Wall Flower

Nick and Joseph had just given us the money and went on their merry way to go with their family to the park and reserve a spot. Cassandra and I went to her car to go on our merry way to the closest store. We thankfully found a ninety-nine scent store that we had no idea was there. It beat going to the Target, newly adorned with food of all sorts along with the miscellaneous items, that was close by and more expensive.

We grabbed a grocery cart and went around and browsed the groceries and toys.

“Their brother sounds big and scary to be honest,” Cassandra commented while we chose a couple Frisbees.

“Kevin?” I asked confusedly. “We’ve met Kevin, sweetie.”

“No, their other brother, Frank the Tank.” I made an “O” with my mouth. “That just screams, ‘I’m big and bad.’”

“Well, considering how the three others were raised, I’m sure this brother will be a nice guy. Are you sure he’s an older brother?”

“That’s what they make him out to be; they never really said otherwise.”

“Hm.”

We put two Frisbees, one orange and the other purple, into the cart and went to the isle with the food. We silently grabbed both hot dog and burger buns, ketchup, mustard, and hot dogs and patties. As we made our way to the plastic plates and cups is when Cass spoke once more.
With an evil grin staining her round, pretty face, she asked, “How are things with you and Joe?”

“How do you mean?” I replied, as if I did not know what she spoke of.

“You know.” She winked at me and laughed. I rolled my eyes, huffed, and decided to ignore her question. I checked the cart to see if we had everything and mentally added the cost up in my mind to check how much money we would have to give back to the Jonas brothers.

“Loraine,” Cass said, and I still ignored her. I began pulling the cart forward but she pulled it back. I glared at her. “Oooh, looks like I’ve awoken the dragon. I wondered when you’d get in your mood again.”

“Excuse me?”

She pushed the cart forward. “You don’t have to get mad at me like that.”

“If you would not ask such idiotic questions insinuating such things about Joe and me I wouldn’t ignore you. It’s annoying.” I saw her eyes beginning to turn red and she purposefully looked away from me and tried to stay ahead of me. She did this when she was trying to hide her tears. I heard her sniffle. “Cassandra. Don’t cry.”

“I’m not!” she snapped, her voice thick with the effort of trying to hide her steady flow of tears. I saw them drip from her chin.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “But the question you ask is dumb. You’re asking it as if Joe and I are together. We’re not, and aren’t going to be.”

“If you could see the two of you from mine and Nick’s point of view.” She sniffed and turned her head slightly towards me. I could see the slight grin. “Have some hope, little dragon.”

I sighed and remained silent. She followed my lead and let the remainder of her tears fall and wiped her cheeks, under her eyes, and let out an occasional “Ah” when she kept sniffling. We rolled the cart to the cash register, paid for our haul, and pushed the cart out the doors.

“You should know that I’ve decided to stop liking him in a romantic way,” I said as we put our bags into the trunk of the car. She didn’t react, so I continued talking. “It’s too hard and bothersome. By hard I mean the fact that we are good friends is being tainted and will eventually get awkward if I keep thinking, ‘Oh, he looks very handsome in that shirt’ or ‘Did that hug mean friendship or something else?’; and by bothersome I obviously mean if he finds out our friendship is going down the toilet.”

“I figured,” she said. “But it’s okay to have a little crush on the boy. You and him get along really well” – I mentally zipped my mouth shut to keep myself from correcting her grammar usage – “and are a lot closer to each other than you are with Nick or he is with me.”

“But you two are more compatible,” I replied, putting the last bag into the trunk. “If you saw what Nick and I saw at Panera last night.”

I saw her cheeks turn a light pink under her round, tan cheeks. “You know I don’t like Joe that way,” she said quietly.

“And I know who you do like in that way,” I said as quietly.

“I don’t think he likes me in that way,” she whispered, and she quickly retreated to the passenger seat.

