door's handle and I was debating with myself for over 20 minutes before opening the door.

The cold air of fall greets me as I step out, slamming the door behind. Shoving my hands into my pockets to keep warm, When I near the door I push it open with my shoulder. Inhaling the smell of cigarettes and different varies of alcohol. I took a seat at a stool and and waited for the bartender to acknowledge me. "What'll it be, son" I glanced up from guiltly staring down at my hands and gave him a small smirk. "Give me one glass of JD, sir" He nods and returns the smile. "Good choice, you celebrating or something tonight?"

I pick at a fingernail and shake my head. "I just wanna get my head cleared right now" He is silent for awhile, I can hear the sound of the liquid hitting the clear glass. And as he sits it down in front of me, I am hesitate to pick it up. "Ahh. You did look like a recoverer.. how long has it been son?" I never take my eyes of the temping liquior. "3 years" I answer back, fiddling with my nervous fingers as I watched the little bead of water slid slowly off the glass's edge. The bartender chuckles slightly "Damn" He says. "It's been awhile then" I nod and sigh deeply. And when I glance up the bartender is giving me a serious face.
"You sure you wanna go down this road again, son?" I am quiet, silently asking myself the same question. Until suddenly the drink is tooken out of my sight. I look up, following it with my eyes. "Go home son, your wife is probably worried sick waiting on you"

"Kenneth.. is that you" I hear toni's voice ask me as I walk into our room. I kicked my shoes off at the door and glance around the dark room until I find her. "Yeah, babe it's me" I tell her. Pulling my shirt over my head while kicking off my pants. I hear her yawn and scratch the side of her head.

"Come to bed.. please?" She asks me in a gentle tone, patting the empty spot beside her. I nod again, walking over slowly towards the bed. When I climb in she cuddles up to my side and I cradle her tightly in my arms. "I'm sorry" she says to me in a quiet whisper. "I hate when we fight like that" I kiss the top of her head and hold her closely "me, too" She yawns again and takes a deep breath. "You were right.." I tell her suddenly after a moment of silent. Her voice is getting quieter and quieter, indicating that she was slowly falling asleep. "What are you talking about?" She says burying her face into my chest, inhaling slightly. "You were right when you said I couldn't face the fact...I know I can't" she doesn't speak and I'm glad. I didn't want to explain why, that would have to come in the morning.