Remember
but not this time, I'm not lying to myself
I don't want to do this, I think, watching as we move closer to the opening. I can see Andy waiting on the other side of the gate, making sure the man guarding lets us pass. My mind plays through all these scenarios, wishing the man wouldn't allow us to pass and having it so Andy cannot convince him to allow us through. I know it won't work that way. I know even if the man doesn't allow us on our own, Andy would easily be able to get the man to step aside.
I let out a low sigh, not wanting to deal with all the drama. Rhys wraps his arm around my shoulder, smiling down at me in a reassuring manner. "Everything is going to be fine," he says so quiet I'm sure I'm the only one who heard. I smile up at him, letting him know his words helped and that I'm thankful for that. He seemed to understand what the smile meant as a small smile found itself across his lips.
Andy watched us from the other side of the fence. You could tell he had some sort of look on his face, but the distance made it difficult to tell what look it was or what it meant. His eyes were squinted slightly as he watched, but with the sun blazing over us, he could have been trying not to be blinded by the brightness. That seems the most logical answer.
The guard let us through without any problem, we didn't have to even speak to the man. As soon as we were in front of him, Andy stepped up telling him we're the ones he wanted to see. The man nodded to Andy, stepping aside to give us more room to pass through the opening. Andy smiled, said his thanks to the man, and turned, walking off in the direction of (what I assume to be) his bus.
The walk to the bus didn't seem too long, but that could have been because my mind was so high in the clouds I had to be forced back to Earth by Riktor tackling me to the ground. I notice the additional eyes on us, a slight bit of confusion as to who we are. Ignoring the people I don't know but recognize as the other members of the band, I push Riktor off me before standing to pat the dirt off my clothes. "Thanks," I mutter, rolling my eyes.
Riktor stands, wrapping his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder as he shouts, "You're welcome!" in my ear. I have no time to push Riktor away, again, before Andy grabs my arm, pulling me with him only stopping to shout an introduction ("Guys, this is Addi- er, Addison!").
He pulls me onto the bus, not stopping until we reach a sitting area at the back of the bus. I nibble at my bottom lip, not entirely sure what's going to happen, and not entirely sure I want this conversation to take place. Andy motions for me to take a seat, which I do, and he sits beside me, leaving a small space between us. An awkward silence falls, he fidgets with his fingers seeming to find the right way to start the conversation. I refuse to start it, I'm not the one who asked for it to happen.
"I've gotten all your letters," he finally says, after a moment of silence. I nod, not knowing how to take that. He had ended up with my hundred or so letters, after all, and never once replied…
"That hurts," I mumble out before he can say anything else. He nods in response, looking off at something random. I bit my lip harder than usual, hoping the tears I feel welling up in my eyes won't fall; hoping they'll disappear and Andy will never see him. "Why now?" My voice comes out so quite I'm sure he didn't hear but a whistle in his ear.
"Pardon me?"
I take in a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in my throat before repeating myself, "Why now?" I turn my full attention to him, not giving him a chance to answer as I continue on, "Why now? Why after I push forth to get your attention, again! do you actually want something to do with me? You've spent years without me just fine, given more than once chance to talk to me!" Shouts coming out of my mouth the longer I talk before I drop down to a whisper again, "So why do you care now?" I watched him, waiting for an answer, but silence followed. His face fell, a look of pain shining in his icy irises.
"You think I didn't care." It wasn't a question, more a statement to himself. His voice stayed quiet, the pain becoming more apparent in his eyes the longer the silence went on.
I stood from my spot on the couch. Looking down at him, I shook my head. "You didn't." I turned my head away, starting toward the door only stopping to say, "I can't do this," just loud enough for him to hear. With that I left the bus, left the band, left Rhys and Reena, left Riktor.
I called my mum to come get me. Wanting to go home and just be alone, completely exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I was forced upon. Wanting to go back to old habits.
I let out a low sigh, not wanting to deal with all the drama. Rhys wraps his arm around my shoulder, smiling down at me in a reassuring manner. "Everything is going to be fine," he says so quiet I'm sure I'm the only one who heard. I smile up at him, letting him know his words helped and that I'm thankful for that. He seemed to understand what the smile meant as a small smile found itself across his lips.
