The Diary of Jane

It had gone a week since Benjamin had heard about my dad and my life in general. He had managed to sneak his way into my brain and take control, he had my life in his hands.
He took the thing with my dad pretty well... And with well I mean that he didn't seem surprised, but he looked very angry. Like he was going to hurt someone. He also told me that my dad wasn't going to bother me anymore after he'd 'taken care of him'. The thought of Benjamin 'taking care of' my dad only scared me. What if... What if my father hurt Benjamin? If that happened, I didn't know what I would do. Take Fran with me and run away? Why hadn't I thought of that before, anyway?

The following days me and Benjamin slept at eachother's places every night. Because of two reasons; we enjoyed spending time together and we didn't want my dad to do something to me.
I felt so safe when I was with Benjamin. He was my saviour, my soldier, my Evil Angel. It felt like such a long time ago he was just a part of my dreams.
Now I saw him everywhere. In School, at home, outside. My favourite thing I did with him was taking our night walks. It felt so good to just be the two of us while the city was sleeping. No eyes on us, we could just be ourselves. We could be with eachother.

My School was catching up on that I now had a 'boyfriend' and was happy. They didn't ask me as many personal questions and left me alone more.
I didn't see Benjamin as my 'boyfriend'. It felt like such a shallow expression. Benjamin was more than just a boyfriend to me, he was my everything. My best friend, my saviour. He was my life. Without him, I would probably have taken off from home and eventually killed myself. Now that I had him, I could at least feel a little happy to be alive. He lightened up all my days.

Meanwhile, I struggled with having Fran at her mom's place as often as I could. It took so much of my energy to focus on her, and I knew that she was starting to like her mom better. They even took a trip to some zoo and Fran wouldn't stop talking about it.
If Fran was happy, I was happy. I actually let myself have a good time nowadays.

*

Benjamin kissed my neck sofltly and roamed his hands around my body, touching places that he was supposed to touch. He was, after all, my soulmate.
I kissed him roughly and took off his shirt, tossing it away to somewhere in the room.

We where alone in his house, and we were starting to explore eachother's bodies. It felt so good to be touched. It felt so good when he whispered that I was beautiful. He and I were as one, and his eyes lit up as we finally reached climax together. He was so perfect in that moment, and I collapsed on top of him.

I could never feel ashamed with him.

*

”I love you.”
The words came as a surprise.

We where standing in the middle of the Schoolcorridor by my locker when he said it. He was just about to go to his lesson when he said it. He turned away from me and sped up as he walked away.

”Wait!” I shouted after him.

He didn't.

”I love you too!”

He turned around, and so did the rest of the students walking around in the corridors. I didn't care if they thought I was weird. I was in love, go ahead and sue me.

Benjamin grinned and turned away again. That grin was enough for me to carry with me the whole day, through people shouting 'I love you too' in high-pitched tones and hard classes. I knew that he loved me, and that we allways had eachother.

To even be able to think that was amazing. I didn't let anything bring me down. It was always me and him now, and most people knew that.

How did I survive without him? I had no idea. It was like I had been waiting for him my whole life. Like everything I lived and waited for, was him. That was exactly how it felt. My patience had been on the verge of slipping over the edge, but right after that, he came to me. He came to me and smiled.
I remembered that first time I saw his face, glowing with perfection. He had been so frustrated the first time our eyes met, and so had I. But I think we calmed eachother right away.

*

We where on our night-walk. We hadn't been saying a word in what seemed like forever, but silence with Benjamin wasn't like other silences. I enjoyed it, even though I missed hearing his voice.

”Wow”, I finally breathed out. ”We actually told eachother that we loved eachother today.”

Benjamin didn't answer. He locked his fingers with mine and pulled me closer. I leaned my head on his shoulder and felt so protected. His gesture was like an unspoken reassurance; 'I really do love you.' It all felt so right.

”And I-I-I-I-IH!” Benjamin suddenly burst out into a loud song. ”WILL ALWAYS LOVE, YOU-OU-OUuuu.. My loooove!! Will always love you!”

”What the hell?” I laughed. ”You'll wake someone up!”

His eyes glittered in the dark.

”I don't care”, he smiled. ”Cause I've got you...”

”I've got you, babe”, we sang together.

He giggled like crazy.

”We said it in the exact same time!” he tittered.

”Yeah, I know!” I shouted happily.

He pulled me into a hug and kissed me softly on the lips. I looked up into his dark eyes and sighed. He smiled.

”All you need is love”, he sang softly.

I smiled.

”Way to ruin a moment.”

”What?” He looked genuinly insulted. ”My singing voice is fenomenal!”

Then he started laughing.

I loved him so much.