I Just Wanna Be Bad Enough For You

Now, this is the part that is really going to suck. Lunch. The cafeteria is the perfect place to make anyone feel like an outcast. When you don’t know anyone it is just a thousand times worse. There is no one to keep your mind off of all of the stares and judgements being thrown at you as you try to eat in piece. I took my sweet ass time walking towards the cafeteria. I was thinking about ditching and just going to the art room to sketch or something, but I decided that if I want this year to be bearable than I need to at least try to socialize.

When I walked into the cafeteria everyone was giving each other hugs and saying how much they missed each other over the summer. If you really missed each other that much don’t you think you would have put an effort into hanging out over the summer? It never seems to fail how fake people act around each other to try to please each other.

“Hey.”

I looked up to see the cute guy from earlier standing next to me with his arm around my shoulder. He started walking me towards his table of friends.

“Want to sit with me and my friends?” He asked. Except, he wasn’t really looking for a response. He just expected the new girl to follow him wherever. When we reached the table I saw the annoying group from first period.

I let out a slight chuckle. “That’s OK.” I shook his arm from my shoulder and headed out of the cafeteria. I went to my locker and grabbed my sketch book before searching for the art room again. When I walked in I wasn’t expecting anyone to be in there, but to my surprise there was Ms. Brodeaur and another girl talking.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I mumbled before stepping out into the hallway.

“Wait!” Ms. Brodeaur called after me. “Did you you need to speak with me?”

“I was just wondering if I could sit in here and sketch.”

“Of course! Come in, come in.” She ushered me into the room where I took a seat at one of the front tables. The other girl and Ms. Brodeaur continued to chit chat for a few more minutes before the girl came and sat across from me.

“Hey! My name is Paige Cook,” she said extending her hand out for me to shake.

“Mackenzie Roberts.”

“So you’re the new girl from Dallas?” She asked with a bright smile across her face.

“How did you know that?” I asked. I get that a lot of people talk about the new kid. Everyone wants to know all the details. Is she DTF? Is she a lesbian? Is she a nerd? Is she a serial killer? OK, maybe not the last one. But, you get my point. I never understood why people wouldn’t just come and ask me directly. I guess, the same reason why I never went and talked to any of the new kids at my old school. No one wants to go into uncharted territory. For all they know, I could be a complete freak. I mean, I do have my problems, but I don’t think that I come off as that strange. Maybe they can all see straight through me. Maybe they already know about all of my problems.

“Sorry, but everyone is talking about you all over this school. It’s kind of rude don’t you think? I’m happy I got to actually talk to you and not just hear about you. That’s cool that you really like art. Not that many people are into here. They are all into the sports teams and the academic stuff and the local bands. I mean, it’s cool if you are into that type of stuff too. But, it’s nice to see someone other than me taking their lunch break to draw or paint. Can I see your sketch book?”

I hesitantly handed it to her. I don’t even know what to say to her. She talks a lot. I don’t even know if I actually heard everything she said. I had to kind of piece everything together. At least she is giving me some time so I can digest everything she said and come up with an answer.

“Yeah, I’m from Dallas. My dad moved here for business and dragged us all along with him. Drawing keeps me sane, so you will probably be seeing a lot of me. I am kind of a nerd, but just with literature and history. I really enjoy reading and writing, but give me some math problems and I am completely clueless. And I’m not really a sports person, at all.”

“You are really good! These are really amazing. You should paint or draw some of these on a larger canvas and put them up for the art show next month.” She handed me back my book. I ran my palm over the leather cover and smiled to myself. I like knowing that someone things my art work is actually good.

“So what about music? What type of music do you like?”

“A lot of punk rock type stuff, a little hardcore stuff too.”

“Well, then you are definitely in the right area to hear some awesome local bands. Are you doing anything this weekend?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then you definitely have to come to a show with me on Friday. Two of the bands playing are from our school. They are really good! I think you will have fun.”

“Sounds good.”

--------------------

The next day I was minding my own business and walked into my Drawing & Painting class to find the tall, lanky boy sitting in my seat. I took a deep breath and approached him without making eye contact. I set my books down on the table and waited for him to move. No luck. He just sat there, looking up at me with his big eyes like a lost puppy.

