Remember
can someone save us
Two gentle, barely-there knocks, sound from the door, echoing slightly throughout the nearly empty room I have been moved to. I keep my eyes on the door as though a target for me to take aim. Without any words from my lips, the door opens to reveal Rhys in all his punk-rock glory and a comforting, releaved smile upon his lips. His hair is cascading down the side of his head, resting just above his left shoulder, making it seem as though he has only half his head shaved. Rhys makes his way over to me tenderly, moving as if movements too fast would startle me- frighten me away causing small boughts of irritation to well up beneath my skin. I am not a child, and with how everyone is treating me, it seems as though to them I am nothing more than a small, naïve, innocent, young child. I push the irritation aside, my eyes following Rhys as he slowly, carefully takes a seat in the chair place beside my bed. My eyes never leave his form, watching him as his hands come together on his lap, his eyes focusing on the annoying pattern of the faux tiled flood. Completely unsure of how I should be reacting around Rhys I sit back, watch him, wait for him to iniitiate...anything.
"You..." he starts, trailing off at the end whilest his eyes find mind, looking as though he's searching for the right wording. With a sigh, he raises his hand, placing it over my own shyly. "When Riktor told me what you had done..." his eyes turn upward as his nostrils flair. Watching, I notice a slight, barely-there glisten in his eyes. "You've quickly become an important part of my life, Addison. Please don't leave." His eyes turn back to mine, and instead oof fighting back the tears as he had been only moments before, he allows the droplets to slide down his cheeks. I almost feel detached- as though I am not really there, but watching from an outside source. Almost because I know I am here, and I feel a sense of sorrow deep within me at being the cause of his pain. Slowly I bring my hand out from underneath his in order to carefully wrap my arms around his shoulders the best I can with our given positions. I can feel the smile against my neck where Rhys has buried his face, arms wrapped tightly- protectively around me.
"That wasn't my intention," I inform him after a long moment of silence and hugging. Rhys' tears have stopped falling, his cheeks only slightly chilled from where the salted water had been falling, leaving only slight red marks in its wake. Rhys tightened his arms around me more at my words. I can only assume that it's his way of telling me he understands, and I almost giggle at his actions because taking a step back, actually looking at Rhys, I never would have thought him to be such a hugger (a wonderful one at that). He is most probably a great cuddler, too.
With a sigh, he pulls away from me, his eyes darting around the room clearly picking every little thing apart. "I hate that you're here. It isn't fair to you..." I can't stop the giggle from pushing past my lips, flooding the room with its sound at his words. Rhys doesn't seem to understand what exactly had caused my fit of giggles, but it's obvious he doesn't care as long as it's happiness overtaking me and not that putrid depression I have been diagnosed with. What a surprise. Depression and anxiety. They told me as if I hadn't already known long before some PhD was thrown into the picture.
"I brought this on myself," I remind him. Another sigh falls from his lips as he lifts himself to take a seat beside me on my hospital bed. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, smiling softly at me as I lean into his warmth.
"Life did this to you."
"I did this to me."
"I don't want to argue with you," he breathes out. It alomst sounds like a sigh, but I know the difference. With how many times he has sighed since he got here, I feel as though I could probbaly point him out by sigh in a crowded room. Now there is a creepy thought inwhich I cannot save for to giggle. Rhys looks at me as though I have grown an extra head, with no blame falling from my lips because I understand his reaction. I was sent to the hospital for self-harm, attempted suicide, and now I sit within the mental health ward of said hospital with the rest of the mentally unstable people. It only fits that he would look at me as though I have completely gone off the deep end, as according to society that is now the types of people I have been surrounded by.
"Just a thought, that's why." My sentence isn't fully there, but Rhys nods. Whether or not he actually understands is another story- an unknown story. I lean farther into him, wishing to be saved from the frozen Hell I have been thrust into by my mother. She did it for me, to help me, I keep reminding myself in order to save the both of us the bitter attitude that might come otherwise. I would rather not have that happen, and I am positive my mum doesn't want me acting in such a manner toward her.
"Riktor was telling me you don't want Andy to come see you." It wasn't a question, and it certainly didn't sound as if he is finished talking. His eyes find mine, guaging my nonexistent reaction to his words. I know where this is going without him continuing on, but I allow him to talk regardless. "He had them drop the last couple dates of Warped to come back to see you, Addi. He really does care about you."
