Saving Me

Naomi’s POV

Zack looked like a disaster, and like he hadn’t slept or shaved in days. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I couldn’t figure out why he looked so rough. I stared at his name in my contacts and thought about calling him, but I didn’t want to disturb him. He still treated me like I was his princess, but I didn’t know what was really on his mind anymore.

I had just gotten home about a day ago. Two weeks in the hospital had really brought me down, and my parents were still treating me like I was there. They wouldn’t let me out of bed and brought me everything because of my broken ribs.

“Time to breathe!” My mother said, bursting into my bedroom with my least favorite contraption.

I grunted. Apparently having more than three broken ribs was really risky to my health. Unfortunately, there was no magical way to heal broken ribs, and I had to let them heal on their own. They did, however, tell me that breathing deeply could help mend them. That was great except for the fact that breathing deeply put me nearly in tears because it was so painful, so to help encourage me to take deep breaths, the doctors gave me a tool called incentive spirometer, which my mother had carried in.

“Try to sit up?” She encouraged.

I attempted as requested and only ended up with my head leaning against my headboard.

My mother sighed. “I thought you were getting better at this.”

“It’s only been a day, mom.” I groaned.

She held the incentive spirometer upright and handed me the mouthpiece. I rolled my eyes and took it. I breathed in slowly, and as deep as I could. There was a yellow indicator on the side of a cylinder showing me how deep I should breathe in. Inside of the cylinder was a piston that rose higher the deeper I the breath I took. If it met the yellow indicator, then I met my goal. When I finally reached the indicator, I held my breath for five seconds. My chest was burning with pain. Tears caused my eyes to water, and then I released my breath. I took out the mouthpiece and relaxed for a few seconds.

My mother smiled and patted my arm. “One down nine to go.”

Frustrated, I grabbed the mouthpiece once more and repeated the steps nine more times. I hated this, and I had to repeat it every hour that I was awake.

“Great job, honey!” she said, “Now you can see your boyfriend!”

I froze and looked at her carefully. He never mentioned coming over.

Zack opened the door. He had dark circles around his eyes, and a slight discoloration on his left eye from his black eye. His hair was sloppy and in every other direction as opposed to his normal neat style. He had a neck beard and a rough chin and upper lip. He smiled at me softly and said, “Hey, baby.”

“Zack....,” I started. I tried not to make it obvious that I was studying him from head to toe, but there was no way to hide my concern.

“I know, I know. I have to ask you something,” he mumbled.

“Ask away,” I said nervously.

“Baby, was there something that you needed to tell me?”

I froze and instantly realized that he found out about the miscarriage. My parents had already discussed the matter with me, but they hadn’t told me that he knew. I wanted to get an abortion, and I didn’t want him to know. I was afraid that he’d leave me because he wasn’t ready for the responsibility. “Zack, I.....”

“Why didn’t you just tell me, Naomi?” He asked, painfully, taking a seat on the bean bag next to my bed.

“I’m so sorry, I just didn’t want you to leave me. I couldn’t risk it. I’m sorry—I love you.”

“Leave you? Baby, why would I leave you?”

“Because you weren’t ready to have a baby. We’re not ready to have a baby. Look at us. We’re still so young. You have so much more life ahead of you and you don’t need a kid to bring you down. Think about your band and about your friends. Even if we had this baby, I’d have to raise it alone. You’d be gone touring or partying or whatever. I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want to risk you leaving me. I was just going to get an abortion,” I explained, gently.

“To be honest, I wasn’t as hurt about the miscarriage as I was that you had hid it from me all this time. You were three months along. Maybe if you would have told me that you were pregnant, we wouldn’t have to deal with this... things might not have turned out this way. You know, Jack is still in a coma. I haven’t talked to him in two weeks because of this and it’s driving me insane. You have a broken arm, four broken ribs, and this terrible scar across your chest... and I have a broken arm. I hate to see you hurt like this. If you would have told me that you were pregnant, I would have been so much more protective of you... if you would have just told me.”