I rolled my eyes, closed the trunk, and went to the driver’s seat. I opened the door and sat down with one leg in the car, one out. “Have some hope,” I said, repeating the same words she told me. She grinned slightly.

I turned the car on and backed up.

I didn’t understand how someone as pretty as she could underestimate the fact that boys could and do like her, like Nick. I can see the way he looks at her when he’s with her and when he’s not, like the way he watches her concentrate on homework when we study together at the library or at Panera. It’s probably one of the cutest things I have seen, and I’m happy for her that a guy like Nicholas is showing interest in her because he’s a good egg. She needs a guy like Nicholas after the last boy she was with-but-not-with.

Halfway to the park she said, almost as if she was echoing my thoughts, “He’s different from Jason. Which is a good thing.”

“Well yeah, sweetie,” I laughed. “Nick’s not giving you mixed signals; he isn’t hot and cold.”

“He’s definitely hot,” she muttered and I snickered. “Okay, yeah, let me be shallow for just one instant.”

“Your instant is up,” I said with a smile. “But you’re funny. Back to the subject: Nick’s a good egg. Jason was not.”

“Jason was a good egg,” she said defensively. “He just . . .”

“He just wanted someone to like him even if he didn’t like said someone back,” I said. “He showed a little interest, you showed some back -”

“More like a whole fricken lot.”

“- and he wanted to keep you interested. Jason just . . . kept taking your feelings without giving any back nor did he want anything else from you. He, in essence, used you.”

“But he was still a good egg! I mean, he and I were friends, if anything. We talked; he made sure I was okay. We laughed together and . . . and you should have heard the way he talked about God and the way he worshipped and. . . . That’s what I liked most. He was still a nice guy, despite everything.”

“But he didn’t want a relationship. He got another girlfriend.”

“Yeah, after they only knew each other for four days,” she murmured bitterly.

It still hurt her even after a year. I did think she needed to get over it – a small part of me thought so, but I also had to think of the four months this toxic thing went on between her and Jason. Four months of Jason showing interest for a week and not for two, then showing it again for a month, and not for weeks. And she was still hooked on him like a drug no matter if he was hot or cold. If I did not take that into consideration, of course I would emotionlessly tell her to get over it. I, however, was not emotionless, and she was my friend.

(Dear God, thank you for bringing Nick into her life. I hope you’re bringing him in as a way to help her move on from Jason. You know how much she needs this. I pray that she keeps on looking towards you for help. Thank you.)

“Cassandra Abott, that is in the past. You have a brighter future here at this college and with our two new friends,” I said. “Don’t harp on the past, or you’ll miss the future glories God is setting up for you.”

“Yeah,” she said, suddenly realizing this. “Yeah.”

“Plus, you totally went on a date with Nick on Monday, so I’d say you’re starting to heal from the scar Jason gave you.”

“Yeah!” she said, and then she huffed. “Okay, first, it was not a date. We just had dinner and talked.”

“Is that what you kids are calling it now-a-days?”

“Sh!” she scolded as I pulled into the parking lot of the park. “I just wished it was.”

“Oh I know you did,” I laughed. “Come on, let’s go have fun with our friends.”

When we got out of the car and got to the trunk she tackled me with a hug and said thank you. I hugged her back.

“Did you hear them say he was their little brother?” Cassandra asked me as Nick walked back over to us with a child following suit.

I shook my head. “The nickname they gave him implied that he was larger.”

“He’s adorable!” she squeaked, and she cleared her throat and straightened up. (She had been leaning towards me to conceal our whispers.)

“Loraine, Cass,” Nick said, putting his hand on his small brother’s shoulders as he stood behind him. “I would like you to meet my little brother, Frank the Tank Jonas.”

Little Frank the Tank smiled at us, and his eyes squinted slightly like Nick’s do. “’Sup?” he asked, and he stuck his somewhat smaller hand out towards us. “Nice to meet you guys.”

“You too!” Cass shouted, and she cleared her throat. She took his hand and shook it. “I’m just so excited to meet you.”

