You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

“Toni wait, this isn’t what it looks like”

I lower my head, giving him a slow shake of my head before brushing past them to Kade’s room. Ryan walking behind me with wide eyes and a deep and angry frown settling on his face. I could hear the girl whisper to Kenneth in a low tone after Ryan bumped Kenneth’s shoulder roughly as he passed with a slight irritated growl leaving his parted lips “You told me your wife wasn’t here anymore!” She hissed at him angrily, but her voice was drained out right when I stepped into Kade’s room. I didn’t want to hear anymore, I didn’t want to care because I knew if I did I would cry. It hurt that much, but I was glad at least that I knew the truth now. Kenneth was scum, and that was all he was ever gonna be. Grabbing a small bag from the corner while dangling my duffel bag by my fingertips with the other hand for Ryan , who before taking it from my hand slowly gave me and long and sympathic look, I wouldn’t even look up to meet his glaze.

“You really don’t deserve this Toni” I stare down at my feet, my eyes watering slightly as my teeth sunk into my bottom lip to stop them instantly. Telling him in a tired and emotionless tone. “I know” He nodded once before trailing off to my room to grab my stuff for me. While I collected a couple more of her toys and a few more clothes before strapping the bag up and swinging it over to rest on my shoulder. I glanced up and watched as my own dull brown eyes watch me from the mirror. The scar on my cheek slowly healing, but not too much, my black hair pulled back into a messy bun exposing my pale face.

I allow my eyes to glaze over the remains of her bedroom, only just a few toys and decorations left. Until they come across an old family picture of us three altogether. Kenneth and I smiling brightly, with Kade balanced on my lap. Her big brown eyes wide with a childish grin on her face matching her father’s. I hear Kenneth scream at the woman hurtfully “Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch! I love her! I could give a damn about you!” Before hearing his heavy footsteps waltz over to bedroom that he and I use to share. I let out a light sigh when hearing a few harsh and angry words exchange between the both of them, Kenneth yelling at Ryan angrily. “She’s mine! You stay the fuck away from her! I will fix this!” He screams before Ryan’s dark chuckle fills my ears.

Kenneth came barging into Kade’s room, where he found me staring at a family picture of the three of us, happily smiling and hugging each other close with fresh tears in my eyes. We were so happy back then. His eyes welling up with tears as well, his body radiating desperation and his usual pathetic aura. I was beyond pissed, angry and hurt. But I didn’t want to show it, It would just be letting him win. I traveled around her room, aimlessly, trying to pay him no mind. Picking up anything I thought she would need to have, I would come back for whatever was left behind. “Toni please, I can fix this.” I ignored his words, stuffing teddy bears heavily into another small bag I had brought with me. “No, you can’t” I told him simply after a moment of silence.

“Yes I-“

“NO YOU CAN’T!”

I screamed at him, making him jump at my sudden change of volume. “You fucked up Kenneth big this time, and you can’t fix it!” I told him, stopping myself to fully glare at him angrily. I composed myself before speaking again, my voice now calm but still edged with angry bitterness. “I’m leaving you, Kenneth. I’m fucking leaving you” I rest the other bag on the bed, before twisting the wedding ring off my finger, opening his palm and placing the ring in it. “You fucked up this time” I whispered to him, grabbing the bag from the bad and holding onto both bags tightly while walking past him. My leather jacket, brushing against his shoulder as I passed. “T-toni” He was in hysterics now, his voice cracking as he called out to me but I wasn’t having it anymore. “T-toni-i” I walked inside my room, motioning to Ryan that I was ready to go. “T-toni p-please-e!” He whined out desperately making me close my eyes for a brief moment before continuing on, with Ryan behind me. And I walked out for the very last time.

When we pulled back up to Ryan’s apartment, he stopped the car and we sat there in the silence. My eyes staring blankly at my hands before my face scrunched up in pain, my vision blurring slightly from the tears as they all came pouring down my face. I slammed my hands over my eyes and buried my face deep into the them, sobbing heavily with little short gasps leaving my mouth every once in a while. Pulling my knees up to my face and crying harder, I cried for felt like whatever. Until suddenly my hands were removed from my face, and I was suddenly staring into Ryan’s angel-like face. His eyes filled with concerned as he wiped my tears away with his thumb, staring deeply into my eyes before pulling closer to my face. Wetting his lips lightly before parting them and gently pressing them against mine only barely. My eyes widened, and when he realized that I wasn’t kissing back he just pressed his lips against mine harder.

I was awkward at first, but then I didn’t want it to stop. It felt so wrong. Oh so wrong. I pushed myself away from him cautiously, letting a sigh slip out his lips before he ran his fingers through his hair. “God, I’m so sorry Toni. I didn’t mean to do that.. I was just.. you know.. and I’m sorry” I just nodded turning my face away from him, glazing out the window. “You don’t have to apologize, it’s fine”