This Is How I Disappear

“Frankie?”

“What, Damian?”

“Is that girl your girlfriend?”

“What girl?”

“The short one with red hair. I passed her in the hallway. She’s pretty!”

“Oh, nah, just an old friend”

“Is she single? Do you think I have a chance with her?”

“Damian, you’re twelve”

“So?”

I laugh. “Let’s get back to music, shall we?”

God, I love kids. They’re so naive, so innocent, and they know just what to say. During the time I was with Helena, I always imagined how our potential kids would look like. They’d probably get her amazing, green eyes. Their lips would be full, just like hers. They’d get my dark hair, and hopefully my love for music (and they would most likely be short). Either way, they’d be picture perfect.
The kids are leaving, and just as the last one walks out the door, my phone starts to buzz. Gerard?
“Hey!” I’m really excited to hear from him, we haven’t talked in ages.

“Hey, Frank, what’s up?”

“Nothing special, my kids just left”

“Your kids?”

“My students”

“Oh, right. Got worried for a second. But anyway, I was just wondering how fast you could get your ass to Jersey?”

“Pretty fast, why?”

“I want you to be my best man, and the wedding’s getting closer by the minute”

“Wow, Gee. I’d be honored, but I thought Ray was going to be your best man?”

“I couldn’t choose between you two, so you’re both going to be my best man”

God, he’s so indecisive. “Oh, okay. Well as I said; I’d be honored”

“Great! So I see you soon then?”

“Yeah, looking forward to it”

I hear him giggle before he hung up. And I just have to say: wow. I’m the best man. It surprises me that he picked me, or, me and Ray. I mean, I know he cares for me, but I haven’t really been that good of a friend to him lately. I haven’t called him, I haven’t visited him, I haven’t really thought of him at all. I’ve been too focused on my own problems to help him with his. I’m going to be the best best man ever, I promise. But first, I have to buy a suit. The one I have brings back bad memories. It’s the suit I wore to Helena’s funeral.

I lay down on the couch, thinking about Tess, Gerard’s wedding, my life and what’s going to happen in the future. Will I ever love again? Will I end up getting married and have kids? Will I ever be happy? Can my life feel complete without Helena by my side? To be honest, I have no idea what I’m going to do. God, fuck my life. Just fuck it.
I pick up my phone to dial the number to the person I cherish the most – my mom.
“Linda Iero, please”

“Hello?”

“Mom, it’s me”

“Oh, Frankie! Where have you been? I haven’t heard from you in ages!”

“I know, I’m sorry”

“It’s okay honey, is there anything I could do for you? Are you okay?” And with those words I burst in to tears. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”

“It’s nothing” the truth is I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. “I just miss you, that’s all. Are you feeling any better?” I tried to suck it up. This isn’t the time to be weak.

“I think I am. But do you know what would make me feel a whole lot better?”

“No, what?”

“If my beloved son came to visit me more often. I feel like you’ve forgotten about me, Frank”

“I haven’t, I promise to visit you someday soon. I promise” Suddenly I hear someone knocking on my door. “Mom, I’m really sorry, but I have to go. Talk to you later?”

“Sure, honey, sure”

I hang up feeling a little guilty before I run over to answer the door. It’s Tess. Crying.