The boy laughed. “I can tell.” He stuck his hand out to me. “You’re Loraine. Joe told me you’d be the orange haired one. Is it natural?”

“Frankie,” Nick laughed and gave me an apologetic look.

I shook Frankie’s hand, smiled, and said, “Unfortunately.” I let go of his hand. “The way your brothers spoke of you suggested you would be . . . older and bigger.”

“If by that you mean awesome,” he said with a smile, his eyes squinting slightly again, “then they weren’t lying. I’m the better, smarter, cooler brother.”

Cassandra and I laughed. “After spending as much time as I have with your two brothers,” I replied, “I completely believe you.”

“Loraine, another low blow,” Nick laughed, and he clutched his heart with the hand that had a bag of the items we bought. “Ouch. First you compare me to Joe and then you say my little brother is cooler than me? I didn’t know you could be so mean.”

Cooler than I am, Nicholas, I thought, trying to keep my mouth shut.

“I’m a little dragon, what do you expect?”

“Dragon?” Frankie questioned, and Nick waved us over to the rest of the Jonas family.

As we walked with Nick and Frankie, Cassandra came over to Frankie and draped her arm around his shoulder. He was a head and a half shorter than she. “Loraine is a person we like to call Little Dragon because she has a fiery attitude and, if you think about it, her hair looks like fire from a dragon.”

Frankie laughed, and I groaned. Yet another person to call me that name.

“Mom, Dad,” Nick called to the group. A woman with dark, almost black curly hair looked up at the same moment a man with glasses also looked up. The woman was setting the table with the very pregnant Danielle and the man was starting the small grill attached to the ground with Joe, whom I did not think should be doing anything with fire.

“Loraine and Cass are here,” Nick said to them and smiled over at us before he went to put the bags Cass and I brought on the table. He took all of hers. (I think he might have forgotten about me for a slight moment after he saw Cassandra.)

Cassandra and I looked at each other. I saw my nervous expression mirrored in hers.

“Hi, ladies,” the woman, Mrs. Jonas, said with a smile. Kevin came over to grab some bags from me as she walked over to us. “Good boy,” she said to Kevin as he walked passed her to put the bags on the table.

I called out, “Thanks Kevin,” and he smiled at me.

I looked at Mrs. Jonas and saw where Nick possibly got his eyebrow shape, where the animation in all the boys’ face came from; I found a little bit of the brothers in her, mostly Frankie. She was beautiful, too.

“It’s really nice to meet you girls,” she said, and she hugged me first before she hugged Cass. “How’s your sister, Loraine? I was so sad when I missed the wedding. Garret’s like my fifth son.”

“He spoke of your family many a time,” I said, grinning lightly. “They’re doing fine – excellent, actually. I talked with my sister the late last night and she told me to tell you and your family that she and Garret said hello and that they miss you.”

“Thank you, sweetie.” She turned around to call for Mr. Jonas. As he walked over she said to us, “I really am happy to meet you two. Nick and Joe told us a lot about you guys. I want to thank you for making them so happy.”

“They’ve made us happy,” I said, and was surprised that I said that. Usually it was Cassandra that said things such as that.

“Hello ladies,” Mr. Jonas said, and he stuck his hand out to shake ours. “Nice to have you with us.”

“It’s our pleasure,” Cassandra said and smiled brightly.

“Come on, girls,” Mrs. Jonas said as she took her husband’s hand. “Come make yourselves comfortable.”

We walked over to Kevin and Danielle at the table. They were getting the food and such out of the bags.

“Hey, guys,” Danielle said, and she hugged us tightly. Her baby bump got larger. She must have been ready to pop. “It’s really nice to see you two again.”

Cassandra and I said, “You too,” and we looked at each other.

“Hey, I didn’t know the volleyball was in here,” Kevin said, pulling one from one of the bags. It was Cassandra’s that she brought from home and stuffed in the bag. She gave it to Joe and Nick before they left last night.