“Oh, I get it. Because I didn’t tell you that I’m pregnant, I have a broken arm, four broken ribs, and cut on my chest; you have a broken arm; Jack has three broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken arm, and has been in a coma for two weeks; and a girl is possibly going to die? All of this is my fault?” I asked angrily. I couldn’t believe he had even thought of this being my fault. Fuming didn’t even begin to cover how I felt.

“No, I didn’t mean that! I meant that things could have turned out differently. This isn’t your fault. That came out wrong!”

“Zack, I’m really sorry that I hurt you by not telling you that I was pregnant, but I was planning on killing the fucking thing anyway. Cool your fucking jets. Nothing would have changed,” for someone who knew that Zack was against abortions, I spoke very openly and graphically about it. He had made me so mad that I didn’t even care what he was thinking.

He threw his face in his hand and ran his fingers through his hair. “I just wanted you to know how hurt I am that you lied to me.”

I studied him and could see the hurt, but I was too angry to acknowledge it. “What the fuck do you want me to do? I said I was sorry. Do you want blood?”

“Please just tell me that you won’t do it again,” he begged.

“Okay, fine. I promise I won’t do it again.” It was a stupid promise to ask me to make. We both knew that we’d be more careful and the next time I’d get pregnant, we’d both be ready.

“I don’t mean just with the whole pregnancy thing. I mean lying to me. Even if you think you won’t be able to keep me. I wish you could understand that I love you and I won’t ever leave you.”

I looked in his pain stricken eyes and started to feel guilty about everything. He was loosing sleep over this. Just because I didn’t tell him that I was pregnant. “I promise you that I won’t lie to you ever again,” I said softly. “Now you promise me to get some sleep. You’re worrying me,” I patted the spot next to me on the king sized bed.

He smiled softly, and walked around to the other side of the bed to take me up on my offer. “I promise I will get some sleep,” he said, lying down on the spot next to me.

With my good hand, I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to straighten it out as he quickly knotted off to sleep.

I couldn’t quit thinking about what Zack had said. He was right. In a way, this was my fault. If I could have been responsible for once and not drank while I was pregnant, I could have been on watch to protect Zack. I could have been the one to take his car keys instead of just leaving them with him. I made a bad choice and now I could be held accountable for hurting Zack, Jack, and myself. The doctors have told Joyce that they don’t see Jack waking up anytime soon if at all. I couldn’t live with myself if he never woke up again. I can hardly live with myself knowing that his best friends haven’t talked to him in two weeks because of me. If I could have just done what I was supposed to do, then maybe I wouldn’t have hurt so many people.

What about that girl who they think might die? What if I killed her? She had friends and family that would hurt for her. People that would hurt because of me.

I thought about everyone who I had hurt on our side through this. Alex was terribly stressed. You could see the pain in his eyes, and not everyone had noticed that he hadn’t been eating. His face went white every time he saw Jack sleeping in his bed, yet he was up at the hospital every minute of every day with Joyce and Jack’s dad, Bassam. Most of the time he went up alone. Some days he went with Matt or Rian. Jack had so many friends and fans. There were so many teenagers who would be devastated if Jack had passed away. Every ones pain was on my shoulders because I kept something so little to myself. The thought tortured my mind. I started to let a few tears fall.

I put my hand on Zack’s chest and felt him breathing. His chest rising and falling left me in a little bit of comfort. He hadn’t slept for days, and now he was sleeping so sound next to me. He hadn’t looked this peaceful in over two weeks and here he was lying next to me, looking so beautiful and happy. I wanted to lie on my side and let him hold me, but my ribs stopped me from doing so.

Watching him made me realize how much I loved him. This was more than just puppy love. This was an intense burning inside of me. This wasn’t a feeling, this was an energy. He brought me out of my worst moods without even saying a word. I couldn’t even look at or think about another guy, no, not at all. This was one of those dangerous romances that parents worry about. The kind that is so powerful that if something were to happen to the one, the other would follow close behind. This was more than just a fling; in fact it was more realistic than some marriages. This was the love that made the movies jealous. This was the ‘you jump, I jump’ kind of love. The kind that you would take a bullet for. The kind that made you want to dance in the rain. The kind that made every cell of your body feel so alive. And especially the kind that would make you want to take a dive in a pool full of ice in the middle of winter.

