Heaven's Melody

“Where have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is?”

Logan hesitated, one foot in the door, the other still free outside. His mother’s voice was sharp, snappy and left absolutely no room for negotiation. Her face was the physical equivalent to her voice, her eyes glossy and squinted, her mouth so straight it could’ve been painted on. Apparently, she was done being nice. His time was up.

“Out,” said Logan, “I was out. And I dunno the time, maybe you should invest in a watch if you care so much.”

It took one look to make him realize that he had said the wrong thing. Again. He could feel an apology on his tongue, but he couldn’t say it. It was stuck. Something was wrong with him these days, it was like he had no control over what came out of his mouth and what didn’t.

And honestly, what did it matter if he said the wrong thing? She would forgive him eventually. She always did.

“Look Logs,” she said, her voice the same as before if just a bit softer. “I know that a lot has been going on but you can’t just disappear like that and not phone. I love you and I was worried about you.”

“You knew where I was mom, I heard you talk to Steven last night.”

She sighed, loud and long- a piece of her bangs flying up with the sudden breeze. Her hand, almost magnetically, dropped to her hip. But despite the teenage act, she looked older than she had in years.

“You should be thankful that he called, with all that’s been happening I would’ve phoned the police.”

“Great to know you care,” Logan snapped- though he wasn’t really saying his words with sarcasm. It was kind of great to know that she cared enough to worry. She was nothing like that bastard.

He couldn’t say that though, for some reason his mouth wouldn’t let him. He just let her think that his words meant her harm, when the reality of it was- he was expressing his thanks.

“I was thinking therapy.”

Logan’s body reacted before his mind could, and suddenly he wasn’t frozen anymore. The foot inside retreated and ignoring the pained look on his mother’s face, he ran. He wasn’t sure where he was going until he got there.

And when he did, he could do nothing more than drop to his knees and sob.
***

The park was empty.

It was too early for the families to come, and too late for the almost-rebels. He was alone.

Logan had always liked solidarity, always found comfort in it. And now was no different. Sure his head was spinning with thoughts he didn’t want to think but at least he didn’t have to pretend anymore. Although, looking back he wasn’t quite so sure his façade had been working.

Steven knew something was up. So did his mother. The only one who didn’t was Lara and that was because she was suffering alone too.

Logan never knew how alike they really were.

He stopped crying after a couple of minutes, not because anything was better but because he was all dried up. His body had cried itself out.

He ended up on the slide. It was were Mel had always gone to be alone, where she would sit and stare up at the night sky while all the couples around her had a good fuck. If Lara was busy socializing, or couldn’t make it to the park one evening he would sit with her. They wouldn’t talk, that wasn’t how their relationship worked.

Lara always tried to fill in the silences. Mel craved them.

Logan had always thought of himself as Mel’s guardian. They were the same in so many ways, and though she never said a word about it, he had always known her family was fucked up. Especially that bastard.

She never uttered one complaint, though. Not even at the end. And when the end did come, Logan realized that he wasn’t Mel’s guardian after all. He hadn’t done a single thing to save her.

He was like that bastard, because he let her die. He saw it coming but he had never even whispered a warning. She’d been on her own her whole life and she knew that. It was only the world that hadn’t seen. Only him and Lara.

“Do you think I could use that?”

His mother looked up at him from the ground, blinking innocently at her son. One of her hands was on the slide’s plastic coating, the other dropped uselessly at her side. It had seemed that all the anger she’d had before was gone.

Maybe his time wasn’t up.

“Use what mom?”

She shook her head at him, and then gave him that look. The one that meant she would save him. If it came down to it, she would whisper the warning. She would be everything to him that he hadn’t been to Mel. To Melody.

“We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Please Logan.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

His brain was so fucked up at the moment, he wasn’t even sure he could talk. Not sober, at least. Right now he just needed to keep everything inside of him- eventually he would be okay. But right now- he needed to leave the secrets in his mind as such. And he needed his mom to understand this.

“Logan- therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. Please, you don’t have to talk to me but you need to-”

“I don’t need to do anything mother,” Logan said. “Just stop. I can’t deal with you going crazy right now, I just want to by myself. Can’t you see that? I want to be by myself.”

“Logan.”

“I’m staying at Steven’s for the rest of the week.”

And for the second time that day, for the second time that hour, he ran away. He had no intention of returning.