Room 253

It happened again. Shit. I rub my eyes trying to focus my thoughts on where the hell I am. I put myself in a seated position. Ignoring the thumps in my head, I look down to my body and find myself in a double bed naked and sweaty. I feel nausea as I lick my filthy teeth. I avert my eyes from my scratched-too-thin body and I scan the room. The bedroom is small, grey and smelly. I hear some noises from somewhere else, and that means is time to get up. I sigh and rub my temples, the thump in my head getting worse as I recall something from last night. Loud music and rough hands. I smirk, shaking my head. I get up and I begin to collect my clothes; surprisingly I still have all my stuff.
-Where ya going?- a tall, blond good-looking men says.-Sorry baby, I've to go- I don't give him time to protest or block me. I pass him and find my way to the door. Shit, this boy is an animal, I think as I quickly notice the mess in the living room as I walk to the door. Right outside I search for my pack and light a cigarette. My stomach hurts along with every part of my body. Still unable to understand where I am I go down the road, searching for a coffee. The only way to wake up I find a Starbucks and like a lightening a thought crosses my mind.
-New Jersey, Frankie, we're home- I was too drunk to understand at that time, too drunk last night to analyze my situation and too sober this morning to endure the implications of being again in New Jersey. Everything becomes suddenly blurry, I fall on my knees, being unable to stop myself from crying. Horror and terror rise up from the bottom of myself, unearthed from lost spots of my mind. An image, in fact a face, makes its way through the tears, the mute confusion which grips my insides. Oh God it is his face, those are his hair, his nose, the pink lips with his childish teeth....you are finally here, Gee


The waiter helps me get up and dry my tears. I leave her with a fake smile. I just remembered the one I was so fucking hard trying to forget, so I am too sad to smile properly. All the shit that I made, all the mistakes, the drunk nights I spent. The band and the never ending arguments that consumed us and tear us apart. All I did in those past three years fells on my shoulder and breaks me. Why I ran away? Have I find what I was searching? What I was searching?... My head I'm sure is beginning to split. In a few second my brain will be splattered all over the pavement and I will be dead. Never in all my so fucked up life I wish I was dead. Neither Jimmy nor the never ending row of men who abused me in every possibly way made me to wish so fucking hard to die. Oh God, why.....but my thoughts are interrupted by the ringing of my phone. I answer without checking who is. -Yes?- I simply say. -Where in the fucking hell are you?- It is Dave, the only member of the band who stay with me. Well we dissipated everything we earned in party and alcohol and when he is too tired he used me as a fuck buddy. Nothing to which I am not accustomed...-I'm near the Starbucks. Where are you?-
-I'm coming. Wait for me- and then he ended the call. I sigh and sit down on the pavement waiting for Dave, waiting for madame Death or some pills to calm me down...



Gerard's POV

The corridor is so dark I have a little difficulty to find my keys. Finally I reach the door and I insert the key. I breathe in, my hand shakes a little. A click. I swallow the emptiness, another click and the door is open. I hold my breath, the heart stops. The room is dark. I start to breathe again, my heart resumes to beat, slow and tired. Inside my apartment is messy and empty. I close the door, damn I need a drink. I throw the keys on the table and I head to the kitchen. I open the fridge and find it empty, like me. I open the cupboard and found a half bottle of whiskey. Tonight will be enough. I'll jump on the couch and puffed annoyed. The remote control has slipped in my back. I take it and turn on the TV, disinterested.
Whiskey makes the mini-skirts girls much more interesting, I think I could like to touch them. I take another sip, shaking my head. His hips were most beautiful.....