Kevin pointed at me, smiled, and said, “When we play, you’re on my team.”

“Big mistake,” Cassandra laughed, and I glared at her.

And thus started a volleyball game. Luckily I did not wear a dress, like Cassandra suggested I wear. She was a little insane, especially knowing we would be playing games that involved being physical and jumping to and fro. I wore jean shorts with my royal blue tank top with thick straps and owls printed onto it; and my hair was down with a white headband. Casual enough to be out, but I was still slightly nice enough to meet my friend’s parents.

Our teams were Kevin, me, and Joe against Frankie, Cassandra and Nick. Frankie was going to be on my team but Joe called a “tap tap” on Kevin and me before Frankie could finish saying, “I wanna be with Loraine and Kevin.” They argued with each other, which I found childish. Once Joe and Kevin figured out how much I suck epically at any kind of physical activity they will want to shoot me.

“Got it, maybe, I don’t - !” I shouted as the ball came towards me. It hit my knuckles and went flying towards Kevin. He ducked before he got volley balled in the face.

“What’s that now?” Cassandra shouted, her arms up and almost striking a “gangster pose.” “Ten to three? You think they’re losing, Frankie?”

“I think we’re powning them, Cass!” he bragged, and he high fived her.

“Hear that, Kevin? Joe? Powning,” Nick said, leaning against the net, staring intensely at his older brothers.

“Sorry, guys,” I said to the eldest Jonas boys. I rubbed my knuckles.

Joe patted me on the back. “No problem, Little Dragon,” he said with a smile. He did not move his hand. “If push comes to shove, you can always use your mind powers on them.”

“Come on guys, Nick’s serving,” Kevin called, and I saw him getting ready to hit the ball. I tried copying his squatting and hand position, though it must have looked awkward when I did.

I was sure Nick was serving to me on purpose just to win. He knew I would miss and almost hit Kevin with the ball or Joe in the face with my fist. There was one instant where I accidentally spiked – at least I thought that was the correct term; whatever hitting the ball over the net with your palm meant, that is what I did – the ball and the others completely missed it. Joe and Kevin hoisted me up onto their shoulders and ignored my screams of surprise and protest.

“See, I knew having you on my team would pay off,” Kevin laughed when he let me down. “You just do that again, and we won’t be losing by ten anymore.”

“We’re on the last quarter, Kev,” Nick said from the other side of the net. “There’s no way you’re going to win; there’s no way I’m going to let you win, bro.”

“We’ll see about that,” Joe said. He nudged me and helped me with my hands. “You don’t want to lace your fingers, ‘cause that’ll hurt them really badly. Tuck one into the other and keep your thumbs down.” I did what he did. “Good, that’s good. And hit the ball on your forearms. You’ve done it a couple times.”

“Why do you think they’re red?” I laughed, though my forearms really stung.

“Her cheeks are red, too,” Cassandra called. She tossed the ball up a couple times with that oh so evil smirk on her cute face. “If you haven’t noticed.”

I was so embarrassed and upset about what she said that when she served I hit the ball the same way I did before and got my team another point. I received high fives from Kevin and Joe, but the victory high did not lost long. We still lost by ten.

“Good game, guys,” Nick said, and I saw his smug expression. “You didn’t suck too, uh, badly, I guess.”

“Yeah,” Cassandra agreed. “Just badly enough for us to dominate!”

She and Nick gave each other high fives, and Nick, without realizing it, I believe, laced his fingers with hers. Their hands slowly lowered, their eyes locked onto the other. When their hands leveled with their faces Nick let go and muttered an apology before quickly walking over to Danielle and sitting next to her at the picnic table.

Cassandra looked rather perplexed, and I did not blame her. She looked at him for a while before getting the ball that had rolled over to a nearby tree.

Kevin leaned towards Joe and me and whispered, “What’s going on between those two?”