I stare, an emotionless mask covering my face as I internally freak out. All the thoughts from yesterday come flooding back, and I think that maybe he should come see me, if only for us to talk beause I need to tell him there can never be an 'us.' We are two different people, living two different lives, from two completely different worlds. There is no place in our worlds to meet, and I need him to see this. We will both be happier after we acknowledge this.
"You..." he starts, trailing off at the end whilest his eyes find mind, looking as though he's searching for the right wording. With a sigh, he raises his hand, placing it over my own shyly. "When Riktor told me what you had done..." his eyes turn upward as his nostrils flair. Watching, I notice a slight, barely-there glisten in his eyes. "You've quickly become an important part of my life, Addison. Please don't leave." His eyes turn back to mine, and instead oof fighting back the tears as he had been only moments before, he allows the droplets to slide down his cheeks. I almost feel detached- as though I am not really there, but watching from an outside source. Almost because I know I am here, and I feel a sense of sorrow deep within me at being the cause of his pain. Slowly I bring my hand out from underneath his in order to carefully wrap my arms around his shoulders the best I can with our given positions. I can feel the smile against my neck where Rhys has buried his face, arms wrapped tightly- protectively around me.
"That wasn't my intention," I inform him after a long moment of silence and hugging. Rhys' tears have stopped falling, his cheeks only slightly chilled from where the salted water had been falling, leaving only slight red marks in its wake. Rhys tightened his arms around me more at my words. I can only assume that it's his way of telling me he understands, and I almost giggle at his actions because taking a step back, actually looking at Rhys, I never would have thought him to be such a hugger (a wonderful one at that). He is most probably a great cuddler, too.
With a sigh, he pulls away from me, his eyes darting around the room clearly picking every little thing apart. "I hate that you're here. It isn't fair to you..." I can't stop the giggle from pushing past my lips, flooding the room with its sound at his words. Rhys doesn't seem to understand what exactly had caused my fit of giggles, but it's obvious he doesn't care as long as it's happiness overtaking me and not that putrid depression I have been diagnosed with. What a surprise. Depression and anxiety. They told me as if I hadn't already known long before some PhD was thrown into the picture.
"I brought this on myself," I remind him. Another sigh falls from his lips as he lifts himself to take a seat beside me on my hospital bed. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, smiling softly at me as I lean into his warmth.
"Life did this to you."
"I did this to me."
"I don't want to argue with you," he breathes out. It alomst sounds like a sigh, but I know the difference. With how many times he has sighed since he got here, I feel as though I could probbaly point him out by sigh in a crowded room. Now there is a creepy thought inwhich I cannot save for to giggle. Rhys looks at me as though I have grown an extra head, with no blame falling from my lips because I understand his reaction. I was sent to the hospital for self-harm, attempted suicide, and now I sit within the mental health ward of said hospital with the rest of the mentally unstable people. It only fits that he would look at me as though I have completely gone off the deep end, as according to society that is now the types of people I have been surrounded by.
"Just a thought, that's why." My sentence isn't fully there, but Rhys nods. Whether or not he actually understands is another story- an unknown story. I lean farther into him, wishing to be saved from the frozen Hell I have been thrust into by my mother. She did it for me, to help me, I keep reminding myself in order to save the both of us the bitter attitude that might come otherwise. I would rather not have that happen, and I am positive my mum doesn't want me acting in such a manner toward her.
"Riktor was telling me you don't want Andy to come see you." It wasn't a question, and it certainly didn't sound as if he is finished talking. His eyes find mine, guaging my nonexistent reaction to his words. I know where this is going without him continuing on, but I allow him to talk regardless. "He had them drop the last couple dates of Warped to come back to see you, Addi. He really does care about you."
I stare, an emotionless mask covering my face as I internally freak out. All the thoughts from yesterday come flooding back, and I think that maybe he should come see me, if only for us to talk beause I need to tell him there can never be an 'us.' We are two different people, living two different lives, from two completely different worlds. There is no place in our worlds to meet, and I need him to see this. We will both be happier after we acknowledge this.
♠ ♠ ♠
title credit: delirium trigger - coheed and cambriaThere will be no acknowledgemets for comments, or recommendations in myy author's notes until farther notice. My computer has decided it is too old to go on any longer, and my only other means of writing is on my tablet. I apologise for any mistakes in grammer or spelling or whatever. I promise you Iam trying to catch them, but it's a lot easier to do that on a laptop than it is on a tablet. Please bare with me.
I love you all. Thank you so much for sticking with me.