Katherine’s POV

“Mom, when are they going to—“ I started. “Shit, I forgot what I was going to say.” I had been doing this so many times since I woke up about a week ago. There were things that I just couldn’t remember. I had to relearn how to use a remote, how to brush my teeth, and how to wash my hair. I couldn’t even remember how to hold a fork or a knife.

I had been trying to deal with the frustration, but I couldn’t figure out why this had to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? Why couldn’t I get out of this goddamn hospital? Why was I barely getting any sleep because I had to be hooked up to an oxygen tank every time I thought that I might fall asleep? I was feeling so much rage that this had to happen to me, that I couldn’t wait to testify, but the stupid fucker who hit me still hadn’t even woken up yet.

My mother chuckled at my failed attempt to ask a question, and said, “Rena and I are going to go get some dinner. Do you want anything?”

“A fucking cheeseburger would be nice,” I muttered.

She nodded before she motioned for Rena to follow her out the door. Rena had barely said two words to me since I woke up, but that was because we didn’t have any time alone. She attempted to talk to me with her eyes. I could see that she knew about Alex, even though I hadn’t said a word to anyone about him. After a week of me telling him to leave me alone, he still hadn’t.

As if on queue, I heard someone open the door. “Fuck off, Alex!” I yelled.

“I’ve told you time and time again that you’re going to have to try a little bit harder than ‘fuck off’ to get rid of me,” he smirked, walking in front of my bed.

I hated him so much, that I couldn’t help but argue with him. Most boys I could just get off by ignoring them. But not Alex. I couldn’t tell you why I hated him. Maybe it was because he was so attractive that I could almost see myself wanting him, or maybe it was because he tried so hard to talk me into being with him. “You’re a fucking wanker, “ I growled, and attempted to give him the finger through my arm that had just a wrist cast on it. “Don’t you have a friend here or some shit?”

“Yes, but I spend all day with that friend. It’s good to take a break.”

“Don’t people wonder where you are?”

“Well, I tell them that I’m having dinner. It doesn’t matter anyway. I can’t eat.”

I looked at how stressed his eyes seemed, and wondered how his friend was doing, despite how cold I was acting. “Lovely.”

“How are you feeling today?” He offered.

“I’m fucking pissed off. I can’t remember anything. I was out for a week and you’d swear that I was out for a year.”

“Take it easy on the f-bomb, tiger,” he said sarcastically.

“Why are you still in here?” I scoffed. “I don’t want you here.”

“Don’t lie, you secretly do,” he winked.

“I’m serious. I’m not beyond fucking calling security and getting you banned from this whole floor.”

“Whoa now,” he smirked.

I rolled my eyes and started playing with my hair. “I don’t understand why you even come here.”

“Because you’re my Jane Doe,” he grinned, and his cell phone vibrated.

“Take a number,” I snarled, referring to the boys who have tried to get inside my head, but have failed.

“Yeah, yeah. I have to go back anyway. My friends mom just asked me if she could meet up with me for dinner. Fantastic,” he said sarcastically.

“Fuck you,” I muttered, not giving a fuck what he was saying.

“Time and place, baby?”

He drove me insane. I wasn’t even dropping hints that I wanted to be left alone; I was dropping full-blown bombs. He scared me with his shaggy dark hair and his big brown eyes. He came in here with his nice plaid shirts and a t-shirt underneath and his converse on. It was like he was the exact recipe of a heart breaker.
I rolled my eyes at him before he said, “Bye, beautiful,” and walked out of the room.
I didn’t know how things would turn out whit him, but I knew for a fact that no matter how hard he tried, I wouldn’t let him break my heart. It was the only thing that I had left to call my own, and I was more than protective of it.
I promised myself that I would let him fade away. In fact, I would make him fade away before he hurt me.

In the end, it was the worst and most regretful promise I had ever made myself.