Permanent

Love is pain.

True love is a needle plunging into your back at 190 hits-per-minute.

James’s chin rested against his interwoven fingers, hazel eyes trained on the headlights of the cars driving past, a failed attempt at detracting from the sense of touch. The black vinyl of the seat beneath him clung to the skin of his abdomen, tugging in places as he subtly shifted his weight. Across the broad stretch of his back, the sting of the tattoo gun was becoming more numbing than painful, and the boy’s gaze drifted to the blotched remnants of the reference sketch.

Her name was sketched out in bold, slightly cursive letters, not too feminine, but soft enough to be beautiful. A perfect balance, just as she was, so in a way, aside from the name, it was a perfect representation.

James knew that he was taking a risk, getting a girl’s name etched into his skin, especially since they weren’t on the best of terms at that moment in time. But regardless of how things were going between them, she wasn’t just a girl, she was Autum, and he knew that he’d always have a place in his soul for her. And so he decided to get her name tattooed across his back, and now he was lying in the chair, listening to the tattoo artist, Chris, try to make small talk to loosen him up. It wasn’t really working. Though the first few moments had been painful, James wasn’t so concerned about the tattoo. The thoughts floating around in his brain proved to be distracting enough.

When he’d spelled out her name at the front counter, Chris had responded with a raised eyebrow, an unspoken question hanging off the tip of his tongue. It was a look James was sure Autum had gotten all of her life, and it felt nice to get a little glimpse into that, if only for a moment.

“No ‘n’,” he reassured with a smile as he continued to explain the look he was going for.

Now, James could feel the needle inching closer to his spine, the pain suddenly intensified. Though he knew he wasn’t supposed to tense up, he couldn’t help but grind his teeth.

“So who’s the girl?” Chris asked. James tried to decipher the man’s expression from his reflection across the glass pane class. “Mother? Sister? Girlfriend?”

“Girlfriend,” James chuckled slightly through the sharp pain pulsing through his nerve endings.

In truth, James didn’t think he’d be using the term so loosely so soon, but things between him and Autum had been unexpected from the start. They’d been thrown together by their respective best friends, who happened to be dating at the time, and they’d both been a little surprised when they shared a mutual attraction for one another. Logan had been desperate for anything non-work-related that would force James out of the apartment, and Kandi was trying to coerce Autum into getting over her ex, who was over a thousand miles away. In a way, the two worked to heal each other. Being forced together so much while their friends spent every waking moment of every single day together, they became close friends themselves, and the four of them began to function as a surrogate family.

Friendship evolved into sex, and it was difficult to bring sex into the mix without someone developing deeper feelings. And James had fallen for her almost immediately, so it was hard to bring her around, to prove that he was different, that he had more to offer than just a chiseled body and a pretty face.

It took her awhile, but she eventually admitted that she felt the same way towards him.

James explained bits and pieces of this to Chris as the artist worked on the section along his spine, trying to steady his words through the excruciation, biting his tongue a couple times in the process.

They made small talk about the constant weather and Los Angeles traffic, about how long Chris had been in the business and what James did for a living. It wasn’t long before he announced that he was finished.

“Go take a look at it in the mirror over there. Not trying to toot my own horn, but I think it looks pretty good.”

James made his way over to the full-length mirror that hung from the opposite wall, staring head-on into his own eyes and flicking a strand of mocha-colored hair from his vision. He turned around, gaze drifting across the workstation for a moment before glancing at the fresh ink across the bronzed skin of his back. Though the surrounding area of flesh was still a raw shade of red, the tattoo was still very prominent. The letters curled in all the right places, and the shading was superb. From the final “m,” a more masculine version of the lotus blossom she had on her back branched off, the tattoo ending just below his right shoulder blade. A part of James quivered like an anxious little boy at the sight of it; he couldn’t wait until Autum got a glimpse of it, though he could never be certain of what her reaction might be.

“This is perfect,” he remarked as he reached for his gray t-shirt. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” Chris replied, proud of earning another satisfied customer.

James graciously paid him before exiting through the glass doors and out onto the street.

As he walked towards his car parked at the curb, he felt a smile creep across his lips, and he had no regrets.