You Know I Still Get Lost in Your Eyes

Was it bad that I was hoping, praying that it wouldn’t be true. I didn’t want this, not right now. Not at this moment, my head swirling with thoughts of how this could have possibly happened as I waited patiently. The anxiety digging itself into my skin. My eyes glancing over towards the clock feverishly as every second seemed to pass by in slow motion. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, trying to control my breath as it came out slowly through my clenched teeth. And once it was time, I stared at the positive sign with wide eyes, biting my bottom lip before allowing it to slip through my fingers and clatter onto the floor.

Staring blankly at the ground as I slammed my back against the wall allowing myself to slide down and fall onto the floor. I was stunned, listening to the silence before soft knocks brought me out of my trance. “Come in” I muttered out in a soft tone, never taking my eyes off the ground as Ryan entered with his worried eyes, the rest of Framing hanley boys behind him with the same expression as his.

“So? What was it?”

That was the answer they all wanted to know. I felt my eyes water without even realizing it as I glanced up at them. “It’s positive” I told them and a quiet and awkward silence swallows up around us. Chris was the first to speak, breaking the silence between all of us. “So.. what are you going to do?” I sniffed, and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Giving them a teary-eyes expression, but sniffling again and sighing.

I slumped my shoulders. “I-I don’t know. I can’t handle another baby right now with what’s going on. I can’t. I just can’t do it.” Brandon sat down beside me, patting my knee reassuringly like the best friend that he was. “You know you have us here, Toni. We’ll help you through this right guys?” Everyone nodded with a small smile, Ryan shoving his hands into his pockets before telling me in a quiet tone. “You and Kade can stay here with me until you find out what you want to do” I nodded and wiped at my eyes once more. “You still going through with the divorce” Ryan asked after another moment of silence. I brushed my hair away from my face before nodding. Luke sighed, sitting at the end of my feet and tapping them lightly with his fingers. “I know someone who could get you a job”

“And I could take you to go find apartments or something like that” Chris piped up, scratching the back of his neck before leaning his body against the doorframe. I smiled, trading glances with all of them before telling them in a calm tone. “Thanks so much, I don’t know what I would do without you guys..” I leaned my head against Brandon’s shoulder. They burst out into small smiles and the next silence was actually comforting until I let out a little girlish giggle making all of them give me a weird look. Their expression made me laugh harder covering my mouth slightly with my hand to contain the uncontrollable laughter that was spewing from my mouth. Ryan’s eyebrows knitted together in confusion as he traded glances with the boys.

“L-luke” I stuttered out, making myself laugh harder before getting it out between giggles. “Y-you sat on the pee stick” Luke’s face reddened with embarrassment as his face frowned down into an ‘ew’ expression, while we all burst out into coarse laughter. This feeling felt good, whatever it was called. It felt good just to feel it.

Ryan still felt bummed about yesterday and I could tell, I would glance up sometimes and catch him staring at me and turn away quickly from me when we met eyes. I bit my bottom lip before sighing, scooting closer over towards him and resting my head on his shoulder, feeling him stiffen under me but relax suddenly under my weight while he continued to lightly sketch long raven black hair. “Ryan” My voice drifting out into the empty air. “What’s wrong?” He stared at his stretch pad, using his thumb to blend the marks of the pencil together on the paper before telling me in his calm tone. “Nothing, Toni. I’m fine” I smirked and pull myself closer to his face, giving him a narrowed stare before grinning widely until finally he turned his head slightly to look at me.

A ghost smile playing on his lips “I wanna see your sketch pad” I told him, ripping it suddenly from his hands and bolting out of my seat. He jolted up quickly, while I twisted my body so he wouldn’t get it out of my hands. Turning the pages with my free hand and staring in amazement at a smiling picture of myself. My long hair curling around my face as my bright brown eyes stared back at me so filled with life and happiness.

I flipped through the sketch pad and there was more, a couple of them with me and kade. Another few of them with me in seductive poses staring lustfully back into my eyes. Ryan stopped struggling against me and slumped down. “Ryan.. what.. are..” I flipped through the rest until it ended with the picture he was drawing earlier now realizing that that was me as well. My hair drifting off to the side.

They were absolutely breathtaking. I turned towards him and he glanced down with embarrassment, turning his eyes away from me without a word. They were beautiful, and I swallowed before walking over towards him slowly, the sketch pad still tightly grasped in my hands. I lifted my free hand resting it under his chin and turning his face towards me. My eyes searching his face for anything, some type of emotion that would display on his face that would explain all this. He leaned closer into me his lips only merely inches away from mine and this time I wanted it. Maybe I was just caught up in the moment, his hot breath tickling my face as I stood on the tips of my toes angling my head and before our lips touched. Chris came bursting in.

“You guys!”

We pulled apart aburtly, watching Chris with wide eyes. Chris took a look at us and shook his head with a small smirk forming on his lips. Ryan swallowed roughly, giving Chris his calm expression once more before muttering out. “Well?” Chris sighed, brushing his hair away from his face.

“Kenneth’s in jail.”