Remember
nothing, from nowhere
"I can't believe the Andy you used to know is famous!" Riktor shouts as we walk toward the stage his favourite band will be performing. I bite my lip as people around give odd looks from Riktor's outburst.
"Can we be a bit quiet about that? I'd rather no-one know…" I trail off, hoping he comprehends my words correctly, but I never seem to have that great of luck.
"Why don't you want people to know?!" He turns to walk backward so as to have a better look at me as he speaks. "Don't you want to physically meet him? I know you miss him, Addison!" My face heats up as I turn my attention to my feet, not wanting to reply to my loud cousin.
For the next few hours as Riktor drags me from stage-to-stage to watch various bands play, and my nerves have completely gone mad. I can just feel that something is going to happen, but I cannot seem to figure out if its a good or bad feeling…
Riktor stands behind me before pushing on my back in order to force me in the direction of the statge Black Veil Brides will be playing on. I don't know if I can do this, I think, standing in the crowd with Riktor next to me and my arms crossed with insecurity and fear over my chest. Riktor rolls his eyes at me, making sure I don't attempt to leave. He's dead set on Andy and I meeting.
I want nothing more than to pull out my phone and start writing a new blog entry to calm myself, but think better of it, knowing that someone, anyone, could snatch my phone from me if I pull it out in a crowd like this. Cheers erupt from the crowd around me, forcing my attention back to the once empty stage that now holds the band I had come here to see. Riktor squeezes my arm to let me know he's there for me before joining in to singing along to the song.
I just watch, I stand there surrounded by fans jumping around, enjoying themselves and begging to be noticed. I stare at the person coated in black, singing into the microphone, analyzing every bit of his person and behaviour. Is he still the same? Has fame changed him? I watching, noticing the grin on his face as he sings, and the contented undertone in his movements. He's exactly where he wants to be. With me here, I'm just going to mess that all up…
The song switches to the next, the crowd getting more intense as the seconds pass. Pushing, shoving, people forcing their way closer to the front, wanting to be as close to the band as possible. Watching all the fans, seeing their expressions all because they're able to watch the band perform…I feel selfish. I feel like all this time I've been fretting over nothing, and missing something that never was, never would have been, and never will be. These kids, they deserve his attention, not me, I think, pushing my way away from Riktor and out of the crowd.
I find a tree, giving off a bit of shade in a deserted part of the grounds. Taking a seat, I bask in the silence, feeling contented with myself for the first time in a while. If only I'd realized this sooner.
"Can we be a bit quiet about that? I'd rather no-one know…" I trail off, hoping he comprehends my words correctly, but I never seem to have that great of luck.
"Why don't you want people to know?!" He turns to walk backward so as to have a better look at me as he speaks. "Don't you want to physically meet him? I know you miss him, Addison!" My face heats up as I turn my attention to my feet, not wanting to reply to my loud cousin.
For the next few hours as Riktor drags me from stage-to-stage to watch various bands play, and my nerves have completely gone mad. I can just feel that something is going to happen, but I cannot seem to figure out if its a good or bad feeling…
Riktor stands behind me before pushing on my back in order to force me in the direction of the statge Black Veil Brides will be playing on. I don't know if I can do this, I think, standing in the crowd with Riktor next to me and my arms crossed with insecurity and fear over my chest. Riktor rolls his eyes at me, making sure I don't attempt to leave. He's dead set on Andy and I meeting.
I want nothing more than to pull out my phone and start writing a new blog entry to calm myself, but think better of it, knowing that someone, anyone, could snatch my phone from me if I pull it out in a crowd like this. Cheers erupt from the crowd around me, forcing my attention back to the once empty stage that now holds the band I had come here to see. Riktor squeezes my arm to let me know he's there for me before joining in to singing along to the song.
I just watch, I stand there surrounded by fans jumping around, enjoying themselves and begging to be noticed. I stare at the person coated in black, singing into the microphone, analyzing every bit of his person and behaviour. Is he still the same? Has fame changed him? I watching, noticing the grin on his face as he sings, and the contented undertone in his movements. He's exactly where he wants to be. With me here, I'm just going to mess that all up…
The song switches to the next, the crowd getting more intense as the seconds pass. Pushing, shoving, people forcing their way closer to the front, wanting to be as close to the band as possible. Watching all the fans, seeing their expressions all because they're able to watch the band perform…I feel selfish. I feel like all this time I've been fretting over nothing, and missing something that never was, never would have been, and never will be. These kids, they deserve his attention, not me, I think, pushing my way away from Riktor and out of the crowd.
I find a tree, giving off a bit of shade in a deserted part of the grounds. Taking a seat, I bask in the silence, feeling contented with myself for the first time in a while. If only I'd realized this sooner.
♠ ♠ ♠
title credit: miseria cantare- the beginning - afithanks to the following for commenting:
SickLullabies (x2)
Lollipops. (♥ hehe youre cute x3)
call me by your name
Durch-Den-Monsun-87
Aurielle
im so sorry it has been a bit since the last update! i was on vacation. i dont know how updates will be now, as im visiting my dad in the uk, but i will try to update as much as possible. i adore this story to bits and am so thankful for my amazing readers.
thanks to everyone who has read, subscribed, and commented thus far. you guys are amazing!