Heaven's Melody

It almost looked like Heaven.

Logan chucked a skipping stone into the lake, grunting, and watched as it carefully, slowly, almost methodically, sunk to the bottom. No, he didn’t watch- he couldn’t. The lake was too dark, too black just centimeters from the surface. Down below was even worse. Even darker. Even blacker.

Instead, he imagined. The silky stone, flat and rather dainty getting swalloweed whole by the almost black, half blue waves. Getting pulled down to it’s bottom, pushed and suffocated beneath the sticky, slimy grains of sand. Forever trapped and waiting. Waiting for the water to dry up or for a person to come and steal it- so once again it can, finally, be free.

Logan blinked at the water. He couldn’t picture the stone anymore, it was buried. Dead, in a sense. Lost. Instead, he looked at the sky painted in the lake’s black surface.

It almost looked like Heaven.

It wasn’t straight blue today, not grey nor black either. It wasn’t like anything he’d seen before, almost like Heaven. Almost like God.

An oval, free of clouds and darkness, standing alone. A bright light, like the sun or something more , something magical, shining through. To the left it was dark, darker than clouds in a rainstorm, though there was no rain to account for. He should’ve been able to see some in the horizon, the lightning as well, but nothing. Just black.

To the right it was all blue and white, fluffy and pretty. Almost perfect, but not quite. A bit too much grey, a bit too dark of a blue. Almost, though. Almost.

It almost looked like Heaven.

He dropped the other stone, letting his grip fall loose, forcing it to tumble and crash to the ground. It landed among a cluster of it’s brothers, but Logan didn’t stay to watch. He was already feet away, his keys in his hand, his head in the sky.

It almost looked like Heaven.

*
“That’s bullshit.”

The frail lady, who was not so frail before, looked up to him, one hand on her pearls, the other gripping the table. It was the only thing keeping her down on Earth, the only thing keeping her from floating away into the clouds, forever floating above Earth, but not quite high enough.

Her tea glass sat, untouched and full to the brim next to her. The box was out- tucked and buried deep in the corner but Logan was still able to see. It claimed to calm nerves.

“No more sleepless nights!” “The best night’s sleep you’ll ever have!”

He supposed she was having nightmares then, too.

“Logan-”

“Don’t, don’t say she needs more time. Not again.” He said his own hand clenched down on the wooden table. There was almost nail marks- little half-moon rings to remind him to stop. Almost. “That’s bullshit.”

“No,” she responded, “No- it’s the truth.” The lady rose on shaky feet, the feet that used to be strong, that used to carry her miles from home. “I’m afraid I have to ask you to leave, Logan, and this time I have to ask you to not come back.”

Her breath was raspy, loud. Logan could hear it from where he stood, how shaky and dry it was. How sad it seemed.

He wanted to. He wanted to leave her and her sad breath and pearls and tea. He wanted to go back to his house, where all seemed normal. It would be easy; all he’d have to say was one word, probably one of the first he spoke out of the womb. Okay.

But as easy as it’d be- it’d also be impossible.

“Mar- Miss. Montgomery, it’s been a couple of weeks. I think that I’ve waited long enough- she,” he stopped and turned away from her, his body saying more than his words. But then again, not enough. “She needs me.”

“Unfortunately, my boy,” the woman said, “She needs a lot more than you.”

“But I’m a start.”

Logan backed away, pressing himself up against the wall opposite the door. He wasn’t normally like this. He was always the quiet one. That’s what he was known for, being quiet and being her boyfriend. He was on the soccer team, had a higher GPA than 80 percent of the school but that didn’t matter. She was always the one in the spotlight.

But now, he had to shine for her. Or at least try to. 0

“I can’t leave, not until you tell me where she is.” His hand reached for the hem of his shirt and without consciously knowing it, he began to pick it at.

There was a long pause, the only audible sound a dog- a small, yappy one, barking from a far distance. He could tell she was studying him, like he was some sort of science project. An experiment. In a way, he guessed he was. They all were.

