Remember
if you ever say never too late
Pulling my knees to my chest, I watch the door as the handle turns and the door is pushed open. With my chin resting atop my knees, I wrap my arms tighter around my legs, trying to hold myself together as a gorgeous girl dress beautifully in a 1950's greaser style walks through the door, a very tired looking Riktor following behind her. I watch with curious eyes as they converse, my ears not picking up on the actual words being spoken.
It feels like all too soon they are splitting apart, her walking over to my 'roommate,' and Riktor over to me, seemingly pleased to find I have awoken. A grin is plastered to his face, only seeming to widen the closer he gets to me, although his eyes still shine with the sorrow he feels because of me. This is all my fault. His pain is because of me. I tilt my head down, burying my face in my blanket coated knees not wanting to see the pain in his eyes any longer. If it weren't for me, he'd still be happy.
The bed dips beside me under the weight of, who I assume to be, Riktor, and a hand is placed on my back, rubbing gentle yet soothing circles. His head is soon resting itself upon my shoulder, hand sliding down so his arm is wrapped around my waist in a hug instead as his breath moves my hair into tickling my neck. I twitch slightly at the feeling letting a small, quiet giggly fall from my lips. Riktor moves away from me to give me room to sit up straight. Once I'm up straight, looking at him shyly with my bottom lip between my teeth he whispers, “I'm glad you're still here.” And I smile. It's small, and barely genuine, but it's still a smile nonetheless- a smile meant for Riktor and no-one else. Riktor is my rock, and without him I'm not sure where I would honestly be.
Riktor and I sit in silence, just enjoying the company of one another- something we used to do often before everything became incredibly complicated. My fingers itch to move across a keyboard in order to form words to post on my blog, allowing my followers to be updated with the most recent events. Andy being involved in my life has left me neglecting my internet life, which admittedly used to be my life. Now everything has been tossed around and left laying upside down on the side of the road- I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. I suppose you could say that's the reason I am in this situation in the first place. If I knew how to handle things better maybe I wouldn't be in the hospital right now, and everything would never have been blown out of proportion because it was.. I think.
I sigh, leaning into Riktor's side as quiet tears of frustration start to fall. I just want to be happy without all these things coming around to mess it all up. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair, I remind myself as Riktor wraps his arm around me in a brotherly hug. To pull myself away from the negative thoughts, I focus on the sound of my 'roommate' and his girlfriend quietly conversing on the other side of the curtain. Their words seem mumbled as though there is an actual wall between us, not a thin piece of fabric, but their shuffled movements sound as though there is nothing to block the sound from my ears.
I only pull away from focusing on them at the sound of Riktor's voice. “Rhys wants to know if you're okay with him coming to see you.” I smile with a nod, not trusting my voice. Every time I open it, trying to speak, the words seem to not want to move across my vocal cords, the vibrations never sending sound past my parted lips. Riktor pulls out his phone, tapping away at the keys to send a messages to, whom I assume to be, Rhys in order to let him know that, yes, I do want him to come see me. After the message is sent, he turns his attention back to me, though, after the words leave his mouth I wish he had kept his attention on his phone. “Would it be too much for Andy to come see you, too?”
And all over again I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me.
Soon there will be nothing left,
and I will cease to exist.
It feels like all too soon they are splitting apart, her walking over to my 'roommate,' and Riktor over to me, seemingly pleased to find I have awoken. A grin is plastered to his face, only seeming to widen the closer he gets to me, although his eyes still shine with the sorrow he feels because of me. This is all my fault. His pain is because of me. I tilt my head down, burying my face in my blanket coated knees not wanting to see the pain in his eyes any longer. If it weren't for me, he'd still be happy.
The bed dips beside me under the weight of, who I assume to be, Riktor, and a hand is placed on my back, rubbing gentle yet soothing circles. His head is soon resting itself upon my shoulder, hand sliding down so his arm is wrapped around my waist in a hug instead as his breath moves my hair into tickling my neck. I twitch slightly at the feeling letting a small, quiet giggly fall from my lips. Riktor moves away from me to give me room to sit up straight. Once I'm up straight, looking at him shyly with my bottom lip between my teeth he whispers, “I'm glad you're still here.” And I smile. It's small, and barely genuine, but it's still a smile nonetheless- a smile meant for Riktor and no-one else. Riktor is my rock, and without him I'm not sure where I would honestly be.
Riktor and I sit in silence, just enjoying the company of one another- something we used to do often before everything became incredibly complicated. My fingers itch to move across a keyboard in order to form words to post on my blog, allowing my followers to be updated with the most recent events. Andy being involved in my life has left me neglecting my internet life, which admittedly used to be my life. Now everything has been tossed around and left laying upside down on the side of the road- I'm not entirely sure how to handle it. I suppose you could say that's the reason I am in this situation in the first place. If I knew how to handle things better maybe I wouldn't be in the hospital right now, and everything would never have been blown out of proportion because it was.. I think.
I sigh, leaning into Riktor's side as quiet tears of frustration start to fall. I just want to be happy without all these things coming around to mess it all up. It isn't fair. Life isn't fair, I remind myself as Riktor wraps his arm around me in a brotherly hug. To pull myself away from the negative thoughts, I focus on the sound of my 'roommate' and his girlfriend quietly conversing on the other side of the curtain. Their words seem mumbled as though there is an actual wall between us, not a thin piece of fabric, but their shuffled movements sound as though there is nothing to block the sound from my ears.
I only pull away from focusing on them at the sound of Riktor's voice. “Rhys wants to know if you're okay with him coming to see you.” I smile with a nod, not trusting my voice. Every time I open it, trying to speak, the words seem to not want to move across my vocal cords, the vibrations never sending sound past my parted lips. Riktor pulls out his phone, tapping away at the keys to send a messages to, whom I assume to be, Rhys in order to let him know that, yes, I do want him to come see me. After the message is sent, he turns his attention back to me, though, after the words leave his mouth I wish he had kept his attention on his phone. “Would it be too much for Andy to come see you, too?”
And all over again I feel like my whole world is crumbling around me.
Soon there will be nothing left,
and I will cease to exist.
♠ ♠ ♠
title credit: to the end - my chemical romancethanks to everyone that has anything to do with this crappy story, and special thanks to the following for commenting.
obscure-
Liar Liar
H.A.P.P.Y.
this story has twenty chapters in word. and this update would have been done earlier today but tumblr twitter and albuquerque distracted me.
my tumblr my twitter
feel free to talk to me on either of those or even through here!
also i have two other stories i would love for you to check out if you would please!
Keep Me Guessing is an alex gaskarth fanfic with original male character as his love interest.
Death Never Looked So Beautiful is a devin sola / chris ceruilli fanfic.