All for You

Rian’s tears filled his eyes as the thought of Kara crossed his mind again. His longing need for his girlfriend so far away in Lutherville killed him. With no idea what to do; I panicked and hugged him – making an exception on my no hugging policy for one of my best friends.

He cried into my shoulder while I thought desperately for something to say; something to do to make him feel better - but nothing came to me. I just hugged tighter; letting him know I cared about him and wanted him to be happy.

A thought popped into my head and I let go to voice it. “There’s a coffee shop right across the street; I can get us a brownie and some coffee.”

He sniffed and smiled with a nod; not willing to yet form coherent words. I smiled back at him; a genuine one before grabbing a key card and making my way downstairs and across the street the café I was talking about; Lulu’s Café.

I pulled my money out of my pocket and continued walking; not thinking about someone else actually being in the line until I literally ran into someone. I almost fell to the floor before quickly composing myself; looking up at who I ran into. “I’m so sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to; I should’ve been paying attention.”

A familiar chuckle was heard as I looked up to realize it was Zack. He spoke as I froze up; scared that I would break down at any moment. “It’s no big deal, especially since it’s you; don’t worry.”

I nodded and looked back down at the floor – avoiding eye contact with him as I made my way to the counter. He grabbed my arm as I ordered our usual drinks and I quickly shrugged out of it; scared how much I wanted to lean into him and have him hug me tightly and never let go.

I shook my head with that thought as I paid the barista and started walking away. The high hopes of him leaving me alone after that disappeared as I heard his footsteps following behind me. I sighed and continued on my way; hoping that I could get into the hotel room before he could stop me; but my hopes
again were shattered.

Just as I was about to make up some lame excuse for me to go he said something to me first. “I saw you crying when you ran off a few days ago. I was just wondering why that was and why you wouldn’t talk to me. You can trust me, Andy, I’m here for you.”

Anger started building inside me; my head almost fuming with pain. Aria and I being in a fight, trying to take care of Rian, and trying to bottle up my feelings for Zack – then getting them slammed back into my face; it was all about to bubble over.

“Of course I was crying, Zack! How could I not, idiot?!” I retorted, regretting my choice of words before I even spoke them. “I’m at an all-time high with stress and then you blew that one on me and I went insane. I never, ever let people in; and when I finally did? It got shoved back in my face! Zack, you led me on and you fucking know it! And here I am now; a fucking mess over nothing! I’ve never been this hurt over a stupid ass guy before; but here I am – being an idiot as per usual! But I’m used to it! I’m used to people not liking my actions and people thinking I’m stupid; and dealing with the pain – so I’m fine and I always will be! Please stop worrying about me and leave me alone!”

Zack’s face looked surprised; his mouth hanging open ever so slightly as I panted lightly from the anger building up. I exhaled a long sigh as I realized what I done; fucked up something else good in my life – just like I usually did. A few tears slipped from my eyes, and I dropped the coffee and brownie to cover my eyes.
Without warning; Zack’s big arms found themselves around my waist and into a hug. I quickly accepted and buried myself into his chest – glad that I could simply be here with him. I whimpered an apology as he just hushed me and pulled my closer. And in the moment? It was all I wanted; all I needed.