Status: Completed
Psyche
15
The thing with Jamie is, he always sort of knew he would do this one day. He’s been thinking about it in a way that he just expected it to happen naturally, whenever. Maybe not in this decade, at this age, but sometime in his life.
Guess it was just meant to happen now.
Jamie notes that school is over by now, and Alexandria is on her way home. Jean is probably going to band practice. Thinking about them makes the guilt come, and so he pushes it away, says they don’t exist anymore.
He never threw the pills away (he’s so thoughtful; he didn’t want to waste Girlie’s money), kept them hidden in the back of his closet. He gets them out and wonders how much he has to take till he passes out. His throat closes up at the thought of it.
He used to tell himself, no matter, he wants it to be painless. And fast. He didn’t want others to see, so no doing it on webcam or jumping off from a place surrounded by crowds. He didn't want to traumatize strangers or have them mock him.
He wasn’t even going to leave a note.
As if he has anything worth saying.
Jamie thinks if he takes a lot he’ll vomit, and maybe he’ll end up choking on that. If he passes out face down on the pillow he could slowly suffocate himself.
He begins taking them, all of them, till his mouth taste like chalk. He rubs his eyes but he’s not crying. He thinks this means he’s lost all emotions.
This is great.
This is good.
(This is horrible.)
(This is a mistake.)
Guess it was just meant to happen now.
Jamie notes that school is over by now, and Alexandria is on her way home. Jean is probably going to band practice. Thinking about them makes the guilt come, and so he pushes it away, says they don’t exist anymore.
He never threw the pills away (he’s so thoughtful; he didn’t want to waste Girlie’s money), kept them hidden in the back of his closet. He gets them out and wonders how much he has to take till he passes out. His throat closes up at the thought of it.
He used to tell himself, no matter, he wants it to be painless. And fast. He didn’t want others to see, so no doing it on webcam or jumping off from a place surrounded by crowds. He didn't want to traumatize strangers or have them mock him.
He wasn’t even going to leave a note.
As if he has anything worth saying.
Jamie thinks if he takes a lot he’ll vomit, and maybe he’ll end up choking on that. If he passes out face down on the pillow he could slowly suffocate himself.
He begins taking them, all of them, till his mouth taste like chalk. He rubs his eyes but he’s not crying. He thinks this means he’s lost all emotions.
This is great.
This is good.
(This is horrible.)
(This is a mistake.)