“Who knows?” Joe replied as I whispered, “I am unsure.”

He and I looked at each other and he laughed while I found myself transfixed, utterly hopeless. The way he smiled so wide and laughed with such genuine enjoyment made me want whatever he was having; if it was making him so joyful and silly despite the troubles he was having with whomever called him repeatedly I wouldn’t mind a piece of it. I found this whole scene beautiful and, simultaneously, came to terms with the fact that I may never be able to look at him, listen to him speak and laugh, or hug him without thinking he was beautiful.

Kevin must have seen the look on my face and, though he did not know me well, understood what my expression must have meant. Or perhaps he saw it in my eyes. Either way, he looked at Joe, who threw his arm around me and pulled me towards Nick, and looked back at me before winking.

That wink made my blood boil and I was becoming unreasonably angry at Kevin for figuring me out so quickly. I was sure Nick did not know, and he was with me almost all hours of the day. How is it that Kevin Jonas, a man I have only met once before, and barely at that, knew of my conflicting emotions for his younger brother by just watching me look at Joe?

I was upset that I felt this anger, and it must have shown on my face, because when Nick looked up from Danielle’s stomach (he was rubbing it and murmuring things while Danielle smiled) and saw me he raised his brow. I shrugged at him. Joe must have taken it like I wanted his arm off of me because he looked at me what uncertainty and removed his arm. I hoped he read the apology in my eyes, one that said I did not mind, but the only problem was that it slightly broke my heart for taking it as something else and threatening to put a dent in our friendship because of my feelings.

(Dear God, is this the man you want for me? Or am I chasing a dream you have not set for me? Oh Lord, I like him so much, and he sounds so beautiful when he worships You, and when he speaks, and when he laughs. Should I want a relationship with him, one that includes romance? I don’t want to ruin our friendship, because now that I have it I don’t want to lose it. He’s such a good friend to me, and so soon. . . . Please, help me. I need You. Amen.)

“You guys hungry?” Mrs. Jonas asked us just as the scent of hamburgers hit my face. My stomach growled, but for some reason I did not feel like eating. I knew it was unhealthy of me not to eat, and I knew, through discipleship that I have had with my high school teachers, that God would not want me to ruin my body because I couldn’t move on from . . . from. . . .

“Loraine,” Cassandra called, and my head snapped over to her. She looked worried, very worried. Joe and Nick were looking at me the same way, though they did not really understand the whole reason why I blacked out and probably looked so sad. I normally look sad (it was what I called my default, I’m-just-minding-my-own-business facial expression) but they must have realized that the expression I had was of true sadness, of pain brought on by some memory that I have not shared with the brothers.

“I’ll get you a plate,” Joe said, and he gave me one last look before getting me my food. Cassandra and I sat on the other side of Danielle and Nick. Joe sat next to me and put the food, a hamburger with tons of lettuce and a red apple, in front of me. He even brought a water bottle for me.

I reached for the water and he stopped me. “Wait!” he exclaimed, and I jumped as he grabbed the bottle and took out a sharpie from his back pocket. God only knows why Joe would keep a sharpie on his person.

Joe turned away from me and scribbled something onto my water bottle. I waited patiently while curiosity nearly consumed me. Kevin walked by Joe and, having probably seen what his younger brother was doing, laughed once before sitting next to his wife.

Joe put the water bottle back where it was and said, with much satisfaction, “There we go.”

I couldn’t help but smile and laugh with the same joy he usually laughed with, and I was gladder to realize that I did have that same joy, somewhere deep down, that he brought out of me more quickly than Cassandra did.

He drew two eyes and a thick handlebar mustache on my water bottle, and it was winking at me.

“Thanks,” I said to him quietly.

“Anytime,” replied he, and we locked eyes.

