Room 253
Chapter six
Tick tack tick tack
I lost myself counting the seconds pass by.
Tick tack tick tack tick tack
There was light and then there was dark.
Tick tack tick tack
My stomach wanted food, I didn't listen. My mouth wanted water,
I didn't care.
Tick tack tick tack
The door opened but I didn't hear it.
Sebastian found me on the floor, vacant eyes and lips parted.
He slapped me and I re-entered my body. I left my dreamland. It was past eleven and he dragged me to bed. I undressed myself and slipped quickly under the covers. He was too drunk to fuck me, but I didn't want to risk. He managed to kiss me, but then the alcohol took him away, leaving his disgusting marks on my lips. I turned on my back, my eyes opened my body aching. I turn again on my stomach and then again on my back. I sighed 'cause I could not find peace in that bed, because suddenly everything seemed too strange, too dark, too horrible. The idea that something was missing, that something was wrong slowly pierced inside of me. Again I was speechless, again words betrayed me. I couldn't name that absence. I was twisting again when Sebastian woke up and kicked me out of the bed
My heart started to beat furiously, I was too awake and conscious to bear his fists. He rumbled something, then he started snoring again.
I turned on my left side. I gripped tight my flesh, I squeezed my eyes shut and then I remember the name of my restlessness. I remembered his dirty hair, their blackness. His lather jacket, the hole on his tee, just under the collarbone. I leaned in my dreams and I reached out my arms. His cheek flushed and his nose was so close to my fingertip I imagined I could touch it. I let his memory sunk under my skin and took posses of my body. I wanted that boy's heat once again. I wanted that electricity. I'd never breathed so I'd never felt the necessity. But after his left I was struggling cause I knew then how good oxygen tastes. I desperately wanted it and I knew that I could have just this image, I knew that I had to let my body feel, and I knew that when morning would came, I'll have to pay once again.
The sun surprises me in my body, he and Sebastian find my tears and my fears still there.
Sebastian's hands are hard against my skin, his moans disgust me. I feel him entirely and I cannot stop crying. He pushes harder every time I scream.
I want to die, I desperately need to pass out, to reach my hole once more.
But I'm breathless and paralyzed and my chest aches.
I can taste blood on my mouth, his sweat on my flesh and his heat that is suffocating me, so different from....
Another thrust, more blood, pain and his semen splashed like acid, that corrodes and rots my insides.
I stumble till the bathroom then I collapse. I throw out my vomit, my acids and my heart, I hope. Pain gains control all over my head and stabs my brain with his scepter, like a fork in a pudding.
But this is my fault. I thought that my body could take it. I thought I was stronger. I was mistaken.
I'm just a skinny fucked up boy. I am an orphan. I am shit. I am nothing. And in my emptiness I shall return
I lost myself counting the seconds pass by.
Tick tack tick tack tick tack
There was light and then there was dark.
Tick tack tick tack
My stomach wanted food, I didn't listen. My mouth wanted water,
I didn't care.
Tick tack tick tack
The door opened but I didn't hear it.
Sebastian found me on the floor, vacant eyes and lips parted.
He slapped me and I re-entered my body. I left my dreamland. It was past eleven and he dragged me to bed. I undressed myself and slipped quickly under the covers. He was too drunk to fuck me, but I didn't want to risk. He managed to kiss me, but then the alcohol took him away, leaving his disgusting marks on my lips. I turned on my back, my eyes opened my body aching. I turn again on my stomach and then again on my back. I sighed 'cause I could not find peace in that bed, because suddenly everything seemed too strange, too dark, too horrible. The idea that something was missing, that something was wrong slowly pierced inside of me. Again I was speechless, again words betrayed me. I couldn't name that absence. I was twisting again when Sebastian woke up and kicked me out of the bed
My heart started to beat furiously, I was too awake and conscious to bear his fists. He rumbled something, then he started snoring again.
I turned on my left side. I gripped tight my flesh, I squeezed my eyes shut and then I remember the name of my restlessness. I remembered his dirty hair, their blackness. His lather jacket, the hole on his tee, just under the collarbone. I leaned in my dreams and I reached out my arms. His cheek flushed and his nose was so close to my fingertip I imagined I could touch it. I let his memory sunk under my skin and took posses of my body. I wanted that boy's heat once again. I wanted that electricity. I'd never breathed so I'd never felt the necessity. But after his left I was struggling cause I knew then how good oxygen tastes. I desperately wanted it and I knew that I could have just this image, I knew that I had to let my body feel, and I knew that when morning would came, I'll have to pay once again.
The sun surprises me in my body, he and Sebastian find my tears and my fears still there.
Sebastian's hands are hard against my skin, his moans disgust me. I feel him entirely and I cannot stop crying. He pushes harder every time I scream.
I want to die, I desperately need to pass out, to reach my hole once more.
But I'm breathless and paralyzed and my chest aches.
I can taste blood on my mouth, his sweat on my flesh and his heat that is suffocating me, so different from....
Another thrust, more blood, pain and his semen splashed like acid, that corrodes and rots my insides.
I stumble till the bathroom then I collapse. I throw out my vomit, my acids and my heart, I hope. Pain gains control all over my head and stabs my brain with his scepter, like a fork in a pudding.
But this is my fault. I thought that my body could take it. I thought I was stronger. I was mistaken.
I'm just a skinny fucked up boy. I am an orphan. I am shit. I am nothing. And in my emptiness I shall return