Young and Pregnant
The Truth Will Out
Her hands were shaking as she stood in the bathroom stall, tapping her foot and sending a silent prayer to the ceiling. Every second was tangible and she looked everywhere but at the little plastic stick sitting on the back of the toilet. Her thoughts raced; what should she do, what if it's positive, how could she tell Alec when he's leaving? The what if's were endless and she kept looking at her cell phone, waiting for the 0 to flip to 1.
4:31. Reckoning time.
She looked up at the ceiling, sent up one last prayer, and picked up the pregnancy test with trembling, tentative fingers. A slight moan escaped her throat and her knees buckled. She slid to the floor and sobbed, the two dark lines on the screen confirming her worst fears.
"Fuck," she said, bitterly choking on the word. She shook her head, eyes closed.
"Fuck," she whispered, and slammed the test against the floor, hearing it crack. Her head hung and she could feel hot tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes and dropping into her lap.
She shook her head and said "No." She got to her feet, feeling strong and able to deal with this. She would figure it out; she always did. She just had to get up and out. Go home, sit on the couch with a good book and forget for a bit, and then deal with it.
Deal with it. Could she? Alec would be so upset. But he's leaving, she rationalised. He's leaving and I won't, can't do this alone.
She sighed and opened the bathroom stall, dragging a hand across her face and smearing the mascara on her tear-wet eyes across her cheeks. She stood at the sink and looked at her reflection. Do it. Or don't, her reflection said. You're strong enough to do it alone, it said.
"But I'm not," she said, and walked out of the bathroom, wiping mascara off and leaving the coffee shop to head home, ashamed at her red face, knowing that everyone in the café knew. She felt the sun on her neck as she stepped outside and walked around the building, and marveled at the heat. Shouldn't the sun have gone in, the sky filled with clouds and spilling over rain? Didn't the weather know her world was crashing down around her?
--
Alec was frustrated. Forms, papers, waivers, all this bullshit needing to be signed, filled out and checked over. As he flipped the fifteenth page of at least a thirty page form, his phone beeped. Pulling it out, he flipped it open and read the text from Cassandra.
hey, can u come over? its important.
He groaned, wondering what now. She'd been on his back since talking to the recruiter, harping about how he could still change his mind, it wasn't done, not really.
What? he replied, his fingers flying over the keys. He closed his phone again and went back to the forms, skimming to find places where he had to sign or fill things in. The next page was for contact information; In case of emergency he read, before his phone beeped again.
please, we rly need to talk, Cassandra sent.
Alec sighed, and replied shortly: fine. He stood up from where he sat as his wide mahogany desk, and grabbed a blue hoodie from off his bed. His keys were pulled from the wall and as he left his room he shouted to his parents "I'm going to see Cass, I'll be back in a while."
--
Cassandra's hands were shaking as she read the last text from Alec. He was still mad at her, she could tell.
"And now, you're just going to be angrier. God we're idiots," she mumbled to herself, standing on the deck of her parents house, looking out over the woods which the property backed onto. She remembered the night they spent out there, no company but the sky and the blanket on which they lay. She closed her eyes and smiled, remembering his soft skin and the way she shivered from the breeze and his fingertips. A chill came over her and she trembled, remembering how they tore off each other's clothes and fumbled their way through sex. She remembered falling asleep afterwards, wrapped in the blanket, and waking up cold and wet, but smiling.
The remembered smile faded, and her hands came to rest on the coarse wooden rail, her nails digging into the wood. She remembered how stupid they'd been- how could they have forgotten protection? Cassandra shook her head and turned away from the woods, looking down at the evenly spaced planks of the deck and counting the little black ants crawling across them.
The sliding door opened with a rasp and Cassandra looked up, startled. Lost in thought, she'd missed the passing time and hadn't noticed Alec come in the front door.
