I'm the Bone You Couldn't Break

He was pale and skinny, like a dead man walking, or rather, running up stairs. His eyes were all pupil, clearly he had been using earlier that night. Inside the stairwell, his labored breath echoed back to his own ears, making his nervous heart beat faster. His black hair hung around his face in greasey tendrils, clearly unwashed.
He burst through the door to the fifth floor of the apartment building, barreling down the hall, not stopping soon enough and crashed into her door, 513. He knocked furiously, praying she'd answer, knowing she probably wouldn't.
The door creaked open. "Angelo? Did you bring my medicine?" the voice croaked hoarsely. Nestled inside worn blankets was a frail looking woman. Her hair was gone, her eyes seemed alien, clouded over and in pain.
"Maria?" The man breathed out, his addled mind afraid of the woman before him.
She inhaled sharply. "Brian, why are you here?"
"I had to see you, I didn't believe it. It's true, though?" Brian whimpered.
Maria sighed, stepping aside to allow him into her apartment, moving the IV out of the way. "It's true. I'm dying. And you're high."
He crossed his arms across his chest. His ex-lover was blind, but she could tell. He took a step inside. "Has it finally spread?"
"It's in all my organs now. It's only a waiting game. All they can give me is pain meds. I could go at any minute," she said, clambering onto the hospital bed in her living room. The beep of her heart rate tick tocked in the nearly empty room, driving him mad.
He stood beside her and took her clammy hand in his. "It's so hard to see you so broken," he mumbled.
"Because you didn't break me yourself?" Maria mused. "I'm the bone you couldn't break, Bri."
"You've been a dark and heavy weight, Maria, following me around, every place I've gone. You aren't ready to die," he whined.
She smiled. "I have fought my battle and I've stared down the barrel of a gun. Now it's time for a new battle. A battle for the sun. And I won't stop until I'm done. I've gone and brushed off all the dirt, said it didn't hurt, and I'm ready."
"But I'm not ready for you to die," he pleaded.
"Brian, you are getting in the way of my dying in peace plan," she said with a smile, squeezing his shaking hand.
"Maria, you need to fight," Brian implored.
She placed a hand on his face and smiled. "You're so thin, you should eat more. Brian, I love you deeply, but I have to battle for the sun now, not this. You have to let go, dream brother, my killer, my lover."
He sighed, overwhelming grief flooding his hyper-active senses. Gently, he leaned over and placed a kiss on her chapped and cracking lips, tearings flowing.
"Stay here tonight," she asked of him.
He could only nod, laying beside her. "Baby, did you take your meds?"
"Yeah," she said faintly.
Her heart beat sounded throughout the room, sounding like a clock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tock.
Softly, he started to sing. "It doesn't hurt me. You wanna feel how it feels? You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You wanna hear about the deal I'm making? You be running up that hill. You and me be running up that hill. And if I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building. If only I could, oh. You don't wanna hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There's a thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love. Tell me, we both matter, don't we? You, be running up that hill. You and me, be running up that hill. You and me won't be unhappy. And if I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building. If only I could, oh. C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon darling, let me steal this moment from you now. C'mon angel, c'mon, c'mon darlling, let's exchange the experience, oh. And if I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, with no problems. And if I only could, make a deal with God, and get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, with no problems. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill. If only I could, be running up that hill." It was the song that got her through her diagnosis. Silently, he swore to himself that he would cover the song when he had a chance to.
He cursed cancer, cursed death. The afterlife was something to keep your eyes on, a bitter pill to take each day. In all his loathing, he hated himself the most. When she told him the news, he broke. Started drinking, drugs, and sleeping with anyone who'd let him in their bed. She called it "Corazon de cenicero." Ashtray heart. He was a shadow of the man that he had been. He gave up the fight, with no second chances. His bonds were shackle free, lust and lunacy.
His firey Latina had lost her spark, and he couldn't reignite it. He could remember thinking, "Fall into you is all I seem to do. When I hit the bottle, cause I'm afraid to be alone, tear us into two, is all it seems to do." He would have done anything to fix her. Any glue, any bag of tricks, but she was a person, and much too broke to fix.
God, his chest hurt. Faintly, he mused, a heart that hurts is a heart that works.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tock. Still, her heart played on. He hoped he'd rise above this. He knew he'd cry over this.
He would have married her. He really would have. He thought back to the time when they were okay. Smiles and laughs. Kisses and caresses. Drinks were for fun and celebration. Love was not made in desperation but in love.
It was a slow disease, cancer, he thought. It came in like the tide, would waver, but always return. The kings of medicine would try. But their powers would fade and falter, dying eventually, as the patient loses the battle.
He was in an alcoholic sort of mood. But, slowly, he realized Maria was his muse. His beautiful, wonderful muse.
He wanted another fix. His sweet prince was beckoning. Her sound breathing and the tick tock of her heart were the only things that let him know she was alive. He began to drift towards uneasy unconciousness. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tock.
*****
Waking up, it was too quiet. Brian still felt Maria next to him, but something was off. To his horror, he realized the tick tock of her heart had stopped. He pressed his lips to her cold pair, and searched for the phone. He found it in a mess of pill bottles. He called emergency services and explained the situation.
He paced while waiting for them to arrive. Going over to her, he whispered in her ear, "Without you, I'm nothing."
*****
In his flat, he kept a constant supply of partners, booze and drugs. None of them could satisfy him, though. Brian had become a monster.
He would put men on their knees before taking them roughly. Women were no different. A bottle of hard liquor was a constant in his hand. Sobriety was a thing of the past.
In a moment of ultimate sorrow, he sat on the floor with a notepad and wrote, the ink blurring with tears. "I, I, I will battle for the sun, sun, sun. And I, I, I won't stop until I'm done, done, done. You, you, you are getting in the way, way, way. And I, I, I have nothing left to say, say, say. I, I, I, I, I will brush off all the dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt. And I, I, I, I, I will pretend it didn't hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt. You, you, you, you, you are a black and heavy weight, weight, weight, weight, weight, weight, weight. And I, I, I, I, I will not participate, pate, pate, pate, pate, pate, pate. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. I, I, I will battle for the sun, sun, sun, sun. Cause I, I, I have stared down the barrel of a gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun, gun. No fun, you, you, you, you, you are a cheap and nasty fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. And I, I, I, I, I am the bones you couldn't break, break, break, break, break, break, break, break! Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. Dream brother, my killer, my lover. I, I, I will battle for the sun."