That Girl
if it means a lot to you.
Alex tried. He really did. And if he was being honest with himself, he could admit how hard it was to try for something that he didn't even want. He didn't want to "give up" on Finley like Jack pretty much wanted him to. It wasn't even the fact that she was a challenge; it was all about how he knew they had some sort of connection. He could feel it.
In other words: he couldn't forget Friday night.
It felt as if he had made too much progress to just give up. He didn't smother Finley; in essence, he allowed her to come to him when she was, well, ready. It was her decision. He wasn't forcing her into it. But with the recent change of events, he wasn't sure what to do. Moving on was the smart decision. But Alex had never been one to do something just because it was the smart thing to do.
But this time he did try. In fact, he didn't talk to Finley for a week. It might not seem like a long time to outsiders, but it was. It was a week of ignoring her in math (not that she was trying to make contact with him anyway) and a week of not sitting near her at lunch. He could say he didn't miss it, but he did. And while it wasn't as though they ever really conversed about anything at lunch, it still felt…different.
When he sat at lunch on Friday with his friends, he couldn't help but just watch Finley. She hadn't exactly changed, no, but instead of being an outspoken girl who didn't give two fucks, she was more quiet, more reserved. And Alex couldn't help but wonder exactly what happened after she had returned home. He knew her father was unhappy, but how unhappy was he?
"Do you think her dad beats her?" Alex asked.
Jack froze, looking between Rian and Luka. "Whose dad beats who?"
"Finley," Alex clarified, nodding to where she was sitting across the lunch room. "Do you think he does?"
Luka frowned. "Why are you asking?"
"I don't know. He seemed really mad last weekend."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Alex, I thought you were going to, I don't know, move on?"
Alex shrugged. "Do you think it's a possibility?"
"With the way she sucker punched you that one day? I doubt it," Luka said.
Rian nodded. "I agree, bro. She's not the kind of girl that takes shit from anyone. So I doubt it."
"Maybe it has something to do with what she's hiding from you," Jack snapped, his eyes not leaving Alex's.
Alex shook his head, signaling for Jack to back off. He hadn't exactly discussed that with anyone else. "I doubt it."
"Wait, what's she hiding from you?" Rian asked.
"If I knew that, it wouldn't be something hidden," Alex said, turning to face Rian but not before sending Jack a glare.
"Then how do you know she's hiding something?" Luka asked him.
Alex shrugged. "She told me."
"Maybe she's pregnant," Luka offered.
"Or she used to be a man," Rian added.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Or maybe she just wants nothing to do with you, Alex."
"Jack!" Luka exclaimed, staring at her boyfriend in shock. Alright, she knew he could be an asshole. And maybe more was going on between him and Alex that she didn't know. But she still didn't feel as if it called for that kind of behavior. "What is wrong with you?"
"It's fine, Luka," Alex said quietly, picking up his tray of food and standing up. It wasn't that he was mad at Jack for what he said, he was mad that his best friend was probably right. He started walking towards the front of the lunch room, holding his breath when he had to walk by Finley's table. He made the mistake of looking right at her as he walked by and he didn't miss it when she mouthed I'm sorry. He swallowed and looked away, throwing all of his trash in the appropriate bins, before walking out of the cafeteria.
+
Finley knew she wasn't being subtle. She knew that all of Alex's friends would know exactly where she was going when she stood up from her lunch table and followed him out of the room. But she didn't care. Even though she'd been at the school for three weeks, she was still considered "new" and people liked to, well, people just liked to know everything that was going on. Even when it wasn't their business.
Especially when it wasn't their business.
But she put that on the back burner as she followed Alex down the hallway. She didn't know where he was planning on going but she didn't want to stop him just yet. She followed him past the classrooms and down the stairwell until he stopped at the bottom and turning around.
"What the fuck do you want, Finley?" he asked. He didn't sound angry, he just sounded…tired.
Finley stopped in her tracks before she could run into him. That would've been embarrassing. "I just…"
Alex's eyebrows rose and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You just what?"
She sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex," she told him. And while she truly was, the words sounded bitter on her tongue.
"For what?"
Finley rolled her eyes. "Look, Alex, I don't apologize often. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did. Can't you just accept the apology so we can move on?" she asked him.
Alex ran his hands over his hair. "I don't know what you expect from me, Finley," he told her quietly. "You told me we should go back to the way it was before. The way it was before was when we didn't talk. Now you're apologizing. What do you want from me?"
Finley was caught off guard. "I don't. I don't know," she admitted.
"I don't want your apologies, Finley. I'm a big boy, I can get over shit without needing closure. But you admitted that you're keeping something from me. And I don't like that. How can we be friends, or really be anything, when you're hiding something from me?" he asked.
