You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

It was the words that I had never expected to hear, it felt like the world had come to a couple and abrupt stop. Toni gave me a hard look from the bed, and soon enough I had begun to panic. “Wait, toni no. You can’t do this to me” I begged her, my eyes widening with fear. “You can’t do this to me, Toni I need you!” I told her in a desperate plead but she didn’t even look at me, her raven black hair was shadowing her beautiful eyes as she told me in a cold tone.

“I don’t care anymore Kenneth, we don’t need this”

Her words sent daggers into my heart and I winched slightly, my eyes watering but she seemed unaffected just brought herself to her feet and grabbed Kade, balancing her on her hip while grabbing her diaper bag with her free hand before stalking out the bedroom door with heavy footsteps. “Toni! Please” I called out after her, following behind her. Watching as Kade still gave me a blank look with her huge brown doe eyes and my saddened pleads had become more and more pathetic by the second. “T-Toni” I was just stuttering now, tears pooling from my eyes and dripping down off my chin. “Y-you can’t” She had turned sharply on her heel, giving me angry eyes brimming with tears as well.

“Fuck you Kenneth!” She screamed out, startling Kade in the process and making her howl. “You’re trying to make yourself feel like the victim when you’re not! I was the one who couldn’t come to my own fucking house because your friends thought to themselves that it wasn’t safe for me to go home! I’m not doing this just to fuck with you or cheat on you when the reality is that I never had and probably never will! You’re just so sick in the goddamn head to figure that out by yourself. Just like your father!”

My eyes widened in shock and my breath had lodged a huge block of air in my throat so it was becoming for me to breathe as I stared up into her angry face, her tears spilling down her cheek as well. “I love you, I fucking love you Kenneth with everything in my entire body but I refuse to put Kade in jeopardy just because you want to use me as your punching bag!” She screamed into my face, her hair falling in front of her face with each word. I was just standing there speechless. “Toni, I’m sorry! What can I do, I’ll do anything!” The world around me was shattering and cracking at the skies, I grabbed onto one of her hands and brought it to my lips, laying a gentle kiss on it before repeating to her in a choked down, my southern accent becoming thicker and thicker with every word. “Anythang, Toni! Anythang!”

She sniffed, and snatched her hand away, using it to readjust the bag on her shoulder. “You can get your shit together, Kenneth. Start at doing that and then worry about me” And then she left, out the door, into the car, and down the street. I’ve never felt so beaten down in my life, I thought I had this shit under control, but I guess I was wrong. I stood in front of the open with a destroyed look splashed across my face. What was everything without Toni? What more did I fucking want if It wasn’t with toni? Nothing.

Nothing else mattered to me.