This Is How I Disappear

The spaghetti is on the table when I hear three knocks on my door. Tess, she’s here. Dear God, why did I get myself into this? I mean, this was my idea, but if I screw this up, I’m doomed. She’s Gerard’s future sister-in-law, he’ll probably take her side if this gets messy. Please God, if you exist; I’ve never asked you for anything… Well, just one time, and you didn’t make my wish come true, so could you go a little easier on me this time and not kill the person who could be the key to my happiness? Thanks in advance, amen and all that.

As I open the door I get dazzled by her uncommon beauty. Well, maybe not uncommon, but different. Without really realizing it, I measure her up and down, from head to toe. She’s wearing black skinnies with a nice, yet slightly sexy, top. Her hair is backcombed to perfection finished with a black bow headband. She looks so effortlessly stunning, if you know what I mean? And man, her shoes. Black Converses! Could I wish for anything else on my none-date-date?

“You gonna invite me in, or what?” She says, and now I realize I’ve been staring too long.

“Yeah, sure, come on in”

The second she walked through the door I feel like this was a bad idea. I don’t know why, but seeing her fragile, tiny body makes me wonder if she can take it. Can she take it if I break her heart? I know she doesn’t have feelings for me anymore, but what I’m thinking about doing is unfair. Maybe even cruel. She’s so young, so innocent, and I’m about to corrupt all of that. Fuck you, Frank Iero.

“Spaghetti?” she says and point towards the table.

“Yeah, you like spaghetti, right?”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Right”
We sit down at the table, eating in silence. To be honest it’s kind of awkward. I knew the conversation wouldn’t float away by itself, but what am I supposed to say to her? ‘Sorry I didn’t treat you better, but you were a stuck up bitch’ doesn’t really seem like the kind of thing you say to break the ice. God, when did I get so insecure?

“Well… that was interesting” she says when we’re done eating, and judging the look on her face – my spaghetti-attempt failed.

“That bad?”

“I’m sorry Frankie, but you’re a terrible cook. Seriously, who can fail spaghetti?” she smirks.

“Well, I’d give you a beer to get rid of the awful taste, but you’re underage”

“Ha-ha. Very funny”

“I’m serious” I say and walk over to the fridge to grab myself a beer. ”This is delicious, too bad you’re too young to have some” I can see she’s irritated but at the same time amused. “What about some lemonade?”

“Whatever, you asshole” God, who knew that girl could make me laugh?

We relocate ourselves to the living room, actually managing to have a conversation. She tells me about her life for the past five years, and I’m actually listening for a change. As she’s talking a take a closer look at her. She’s really pretty. Like no one I’ve ever dated since Helena. Not that I’m dating Tess, we’re just friends. And if my ‘plan’ goes wrong we’re not even going to be that. But then again, if it does work out…

“… so I broke up with him”

“Sorry, my thoughts got occupied for a second, you were saying?”

“Mikey, my boyfriend in High School! He was so pushy about sex and kept saying he had needs, so I dumped him”

“Oh, uh… Good for you, Tess”

“Yeah, he wasn’t the right one, you know? I’ve already decided who my first one’s gonna be”

“Zac Efron?” I say to tease her.

“No,” she moves closer to me “I thought maybe… you”
Okay, I should be thrilled, but it actually freaks me out. I mean, in my head, sleeping with Tess would solve everything, how is another story. But hearing her say those words… It feels wrong. I don’t know why, but suddenly I get second thoughts about this whole thing, this was a mistake. Why can’t I think things through? Why do I have to do things on impulse? Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

“Wow, Tess, I’m flattered, but-“

“Oh hush” she says with her lips dangerously close to mine.