You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

The knock on the door brings a smile to my face, as I walk over towards the door opening it to see Toni’s face. Her tanned skin glistening against the light the shone from the porce overlight. She was staring down at the ground, her jaw clenched before she looked up at me. Her bright brown eyes giving me a terrified look but her expression was strong and hardened. I cocked my head to the side, giving her a soft smile and it pains me when her facial expression didn’t even change. A honking noise makes me look up to see Ryan glaring at me from the curb nodding at toni who had glanced over her shoulder as well, I guess they were just as serious as I was. “You wanna come in” I asked her softly, making her turn her attention back towards me and she cleared her throat, her voice attempting to come across as bold was shaky when she answered lowly. “Y-yeah…” I stepped aside to let her in and she passed by me slowly, before glancing over her shoulder back at Ryan and nodding once more. My eyes narrowed, he claims to me that they're like brother and sister, but I feel like I’m seeing more than what I want to. I shook the thought off, not wanting to scare Toni who was glancing over towards me with a confused face when I still held the door open, giving Ryan a hard glare before finally I shut the door.

Toni tenses up once we are alone, and it makes the guilt send pain pricks up and down my spine. She pushes her hair behind her ear, a nervous habit I know so well especially when she’s extremely nervous. I didn’t want to make her nervous, I just wanted to talk. After a moment of silent she lets out a deep breath before asking in a small tone. “Where’s Kade” I smiled at her, sitting on the chair across from her, running my hand through my hair and motioning towards what was once our bedroom. She nods her head once, sending the stray hair that was tucked away to perfectly fall back into place. She clears her throat, shoving her hands into her pockets in hopes to keep them from fidgeting, she gives me a hard demanding look as she tells me in a calm tone. “Nixon” I cringed, I hated when she called me by my last name. It was meant only for friends, even when we first met I knew I had to have her no matter if she did belong to my little brother at the time, even then she wasn’t a friend, she was everything more. She was always more.

She took another breath, after watching my face convert into slight sadness before she contiuned. “I-I’m taking Kade” Her strong composer had crumpled just by my expression. I gave her a small desperate smile. “Toni, babe. Can we just talk about this” I brought myself to my feet, and walked over towards her stroking her puckered scar lightly. Toni’s body goes rigid, her face frozen with fear. I didn’t like it. I stroke her lips lightly with my thumb and smile at her as I stared deep into her eyes. “I’m so sorry Toni, you know I didn’t mean too. I would never do anything like ever again I promise. I love you so much, please don’t do this to me Toni.” I basically begged her, giving her a serious face as I stroked her lips lighter and lighter. Knowing those gentle and soft things were one of her very sensitive spots. Toni looked up at me slightly, before staring at her feet. “Remember toni all the time we had, and the laughs. What happened to us? When did we stop having fun?”

She looked back up at me, her bright brown orbs blending themselves into mine. Her facial expression crossed between confusion and fear. “We stopped, when reality came crashing down on us Kenneth” she told me softly, pulling her face away from my hand before turning onto her heels and walking towards our bedroom to Kade. I sighed deeply “toni, wait” I called out after her gently, following right behind her into our bedroom where she was walking around throwing Kade’s belongings into her diaper bag. I grabbed her arm gently and pulled her to my body, hugging her close to me before whispering into her hairline. “Toni, please. Just think about it before you do this” She sniffed heavily, and shook her head. “I can’t let you keep doing this to me Kenneth, I don’t deserve this.” I shoved her away from me violently, and she stumbled and tripped slightly on the edge on the bed.

“Well then what am I suppose too say Toni! I said I was sorry, what more do you want?!”

Toni wiped her face with the back of her hand before saying in a shaky tone. “Sorry, isn’t good enough anymore. It was never good enough, Kenneth and you know that” She whispered, but I didn’t care. This beautiful angel in front of me, was going to take everything away from me. “It’s about Brandon isn’t it!” I sneered at her, not bothering to lower my voice at all. “You just want to go away to spend time with Brandon isn’t it!?” She shook her head, her eyebrows pulling together in disbelief as she told me in another low whisper. “No.. Kenneth. This is about you hitting me! I am not doing this for me! I’m doing this for Kade, I don’t want you to start thinking its okay to hit her too!” Her words sting and for a moment I was tooken back a little. How dare she say that? Why would she say that? I didn’t believe her “No! I know that truth Toni and I’d hate to borrow this old saying but right now it fits the goddamn situation. If I can’t have you, then no one can. And I’ll make sure of that one Toni!” Her eyes got teary at me yelling at her, and slowly I lower my voice after practically calling her a cheater.

“Why would you say that, you know I would never do that to you because I love you” Her voice became rough, and her voice flew out dripping with venom. “The guilt is eating away at you already, isn’t it Kenneth! That’s the only reason why you keep accusing me of cheating” A sad but satisfied smirk grew on her face as she leaned close enough to my face that the tips of our noses were touching “You're cheating on me aren’t you Kenneth? Is it with that bitch Levi?” Black spots invaded my vision and I winched when I felt my hand come across Toni’s cheek without thinking, hard enough for her to fly back onto the bed once again, landing beside kade who was staring at me with wide terrified brown eyes. I froze, Toni moving after a moment and lifting herself up by her elbow, clutching her scar which was resplit open in pain, glaring at me through her thick eyelashes.

“I’m leaving you Kenneth”