"You're right," she told him quietly. "You're right."
Alex looked down at his feet during the awkward lull in conversation. He had said all that he needed to say, for the most part. While he didn't know what Finley really wanted from him, he sure as hell didn't know what he wanted from her.
"I hope you can trust me when I say that I wish I could tell you," she told him.
"Why can't you tell me?"
She sighed. "Because my father and I have worked too hard to risk it all now."
"Why is telling me such a risk?"
"Alex, please, I'm asking you not to pursue this," Finley told him quietly.
"I--"
"You don't want to go there," she interrupted.
Alex frowned. "What if I do?" he asked her, taking a step closer to her.
Finley shook her head. "That's not a part of my world that I can share with you, Alex."
"What about the other parts of your world? Can you share that with me?"
Finley looked down at her feet. "I don't know, Alex. I can't promise you anything."
"Finley--"
"Alex, I can't," she told him, finally meeting his eyes. "I don't know if anything is certain in my life at this point. I have so much on the line, my father and I have so much on the line. I can't risk anything at this point. I don't even know if I could promise you tomorrow."
"I'm not asking for tomorrow, Finley. I'm asking you to try," Alex told her.
"I don't want to disappoint you," she told him slowly with a shrug.
Alex shook his head. "You won't."
"But what if I do?"
"You won't," he repeated, leaning in and pressing their lips together.
But of course with Finley's luck, it wasn't a surprise when the door to the stairwell slammed open.
Finley jerked back, trying to ignore the fact that her cheeks were beet red, and she looked down at her feet.
Alex, on the other hand, was not as ashamed.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Stuart, a senior level English teacher asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It…is what it looked like," Alex said with a nod.
Mr. Stuart's eyebrows raised. "It looked like you two were skipping your lunch period to make out in the hallways."
"We weren't--" Finley started but she was cut off.
"Yup," Alex agreed with a nod.
Mr. Stuart shook his head. "You have no shame, Mr. Gaskarth."
Alex smiled and shrugged. It wasn't a surprise that Mr. Stuart was not a fan of him. And to be honest, Alex wasn't a fan of the teacher either.
"To the principal's office, both of you."
+
Finley walked into her house after school that day, a smile on her face.
"Why are you smiling?" Robert asked, glancing up from the book he had been reading.
She set a slip of paper down on the coffee table in front of him.
"What's that?"
"I have detention after school on Monday."
In other words: he couldn't forget Friday night.
It felt as if he had made too much progress to just give up. He didn't smother Finley; in essence, he allowed her to come to him when she was, well, ready. It was her decision. He wasn't forcing her into it. But with the recent change of events, he wasn't sure what to do. Moving on was the smart decision. But Alex had never been one to do something just because it was the smart thing to do.
But this time he did try. In fact, he didn't talk to Finley for a week. It might not seem like a long time to outsiders, but it was. It was a week of ignoring her in math (not that she was trying to make contact with him anyway) and a week of not sitting near her at lunch. He could say he didn't miss it, but he did. And while it wasn't as though they ever really conversed about anything at lunch, it still felt…different.
When he sat at lunch on Friday with his friends, he couldn't help but just watch Finley. She hadn't exactly changed, no, but instead of being an outspoken girl who didn't give two fucks, she was more quiet, more reserved. And Alex couldn't help but wonder exactly what happened after she had returned home. He knew her father was unhappy, but how unhappy was he?
"Do you think her dad beats her?" Alex asked.
Jack froze, looking between Rian and Luka. "Whose dad beats who?"
"Finley," Alex clarified, nodding to where she was sitting across the lunch room. "Do you think he does?"
Luka frowned. "Why are you asking?"
"I don't know. He seemed really mad last weekend."
Jack rolled his eyes. "Alex, I thought you were going to, I don't know, move on?"
Alex shrugged. "Do you think it's a possibility?"
"With the way she sucker punched you that one day? I doubt it," Luka said.
Rian nodded. "I agree, bro. She's not the kind of girl that takes shit from anyone. So I doubt it."
"Maybe it has something to do with what she's hiding from you," Jack snapped, his eyes not leaving Alex's.
Alex shook his head, signaling for Jack to back off. He hadn't exactly discussed that with anyone else. "I doubt it."
"Wait, what's she hiding from you?" Rian asked.
"If I knew that, it wouldn't be something hidden," Alex said, turning to face Rian but not before sending Jack a glare.
"Then how do you know she's hiding something?" Luka asked him.
Alex shrugged. "She told me."
"Maybe she's pregnant," Luka offered.
"Or she used to be a man," Rian added.
Jack rolled his eyes. "Or maybe she just wants nothing to do with you, Alex."