“Logan, I just don’t think that,” she sighed. “That this-” She made a motion with her hands, sweeping them around the room. “That you coming back into her life is- is such a good idea. A lot has happened in the past… little while and- and…”

“And she needs me,” he said. “Like I said before. She can’t loose two friends, Mrs. Montgomery, not like this.”

She sighed again, lifting the cup of tea to her lips and taking a long sip. Her rigid fingers, arms, toes, whole body seemed to be more relaxed, almost deflated. She sat down.

“You came over here after the… accident happened and I told you I’d tell you when she’s ready. But she’s not yet.”

Logan blinked at the lady, debating on whether or not he should move. Her head was down, surrounded by a halo of her daughter’s same hair, and her forehead rested against her palm. She looked smaller than she was. She looked like a baby in need of a hug. He stayed where he was.

“So you’re just going to lock her away, starve her from the rest of the world forever?”

Mrs. Montgomery’s head snapped up. Her hands were pressed tight against her mug, absorbing the warmth through the ceramic, her eyes dark. “She. Is. Not. Locked away, and it is not forever. Only until she is… ready.”

“And when will that be? In an hour, a week, a month, a year? Or more than a year, until college? Or after, until she has kids of her own?” Logan pried, knowing but not caring that he was going to far. Let her yell. “When will she be ready? Tell me… tell me! When will she be ready?” He said, his voice as dark as her eyes. Darker, even.

“It’s only been a few weeks, Logan. She needs more time.”

Logan pushed himself away from the wall, shaking his head at the lady. It was part in disgust, part in guilt and the rest in pity. She wasn’t meaning to be this naïve, she just didn’t know what else to do. No one did.

But that didn’t mean he wasn’t sick of it.

“All sitting in her room does is make her think and rethink that she could’ve done something,” he snapped. “But she couldn’t have and I don’t think she knows that, Mrs. Montgomery, I think we need to tell her that. I think she needs to talk to me, see me. I lov-”

“Get out Logan,” she murmured in a voice that caused goose bumps to travel the lengths of his arms. It was stronger than yelling. It was worth more.

“You know how close we were, before,” Logan said, passing her to get to the hall. “You know how much she needs me.”

The door slammed shut behind him.

*
He didn’t listen to music on his way home. He wasn’t sure he wanted to, most songs were either about love, lost love, sex without love or drugs.

And today he just couldn’t handle that. Today he just didn’t want to think or hear or talk about it. At least, not anymore.

But he did anyways.

As he passed the little diner, Heaven’s Diner, he thought about death. Heaven or Hell or nothing. Those were the options, and to him, at this point, none of them sounded appealing. Death didn’t sound appealing. Then again, he wasn’t sure it ever did.

The park came next. If it even had a name, he didn’t know it, but that didn’t matter. Name or no name, it was still his park. Their park.

It reminded him of life.

It was always crowded until eight, when it officially closed, and then again at nine when the teenage almost-rebels filled the slides, swings and wooden benches. Himself included.

He used to come here with her, both of them actually. It was a running joke with the five of them- he wasn’t just dating Lara but Melody as well. Those two were attached at the hip, and where ever Lara went- Mel was sure to follow.

They used to sit near the slides, the group of them, and pass around some stolen beer and gossip and gossip and gossip until they got too drunk or too tired or too horny.

Sometimes he’d sneak off with Lara. They’d never go to the same place more than once- something about ruined memories, but it was always near the edge of the forest. She’d refuse to actually enter the woods, scared easily by deer or other harmless animals lurking inside. But they were always close.

And then they’d go back to Mel, gossip some more; although at this point it was usually less boring and then they’d leave and sleep to repeat the next day. It was trivial and dull, Lara used to tell him, whisper it to him beneath the blanket of stars.

And he guessed it was, but then it became less trivial and less dull and more than anything in the world he wished it could go back.

More than anything.

As Logan approached the third and final stoplight on the way to his trivial and dull house, he reached for the radio and with one click his head was filled with music. No more thinking. Not today.