Andy watched us from the other side of the fence. You could tell he had some sort of look on his face, but the distance made it difficult to tell what look it was or what it meant. His eyes were squinted slightly as he watched, but with the sun blazing over us, he could have been trying not to be blinded by the brightness. That seems the most logical answer.
The guard let us through without any problem, we didn't have to even speak to the man. As soon as we were in front of him, Andy stepped up telling him we're the ones he wanted to see. The man nodded to Andy, stepping aside to give us more room to pass through the opening. Andy smiled, said his thanks to the man, and turned, walking off in the direction of (what I assume to be) his bus.
The walk to the bus didn't seem too long, but that could have been because my mind was so high in the clouds I had to be forced back to Earth by Riktor tackling me to the ground. I notice the additional eyes on us, a slight bit of confusion as to who we are. Ignoring the people I don't know but recognize as the other members of the band, I push Riktor off me before standing to pat the dirt off my clothes. "Thanks," I mutter, rolling my eyes.
Riktor stands, wrapping his arms around me, resting his head on my shoulder as he shouts, "You're welcome!" in my ear. I have no time to push Riktor away, again, before Andy grabs my arm, pulling me with him only stopping to shout an introduction ("Guys, this is Addi- er, Addison!").
He pulls me onto the bus, not stopping until we reach a sitting area at the back of the bus. I nibble at my bottom lip, not entirely sure what's going to happen, and not entirely sure I want this conversation to take place. Andy motions for me to take a seat, which I do, and he sits beside me, leaving a small space between us. An awkward silence falls, he fidgets with his fingers seeming to find the right way to start the conversation. I refuse to start it, I'm not the one who asked for it to happen.
"I've gotten all your letters," he finally says, after a moment of silence. I nod, not knowing how to take that. He had ended up with my hundred or so letters, after all, and never once replied…
"That hurts," I mumble out before he can say anything else. He nods in response, looking off at something random. I bit my lip harder than usual, hoping the tears I feel welling up in my eyes won't fall; hoping they'll disappear and Andy will never see him. "Why now?" My voice comes out so quite I'm sure he didn't hear but a whistle in his ear.
"Pardon me?"
I take in a deep breath, swallowing down the lump in my throat before repeating myself, "Why now?" I turn my full attention to him, not giving him a chance to answer as I continue on, "Why now? Why after I push forth to get your attention, again! do you actually want something to do with me? You've spent years without me just fine, given more than once chance to talk to me!" Shouts coming out of my mouth the longer I talk before I drop down to a whisper again, "So why do you care now?" I watched him, waiting for an answer, but silence followed. His face fell, a look of pain shining in his icy irises.
"You think I didn't care." It wasn't a question, more a statement to himself. His voice stayed quiet, the pain becoming more apparent in his eyes the longer the silence went on.
I stood from my spot on the couch. Looking down at him, I shook my head. "You didn't." I turned my head away, starting toward the door only stopping to say, "I can't do this," just loud enough for him to hear. With that I left the bus, left the band, left Rhys and Reena, left Riktor.
I called my mum to come get me. Wanting to go home and just be alone, completely exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster I was forced upon. Wanting to go back to old habits.
♠ ♠ ♠
title credit: so who said romance was dead? - glamour of the killfirst i want to thank all 56 of you for subscribing. thats means a major lot to me.
thanks you to the following for commenting on the last chapter:
Durch-Den-Monsun-87
Neon_Skies_Killjoy (x3?)
zombie heart
Purple Nightmares
Briizzaa.Alvarenga.6
Mr. Patrick Star
The Mini Monster
bloodyvengeance
MurderInkorporated.
Aurielle
mindless;
so.. anyone expecing that? bet not! i have this whole story planned out, so i apologise now if it ends up not being what you wish. ive had it completely planned out from the beginning.
the original fiction, i dont think ill be posting it yet. i think im going to work on it. get a few chapters written out before i start posting it just so i dont have two stories without prewritten chapters to update. with how my life is going right now, i dont think id be able to handle it.
anyway, thanks for reading. you guys mean a ton to me!