‹ Prequel: Give 'Em Hell, Kid
This Is How I Disappear
Three
About two years after I left Jersey I decided to visit Gerard. It was three years since Helena died, and I knew he would be in pretty bad shape.
“Gerard?” I knocked on the door but he didn’t answer. After standing there for a while I got a little scared of what he might have done so used the spare key he gave me and locked myself in. I found him on the bathroom floor with a bottle of Vodka in his hand. It was empty. His eyes were dead and it looked like he hadn’t showered in days. And he’d lost weight. A lot of weight. I knew I shouldn’t have left him.
“Oh God, Gerard. You have to stop doing this to yourself!” I exclaimed as I walked over to him, taking the empty bottle out of his tight grip.
“It’s the only thing keeping the pain away” He replied with a drunken voice.
“Both you and I know that’s not true. Alcohol doesn’t help. Self-pity doesn’t help. Come on, Gee, don’t do this to me”
He laughed sarcastically. “To you? You have no fucking idea what’s helping me or not, Frank, she was my sister, and now she’s dead. Her corpse is in the graveyard, rotting as we speak. She’s never coming back. My sugar is gone forever, and now I’m alone”
“Shut up”
I got him up on his feet and forced him to take a shower to sober up a bit, but without luck. As soon as he got out, he went down to the kitchen to get some beer. I figured I shouldn’t say anything; I’d rather have him drinking beer than Vodka.
“What about I make you something to eat?”
“Not hungry”
“Gerard, come on! Don’t be like this”
He didn’t even reply, he just stood by the window drinking one beer after the other just gazing out at nothing. The guy who was once full of life, was now a wreck.
“I think you should start drawing again” I whispered, and he snapped his head around and stared at me with a “you-did-not-just-say-that” look.
“No”
“Why not? It might take your mind off things. You love to draw Gerard, you love art!”
“Not anymore”
“Oh come on, we both know that’s a lie. And Helena would want you to draw, and she would want you to publish that comic you’ve been working on, “Umbrella” something. Make her proud, Gerard. Respect her wishes”
“It’s “The Umbrella Academy” and you don’t know anything about her wishes, you have no fucking clue, so why don’t you just shut up and leave me the hell alone”
“Cut the crap. I may not have known her like you did, but I know she wouldn’t want it to be like this. She would want you to do what you love and go on with your life”
“I miss her, Frank”
“I know, Gerard, but this isn’t the way to get over her death”
His eyes filled up with tears and all of a sudden he couldn’t hold it together anymore and he fell to his knees. He was so broken it was hard to watch him as he cried his eyes out. I felt like I had to do something, something that would get him out of his misery, something that would give him hope. I didn’t want him to end up in a cascade too, that would destroy me.
“Gerard, do you want to move in with me in Chicago?”
“Gerard?” I knocked on the door but he didn’t answer. After standing there for a while I got a little scared of what he might have done so used the spare key he gave me and locked myself in. I found him on the bathroom floor with a bottle of Vodka in his hand. It was empty. His eyes were dead and it looked like he hadn’t showered in days. And he’d lost weight. A lot of weight. I knew I shouldn’t have left him.
“Oh God, Gerard. You have to stop doing this to yourself!” I exclaimed as I walked over to him, taking the empty bottle out of his tight grip.
“It’s the only thing keeping the pain away” He replied with a drunken voice.
“Both you and I know that’s not true. Alcohol doesn’t help. Self-pity doesn’t help. Come on, Gee, don’t do this to me”
He laughed sarcastically. “To you? You have no fucking idea what’s helping me or not, Frank, she was my sister, and now she’s dead. Her corpse is in the graveyard, rotting as we speak. She’s never coming back. My sugar is gone forever, and now I’m alone”
“Shut up”
I got him up on his feet and forced him to take a shower to sober up a bit, but without luck. As soon as he got out, he went down to the kitchen to get some beer. I figured I shouldn’t say anything; I’d rather have him drinking beer than Vodka.
“What about I make you something to eat?”
“Not hungry”
“Gerard, come on! Don’t be like this”
He didn’t even reply, he just stood by the window drinking one beer after the other just gazing out at nothing. The guy who was once full of life, was now a wreck.
“I think you should start drawing again” I whispered, and he snapped his head around and stared at me with a “you-did-not-just-say-that” look.
“No”
“Why not? It might take your mind off things. You love to draw Gerard, you love art!”
“Not anymore”
“Oh come on, we both know that’s a lie. And Helena would want you to draw, and she would want you to publish that comic you’ve been working on, “Umbrella” something. Make her proud, Gerard. Respect her wishes”
“It’s “The Umbrella Academy” and you don’t know anything about her wishes, you have no fucking clue, so why don’t you just shut up and leave me the hell alone”
“Cut the crap. I may not have known her like you did, but I know she wouldn’t want it to be like this. She would want you to do what you love and go on with your life”
“I miss her, Frank”
“I know, Gerard, but this isn’t the way to get over her death”
His eyes filled up with tears and all of a sudden he couldn’t hold it together anymore and he fell to his knees. He was so broken it was hard to watch him as he cried his eyes out. I felt like I had to do something, something that would get him out of his misery, something that would give him hope. I didn’t want him to end up in a cascade too, that would destroy me.
“Gerard, do you want to move in with me in Chicago?”