Dirty Little Secret

"Our appointment is in an hour!” I heard but the voice sounded muffled.
I pushed my head up off the pillow. I hadn’t gotten much sleep after the chat we had last night; my brain was thinking at a thousand miles per hour, making it almost impossible to sleep.

“57 minutes now Matt get up!” Val didn’t sound mad but nervous, making me get out bed quickly, pulling a pair of clean jeans over my boxers along with a tee shirt. I walked down stairs to see her sitting on the couch with keys in hand, ready to go.

“Did you eat breakfast hon?” I knew I wasn’t going to unless I wanted see it again in the toilet; my nerves were starting to get to me.

“No, too nervous.”
“Okay am I driving?” She answered by throwing me the keys that were in her hand.

***
“No matter what you know I love you right?” I asked her after we sat down in the waiting room once we got signed in. The only fertility clinic in Huntington Beach is also an OBGYN. Who was fucking stupid enough to come up with that idea?

Now as we are waiting to see if we can even become parents, we have to sit next to a pregnant woman that has a huge smile on her face reading a magazine without having to worry about if she could conceive or not because it was very clear that she could.

Valery kept on looking at the pregnant woman out of the corner of her eye, thinking I didn’t know what she was doing. I saw it in her eyes that she was progressively getting more scared by the passing minute. I grabbed her hand making her look at me instead of the other woman.

“Sweetie, don’t get yourself all worked up now. It could be nothing. Things will be okay as soon as we talk to the doctor.” I tried to give her the smallest bit of comfort still scared beyond belief myself and we hadn’t even seen the fucking doctor yet!

Trying to distract myself from the situation at hand I looked around the little waiting room. There are two types of people and couples in the same room but their concerns the complete opposite from each other. One group of people are pregnant waiting to get an ultrasound to see if their babies are healthy and the others are hugging each other scared out of their minds hoping there is nothing wrong with them. Thinking back to high school, I wasn’t the most innocent kid in the place. I did drugs and I went to parties weekly. I ran my hands over my face hoping that my stupid past decisions don’t come back to haunt me.

“Sanders? Matthew and Valery Sanders?” I picked my head up at the sound of our names being called. I stood up, smoothing out my shirt and holding my hand out for Valery to grab which she did. The nurse in pink scrubs smiled at us as she let us down the halls that smelt of sterilizer; the smell that had always made my nose burn. The same nurse opened a door at the very end and walked us in as Valery was still clutching to my arm. The nurse put the charts she had in her arms on the counter next to the sink and turned around to look at us.

“Dr. Renke will be in shortly.” She gave us a small smile and left, closing the door behind her. I rubbed her knuckles with my thumb looking at the clock on the wall.

“Matt…” She was about to ask me a question when there was knock on the door and a middle aged man came in the room. He looked about forty, no way he knew who I was or Avenged Sevenfold so I didn’t have to worry about him squealing to the magazines.

“Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Sanders. What I got from my assistant is that you guys are having a problem with conceiving. Is this why you are here today?” I don’t like him already. He was talking to us in that ‘I know everything about this situation but I didn’t read either of your charts so tell me what’s going on.’ This is why I don’t like going to doctors.

“Yeah… I guess so, we’ve been trying to get pregnant for 4 months now and we haven’t gotten pregnant; then I… I mean we have started to worry if we can’t get pregnant. I mean we don’t do drugs, we don’t drink every night and the worst habit we both have is that was smoke; I didn’t think smoking would change anything with our fertility.” I swear she didn’t take a breath when saying all of this.

“Ma’am take a breath. So you’ve been trying with no success? So what you want to do today is to be tested to see what your fertility status is?” Isn’t that what she said dip shit. He had to make sound even more technical than it really is. I looked at Valery on my left who was bobbing her legs nervously once again probably thinking the same think as I was.

“Will we get the results today?” She asked, I think waiting for results would drive us completely mad.

“Yes you will know by the time you leave today. Let me get started on your tests. Mr. Sanders I will need a sperm sample.” A WHAT!?

“How?” How the fuck am I going to give him a fucking SPERM sample!?

“Ejaculate into a cup oh course. We have a room especially for this purpose; stocked with arousing magazines and videos. I’ll be right back with a specimen cup.” And he left closing the door behind him like the nurse had done. This is going to be interesting.

“Oh sweetie it won’t be so bad will it?”
“Na, I just have to jerk off into a plastic cup for this whack job.”

“True, but hey you get to think of me the entire time.” Very true, you in lingerie and slowly gliding your fingers over my chest until you reach my…

“Snap out of it Matt! Its not time yet to fantasize.” Right, she grabbed my hand back and giggled. I kissed her ear and whispered ‘I love you’ in her ear. She hugged me while still sitting in the very uncomfortable plastic chairs. We sat in silence for another ten minutes until the doctor came in again. He put the cum cup on the counter and looked at Valery before he started to talk.

“Now with you we have to do a physical exam. So put this gown on and we will get Matt in the other room.” He said and motioned me to come with him but Val had other plans. She grabbed my arm before I could stand up.

“Can he stay for my exam? Id feel more comfortable with him here.” The doctor sighed, we must be wearing on his patience; good. He just nodded and proceeded to leave.

***
The doctor had said the exam went well but as he did the exam I saw his face fall ever so slightly. Val didn’t see it because she was looking at me while holding my hand. We were now waiting for him to process the results, by the look on him face it wasn’t good and he didn’t even make me give him a sample. I knew something was wrong. Val was dressed and she clung onto me on the verge of tears not knowing what was going to happen.

“No matter what happens Val it'll be okay.” I whispered in her ear but she pulled her head away from mine. She looked at me with her eyes glazing over before she said anything.

“No it won’t! We already know there’s something wrong with me because he didn’t make you do anything! I didn’t do anything wrong why is this happening to us?” She was jumping to conclusions but I would too.

“Sweetie lets just listen to the doctor when he gets in okay?” She let me hug her again and as we let go the doctor walked in. The look on his told me we will never have children of our own, ever.