"Jack!" Luka exclaimed, staring at her boyfriend in shock. Alright, she knew he could be an asshole. And maybe more was going on between him and Alex that she didn't know. But she still didn't feel as if it called for that kind of behavior. "What is wrong with you?"
"It's fine, Luka," Alex said quietly, picking up his tray of food and standing up. It wasn't that he was mad at Jack for what he said, he was mad that his best friend was probably right. He started walking towards the front of the lunch room, holding his breath when he had to walk by Finley's table. He made the mistake of looking right at her as he walked by and he didn't miss it when she mouthed I'm sorry. He swallowed and looked away, throwing all of his trash in the appropriate bins, before walking out of the cafeteria.
+
Finley knew she wasn't being subtle. She knew that all of Alex's friends would know exactly where she was going when she stood up from her lunch table and followed him out of the room. But she didn't care. Even though she'd been at the school for three weeks, she was still considered "new" and people liked to, well, people just liked to know everything that was going on. Even when it wasn't their business.
Especially when it wasn't their business.
But she put that on the back burner as she followed Alex down the hallway. She didn't know where he was planning on going but she didn't want to stop him just yet. She followed him past the classrooms and down the stairwell until he stopped at the bottom and turning around.
"What the fuck do you want, Finley?" he asked. He didn't sound angry, he just sounded…tired.
Finley stopped in her tracks before she could run into him. That would've been embarrassing. "I just…"
Alex's eyebrows rose and he crossed his arms over his chest. "You just what?"
She sighed. "I'm sorry, Alex," she told him. And while she truly was, the words sounded bitter on her tongue.
"For what?"
Finley rolled her eyes. "Look, Alex, I don't apologize often. In fact, I can't remember the last time I did. Can't you just accept the apology so we can move on?" she asked him.
Alex ran his hands over his hair. "I don't know what you expect from me, Finley," he told her quietly. "You told me we should go back to the way it was before. The way it was before was when we didn't talk. Now you're apologizing. What do you want from me?"
Finley was caught off guard. "I don't. I don't know," she admitted.
"I don't want your apologies, Finley. I'm a big boy, I can get over shit without needing closure. But you admitted that you're keeping something from me. And I don't like that. How can we be friends, or really be anything, when you're hiding something from me?" he asked.
"You're right," she told him quietly. "You're right."
Alex looked down at his feet during the awkward lull in conversation. He had said all that he needed to say, for the most part. While he didn't know what Finley really wanted from him, he sure as hell didn't know what he wanted from her.
"I hope you can trust me when I say that I wish I could tell you," she told him.
"Why can't you tell me?"
She sighed. "Because my father and I have worked too hard to risk it all now."
"Why is telling me such a risk?"
"Alex, please, I'm asking you not to pursue this," Finley told him quietly.
"I--"
"You don't want to go there," she interrupted.
Alex frowned. "What if I do?" he asked her, taking a step closer to her.
Finley shook her head. "That's not a part of my world that I can share with you, Alex."
"What about the other parts of your world? Can you share that with me?"
Finley looked down at her feet. "I don't know, Alex. I can't promise you anything."
"Finley--"
"Alex, I can't," she told him, finally meeting his eyes. "I don't know if anything is certain in my life at this point. I have so much on the line, my father and I have so much on the line. I can't risk anything at this point. I don't even know if I could promise you tomorrow."
"I'm not asking for tomorrow, Finley. I'm asking you to try," Alex told her.
"I don't want to disappoint you," she told him slowly with a shrug.
Alex shook his head. "You won't."
"But what if I do?"
"You won't," he repeated, leaning in and pressing their lips together.
But of course with Finley's luck, it wasn't a surprise when the door to the stairwell slammed open.
Finley jerked back, trying to ignore the fact that her cheeks were beet red, and she looked down at her feet.
Alex, on the other hand, was not as ashamed.
"What's going on here?" Mr. Stuart, a senior level English teacher asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"It…is what it looked like," Alex said with a nod.
Mr. Stuart's eyebrows raised. "It looked like you two were skipping your lunch period to make out in the hallways."
"We weren't--" Finley started but she was cut off.
"Yup," Alex agreed with a nod.
Mr. Stuart shook his head. "You have no shame, Mr. Gaskarth."
Alex smiled and shrugged. It wasn't a surprise that Mr. Stuart was not a fan of him. And to be honest, Alex wasn't a fan of the teacher either.
"To the principal's office, both of you."
+
Finley walked into her house after school that day, a smile on her face.
"Why are you smiling?" Robert asked, glancing up from the book he had been reading.
She set a slip of paper down on the coffee table in front of him.
"What's that?"
"I have detention after school on Monday."