I might not know where our relationship is supposed to be, but I do know that God put him in my life for a reason, and this is it: he finds ways to cheer me up in a heartbeat in a way that not even Cassandra can, and she has been my best friend for years. We were meant to make each other happy, it seems. This could possibly be the reason we became such good friends in such a short amount of time. Could this be the reason I am attracted to him so much?

Oh dear. . . .

Silhouette on evening sky

casted a shadow upon the

ground, facial details hidden

by heavenly light over-flowing

the blushing clouds above.

Dare he move from his spot?

that silhouette asks; dare he

mar the flawlessness of such a

moment? Alas, he shall dare,

and so the silhouette departed in

a flash

Joe said to me, “You look very deep in thought,” and he sat to the right of me on the blanket Mrs. Jonas provided for me earlier.

“Because I am – or was, until you spoke,” said I. “Bored with the poor Frisbee already, are we?”

“Nah, I just wanted to come sit down with you.” He paused, looking rather guilty, and a moment later he confessed. “And I wanted to escape wrath from my mom once she stops babying Frankie’s new scar . . . or bruise . . . or welt . . . or whatever injury it is gonna be.”

My eyebrows went up. “What did you do, little snake child?”

“I didn’t do it on purpose, I promise! Before Kevin threw it to me I saw Frankie asking for it so I figured I’d throw it to him, but I didn’t except him not to -”

A soft buzzing sound stopped him short, and his hand immediately flew to his pocket closest to me. He stared at me for a moment, guilt yet again hidden in his irises, though it was a different guilt from a few minutes before. I recognized that guilt, and the vibrating of his phone confirmed my recognition.

He opened his mouth to apologize but I stopped him before he could. “Go ahead, it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

Without looking down at his phone he retrieved it from his pocket, touched the screen (points for him for tapping the right part of the screen to answer the phone), and said a tentative, “Hello.”

He must have had the volume on high because the person on the other line was speaking calmly (for once, I might add), but said person could be heard clearly on my end. It was muffled, and though I tried not to hear, their words reached my ears anyway. “. . . Asking for you, Joe, and I’m tired of telling. . . .”

As he stood up he said, “Don’t say that, ‘cause then I look like -”

The other person, a woman, said something to interrupt him, and he walked away and replied with an inaudible response. I was left to sit on the blanket with my knees curled to my chest, arms wrapped around them, and chin rested on my knee caps, staring at that silhouette as it attempted to remake the moment described in my poem earlier; it was with less beauty this time, for the silhouette was forlorn.

A moment later a new silhouette formed next to Joe’s and it grew as it came closer. It had a head of short curly hair; I thought it might be Nick until it – he, I mean – spoke.

“Mind if I join you?” Kevin asked, and I looked down as I nodded. I was not as unjustly heated as I was before with him; however, that heat had dissolved into steam and if I were a cartoon character traces of steam would be emitting from my ears.

He put his knees up and rested his forearms against them, back slightly hunched, and he glanced at me before taking a quick glance at Joe as well. I sighed heavily at that, and he looked down at his hands as they hung limply.

It was a short while, with Joe still speaking with the woman on the phone, until Kevin said, “Do you know who it is he’s talking to?”

I shook my head negatively. “I don’t want to pry therefore I don’t ask.”

He did not reply, though he looked deep in thought. I figured he knew, just like Nick did, and just would not tell me. I respected that, for I wanted Joe to tell me when he was ready to do so.

Kevin suddenly asked me a question that made me start slightly. “Do you have feelings for my brother?”

“Nick? No, I think of him as you do: a brother.” Sarcasm, thou art my greatest comrade.

Kevin chuckled, and I think it was because of my flushed cheeks. “Sorry for being so straight forward; I usually am not like that. It came out of me.” I rolled my eyes, and I felt a bit sorry for it. He was a good sport, though, and said, “But I know you don’t think of Nick that way. Joe . . . well, I know he likes you a lot. You two are definitely closer friends than I thought; I actually thought he was exaggerating.”

“Surprisingly enough, he was not,” I replied.