“Can I help you?” I asked completely irritated. I just wanted to sit down. I am perfectly fine keeping to myself and minding my own business. I just want to survive this year with out gaining any enemies or starting any drama.

“My name is Jack,” he said with a big goofy grin.

“Mackenzie,” I stated flatly. I didn’t want to be a complete bitch to the guy. Even though him and his group of friends were really annoying yesterday. And he is friends with the jerk that was laughing at my expense after I fell on the ground.

“Could you get out of my seat, please?”

“After you answer a few questions for me. Because my friend has the hots for you and wants me to find out as much info as possible and then clue him in. That way he doesn’t offend you or make a complete ass out of himself like he normally does.”

“You aren’t a very good wing man, ya know that?” I chuckled a little.

“So what is your favorite color?”

I started laughing again. Is this kid serious? Who gives a fuck what my favorite color is. Most guys just want to know how far I’ve gone or how many guys I’ve been with. Or they at least want to know if I have a boyfriend or not.

“I’m serious!” He pouted, crossing his arms.

“Red.” I actually smiled. A real, genuine smile. Maybe I need to give this kid another chance. He is cute. In an adorable, little brother way. We chatted a little bit longer until class started. He was asking all these really random questions. It was as if he actually wanted to get to know me. And he was going to take his time doing so. He didn’t ask any super personal questions that would make me feel awkward. It made me think about like when you are in kindergarten and you base your friendship off of all the little things, like who your favorite Care Bear is or what you have on your lunch box.

I always wished that things could be simple like they were in elementary school. When looks didn’t matter. When having dirt under your finger nails wasn’t a crime. When the only relationships I had to worry about were friendships. When nap time was a pain in the ass. And when the secrets you kept were where you hid your favorite doll.

When the bell rang I snapped out of my daze and immediately headed for the door. But, before I made it to the door Jack stopped me in my tracks and made me pinky promise to sit with him and his friends at lunch. How could I not accept? It would be easy enough to ditch, but maybe I really should try to make more friends. Yes, I met Paige. But, only having one friend wouldn’t get me far. If I have to live in this hell hole I at least better have some sort of connections to some awesome parties.

I wasn’t necessarily excited for lunch now that I had people to sit with, but it’s not like going to class is my favorite thing either. The only class I even somewhat enjoy is my AP Literature class. And that is only because we get to read more and write actual stories, not just analysis papers.

The second I saw Jack and his table of friends I was beckoned over. Jack came sprinting over, yes sprinting, and grabbed my hand. He wasn’t satisfied til I was sitting down at the table. I felt really strange when I sat down. And I didn’t notice the cute guy from yesterday there yet. I felt like I was being judged and interrogated even though no one had said a word yet. All eyes were on me. I mean, they were already best friends. Why would they want another person to add to their group?

“Hi,” I said with a weak smile. “My name is Mackenzie.”

Everyone introduced themselves and had a polite wave or hand shake to go along with it. I was warming up to Rian and Kara, but Lisa didn’t seem interested. She sat there silently, just picking at her salad, unless she had some rude comment. And the sad thing is, I am pretty sure she was holding back. After some small tack the other boy still hadn’t shown up.

“Where is your friend?” I asked.

“Alex?” Jack seemed way too happy to hear me ask about him.

“Yeah.” I was only slightly confused. “He was the one that wanted to introduce me to you guys yesterday.”

“He’s probably jacking off in the bathroom.” I was a little taken aback by the crude comment, but laughed a little anyways. “Where did you go yesterday anyways? You took one look at us and just took out of here like a fucking freight train.”

“Sorry about that. Not to be rude, but you guys were really obnoxious and kinda annoying yesterday in our Drawing & Painting class and I don’t know. Being the new kid just isn’t easy. I don’t really want to be here and I was just acting like a bitch yesterday. I went to the art room to draw. My art is the one thing that keeps me sane.”

“No worries,” Jack said swinging his arm over my shoulders and resting his head on mine. “You are going to fit into our group fine and be my new BFF.”

Maybe this school wont be that bad. Maybe I will make some real friends. Maybe I will actually have fun this year. Maybe I can just forget about all my problems. Maybe this is just what I need.