He stood in the doorway and stared at her, his lips pursed and unimpressed, still wondering why she wanted him there. Cassandra's lower lip trembled and she burst into tears, reading the set lines of his face and casting her eyes away from them, knowing that he wouldn't forgive her, not for this.
"Please, I'm s-sorry," she stammered, pleading for what, he didn't know, as he watched tears running down her face and she looked at her feet. Alec didn't move from where he stood, silent. Cassandra looked up at him again, her face twisting in a frown.
"Alec," she said quietly, half reaching out a hand to him.
"What, Cassandra," he said tersely.
She bit her lip and turned away from him, and dragged the back of her hand across her nose. Her hands went to the rail again. He heard her whisper something and didn't understand what she said. Stepping onto the deck, he walked to her and grabbed her arm, turning her around and hearing himself start to shout.
"What Cassandra, what is it now? What possible thing have you come up with to get me to change my mind?" He yelled, his face close to her and his eyes watching her crumble, "What is your fucking issue with this anyways? I'm in, I can't change my mind, what sort of person do you think I am that I would do that? You know me, I don't fucking just up and leave once I've agreed to something, it's just not me. How dare you try to keep me from doing this? It is my choice if I want to fight for something I believe in, and you don't get to tell me otherwise!" His voice was loud and he could see Cassandra flinch with every exclamation.
"Alec, please," she whimpered, leaning away and out over the railing which pressed into the small of her back.
"Please, what, Cassandra? You can't say anything to make me change my mind. You can't, and that you even try..." Alec stopped, and turned away, pressing a hand to his forehead and brushing his dark hair back. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to be mad at you, I want you to accept this!" he said, turning around again to grasp both of her arms tightly, "Please, can't you understand?"
"Alec, I..." she said quietly, looking up into his intense face and unsure of how to say it, how to tell him that their lives were changed.
"No Cass. You don't get it, do you. You never will," he stated. He shook his head, disgusted, and tossed her arms back at her. Swallowing the lump rising in his throat, he turned to leave, prepared to walk out of her life.
From behind him, Cassandra started to openly sob, and this time he heard her quiet words, even though they were punctuated by a ragged gasp, "Alec," she said, "Alec, I'm pregnant."
4:31. Reckoning time.
She looked up at the ceiling, sent up one last prayer, and picked up the pregnancy test with trembling, tentative fingers. A slight moan escaped her throat and her knees buckled. She slid to the floor and sobbed, the two dark lines on the screen confirming her worst fears.
"Fuck," she said, bitterly choking on the word. She shook her head, eyes closed.
"Fuck," she whispered, and slammed the test against the floor, hearing it crack. Her head hung and she could feel hot tears rolling out of the corners of her eyes and dropping into her lap.
She shook her head and said "No." She got to her feet, feeling strong and able to deal with this. She would figure it out; she always did. She just had to get up and out. Go home, sit on the couch with a good book and forget for a bit, and then deal with it.
Deal with it. Could she? Alec would be so upset. But he's leaving, she rationalised. He's leaving and I won't, can't do this alone.
She sighed and opened the bathroom stall, dragging a hand across her face and smearing the mascara on her tear-wet eyes across her cheeks. She stood at the sink and looked at her reflection. Do it. Or don't, her reflection said. You're strong enough to do it alone, it said.
"But I'm not," she said, and walked out of the bathroom, wiping mascara off and leaving the coffee shop to head home, ashamed at her red face, knowing that everyone in the café knew. She felt the sun on her neck as she stepped outside and walked around the building, and marveled at the heat. Shouldn't the sun have gone in, the sky filled with clouds and spilling over rain? Didn't the weather know her world was crashing down around her?
--
Alec was frustrated. Forms, papers, waivers, all this bullshit needing to be signed, filled out and checked over. As he flipped the fifteenth page of at least a thirty page form, his phone beeped. Pulling it out, he flipped it open and read the text from Cassandra.
hey, can u come over? its important.