“The rest of us thought when Joe called to tell us you and Cass were in a dorm in the building across from him, that he was gonna explode” – (little did he know I almost did as well) – “and that he was gonna scare you away. From what your sister gushes about you, we didn’t think you two’d click.”

I shrugged with a grin, and he added, “I’m really glad you guys are friends, and I’m really glad he didn’t scare you away. You’re really fun to have around, Little Dragon.”

My bangs fell in front of my eyes, the way I wanted them to. That was twice now that Kevin made me blush. I looked at him and smiled. He had his eyebrows raised and a huge, radiating smile. We bust out in laughter as Danielle waddled over.

“Hey, babe,” Kevin said with dying laughter. “Loraine and I were just bonding.”

Danielle put her hand out to Kevin and he helped her sit down on the blanket next to him. She was not only holding a smile on her lips but in her eyes as well. She was really pretty, especially with the light of the barely setting sun.

“Hope you don’t mind me and Clarissa joining this bonding session,” said she, and she rubbed her swollen abdomen tenderly.

I replied, “Of course not.”

We talked and exchanged stories of childhood and siblings. Joe came back for a moment but before he could sit down he had to answer the phone once more. Even as the whole family joined us, and Frankie and Cassandra began a poking war, Joe was still on the phone. He would argue heatedly one moment, his eyes reflecting the fire in his words. Suddenly the fire would die, and a candlelight-like glow dazzled his eyes instead. The candlelight-like glow was one that I had not seen before, and it delighted me to see him happy when talking on the phone for once. The candle-soft flame burst into a forest fire the moment I felt relief for him.

“It’s getting dark,” Mrs. Jonas said, “we should get going.” She let out a drawn-out sigh, and I could understand why: she had just turned her attention away from Joe and was trying to put on a normal, impartial facial expression for her family, though I could see the worry etched on her kind face.

While Cassandra and I were hugging the Jonases farewell, promising to see each other tomorrow at church, Joe had not yet ended his conversation with the unkown woman. He sat a distance away on the upturned roots of a tree, still in a shadow of a nearly disappeared sun. His shoulders shook violently and I could hear the sniffles from where I stood. The desperate part of me hoped he was being hit by a sudden cold.

Kevin and I hugged, but since we were so distracted by Joe’s condition, we bumped heads; however that was not the funny part, it was the fact we kept our attention on Joe without reacting to our now throbbing temples.

“You ought to go to him by yourself,” I whispered. “He has not shared with me with whom he speaks over the phone, and neither has Nick, therefore it would be inappropriate for me to comfort him.” I looked at Cassandra and, as she hugged Frankie, gave me a wary look.

I looked at Joe then and saw him wipe his cheek with the back of his hand. My heart shattered at the sight of his shiny, newly dampened hand.

I hugged Kevin again to whisper, “Tell him I’ll see him tomorrow and that I’m praying for him. Give him a hug for me, will you?” I pulled back to look him in the eye when I begged, “Please.”

There was a new realization in his hazel eyes; I could see it not only in his eyes but hear it in his voice as he said, “No problem,” and gave me a peck on the cheek. “Thank you for caring so much for him. He needs it.”

“I do too,” I whispered, but not because I was trying not to draw more attention to Joe or me; I did so because my lungs had constricted and my throat was beginning to thicken with tears and sorrow.

I left Kevin’s arms and walked as fast as I could, without making a scene, to my car to hide the wetness pouring down my cheeks from the Jonas family.

There were many reasons why I cried: The love I felt from a new and unexpected close friendship forming between Kevin and I; the love and strong friendship I felt for Joe; I cried for the pain he was feeling because it was rapidly becoming my pain, and I did not even know what caused it; and lastly, I cried because the love I was giving and receiving from others was so overwhelming, the need to take away pain and worry from my friend so overpowering, that I asked God how he could handle seeing his creation in pain, understand and feel it, and not feel too helpless.