He groaned, wondering what now. She'd been on his back since talking to the recruiter, harping about how he could still change his mind, it wasn't done, not really.
What? he replied, his fingers flying over the keys. He closed his phone again and went back to the forms, skimming to find places where he had to sign or fill things in. The next page was for contact information; In case of emergency he read, before his phone beeped again.
please, we rly need to talk, Cassandra sent.
Alec sighed, and replied shortly: fine. He stood up from where he sat as his wide mahogany desk, and grabbed a blue hoodie from off his bed. His keys were pulled from the wall and as he left his room he shouted to his parents "I'm going to see Cass, I'll be back in a while."
--
Cassandra's hands were shaking as she read the last text from Alec. He was still mad at her, she could tell.
"And now, you're just going to be angrier. God we're idiots," she mumbled to herself, standing on the deck of her parents house, looking out over the woods which the property backed onto. She remembered the night they spent out there, no company but the sky and the blanket on which they lay. She closed her eyes and smiled, remembering his soft skin and the way she shivered from the breeze and his fingertips. A chill came over her and she trembled, remembering how they tore off each other's clothes and fumbled their way through sex. She remembered falling asleep afterwards, wrapped in the blanket, and waking up cold and wet, but smiling.
The remembered smile faded, and her hands came to rest on the coarse wooden rail, her nails digging into the wood. She remembered how stupid they'd been- how could they have forgotten protection? Cassandra shook her head and turned away from the woods, looking down at the evenly spaced planks of the deck and counting the little black ants crawling across them.
The sliding door opened with a rasp and Cassandra looked up, startled. Lost in thought, she'd missed the passing time and hadn't noticed Alec come in the front door.
He stood in the doorway and stared at her, his lips pursed and unimpressed, still wondering why she wanted him there. Cassandra's lower lip trembled and she burst into tears, reading the set lines of his face and casting her eyes away from them, knowing that he wouldn't forgive her, not for this.
"Please, I'm s-sorry," she stammered, pleading for what, he didn't know, as he watched tears running down her face and she looked at her feet. Alec didn't move from where he stood, silent. Cassandra looked up at him again, her face twisting in a frown.
"Alec," she said quietly, half reaching out a hand to him.
"What, Cassandra," he said tersely.
She bit her lip and turned away from him, and dragged the back of her hand across her nose. Her hands went to the rail again. He heard her whisper something and didn't understand what she said. Stepping onto the deck, he walked to her and grabbed her arm, turning her around and hearing himself start to shout.
"What Cassandra, what is it now? What possible thing have you come up with to get me to change my mind?" He yelled, his face close to her and his eyes watching her crumble, "What is your fucking issue with this anyways? I'm in, I can't change my mind, what sort of person do you think I am that I would do that? You know me, I don't fucking just up and leave once I've agreed to something, it's just not me. How dare you try to keep me from doing this? It is my choice if I want to fight for something I believe in, and you don't get to tell me otherwise!" His voice was loud and he could see Cassandra flinch with every exclamation.
"Alec, please," she whimpered, leaning away and out over the railing which pressed into the small of her back.
"Please, what, Cassandra? You can't say anything to make me change my mind. You can't, and that you even try..." Alec stopped, and turned away, pressing a hand to his forehead and brushing his dark hair back. "I don't want to do this. I don't want to be mad at you, I want you to accept this!" he said, turning around again to grasp both of her arms tightly, "Please, can't you understand?"
"Alec, I..." she said quietly, looking up into his intense face and unsure of how to say it, how to tell him that their lives were changed.
"No Cass. You don't get it, do you. You never will," he stated. He shook his head, disgusted, and tossed her arms back at her. Swallowing the lump rising in his throat, he turned to leave, prepared to walk out of her life.
From behind him, Cassandra started to openly sob, and this time he heard her quiet words, even though they were punctuated by a ragged gasp, "Alec," she said, "Alec, I'm pregnant."