‹ Prequel: Give 'Em Hell, Kid
This Is How I Disappear
Four
When I first suggested he should move to Chicago with me he was pissed. Said he didn’t want to leave the house because they grew up there, and that Helena’s grave was in Jersey, and he didn’t want to leave her. But in the end I finally managed to convince him, I even said he could take Helena’s stuff with him and I think that helped a bit, and to be honest; I wouldn’t mind having her stuff around.
We packed a few boxes and left Jersey the next day. It wasn’t easy to get him out the door, but he gave in and cried as we left. Poor guy, he’s hurting.
“Welcome to Chicago!” I said with a cheerful voice when we got there, but he didn’t find it funny, he didn’t even smile, but I just let it go.
“Ready to see my apartment? It’s kind of shabby, but it’s better than living on the street”
“I guess”
“Come on, Gerard, lighten up!”
I unlocked the door and went inside. I didn’t realize just how shabby my apartment was until I heard Gerard whisper “oh my God” behind be. The walls definitely needed some paint, and I should buy some new furniture. And the bathroom, well, let’s just not go there.
“I don’t really have a spare bedroom, you want to sleep on the couch or in my bed?”
“Will you be sleeping in your bed?”
“Yes”
“Well… your couch looks like it’s filthy and uncomfortable, and you don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d snuggle up to me as I sleep, so I’ll sleep with you in your bed. Just for now though! I demand you to buy me a bed later”
I laughed. “Okay, I promise I’ll buy you a bed”
We unpacked his stuff (and Helena’s), and when we were done we decided to go to bed. I was exhausted, and so was he. Usually I sleep naked, but I thought that would be sort of weird considering Gerard would be sleeping next to me, so I slept in my boxer shorts.
“Keep your side of the bed” Gerard said as he undressed.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to touch you in any way during the night, chill out” I have to admit it was kind of funny. I mean, he’s an attractive guy, but not really my type, I’m as straight as you can be.
“Gerard?” I whispered when we were finally in bed.
“What?”
“What was Helena like before I met her?”
“Do we really have to talk about this? Her? It’s painful”
“I know, but… I didn’t really get to know her”
“Ugh, fine” He replied. “When we were kids she was so full of life, she was ‘the good one’ and I was ‘the bad one’. She loved to dance, sing and play guitar, and she had lots of friends. She was focused on school and had great grades, and she wanted to be a musician someday. She was the most amazing sister ever. But when our parents died it was like someone flipped a switch inside her. She got rebellious, she dyed her blonde hair black, hated everything and everyone and did everything to piss me off. I didn’t really mind all the piercings, but she knew how I felt about her ‘new’ look. She hid behind the piercings and make up, and no matter how many times I told her she was just as beautiful without them, she didn’t listen. She started to drink, smoke pot and was constantly getting high. I hated to see her like that, so I yelled at her. Told her she disappointed me. I never should’ve said that. A few weeks later she stopped eating, said she was fat and disgusting. But she wasn’t, she was perfect. She started to lock herself in her room and lost all her friends except Juliah. She was sneaking out almost every night and did God-knows-what. I had no idea what to do with her. I guess I was afraid that if I yelled at her she would hate me, and I didn’t want that. So she got away with a lot, even the anorexia, I didn’t want to push her. And then she became suicidal, something that broke my heart. She didn’t tell me she was, but Juliah found a suicide note and told me what it said. Helena’s life was a living hell, and there was nothing I could do about it. She didn’t even get better after being admitted to the hospital. She refused to go to therapy, and putting her on meds was pointless and slightly dangerous; the doctors were afraid she’d take them all at once and commit suicide. I loved that girl, but it wasn’t easy to be her guardian”
I felt sorry for both of them, Gerard for not being able to help her, and Helena for not seeing how amazing she was. I mean, I knew she had problems, but I figured it was a phase and that she would ‘grow’ out of it.
“I’m sorry, Gerard”
“For what?”
“For killing her”
We packed a few boxes and left Jersey the next day. It wasn’t easy to get him out the door, but he gave in and cried as we left. Poor guy, he’s hurting.
“Welcome to Chicago!” I said with a cheerful voice when we got there, but he didn’t find it funny, he didn’t even smile, but I just let it go.
“Ready to see my apartment? It’s kind of shabby, but it’s better than living on the street”
“I guess”
“Come on, Gerard, lighten up!”
I unlocked the door and went inside. I didn’t realize just how shabby my apartment was until I heard Gerard whisper “oh my God” behind be. The walls definitely needed some paint, and I should buy some new furniture. And the bathroom, well, let’s just not go there.
“I don’t really have a spare bedroom, you want to sleep on the couch or in my bed?”
“Will you be sleeping in your bed?”
“Yes”
“Well… your couch looks like it’s filthy and uncomfortable, and you don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d snuggle up to me as I sleep, so I’ll sleep with you in your bed. Just for now though! I demand you to buy me a bed later”
I laughed. “Okay, I promise I’ll buy you a bed”
We unpacked his stuff (and Helena’s), and when we were done we decided to go to bed. I was exhausted, and so was he. Usually I sleep naked, but I thought that would be sort of weird considering Gerard would be sleeping next to me, so I slept in my boxer shorts.
“Keep your side of the bed” Gerard said as he undressed.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to touch you in any way during the night, chill out” I have to admit it was kind of funny. I mean, he’s an attractive guy, but not really my type, I’m as straight as you can be.
“Gerard?” I whispered when we were finally in bed.
“What?”
“What was Helena like before I met her?”
“Do we really have to talk about this? Her? It’s painful”
“I know, but… I didn’t really get to know her”
“Ugh, fine” He replied. “When we were kids she was so full of life, she was ‘the good one’ and I was ‘the bad one’. She loved to dance, sing and play guitar, and she had lots of friends. She was focused on school and had great grades, and she wanted to be a musician someday. She was the most amazing sister ever. But when our parents died it was like someone flipped a switch inside her. She got rebellious, she dyed her blonde hair black, hated everything and everyone and did everything to piss me off. I didn’t really mind all the piercings, but she knew how I felt about her ‘new’ look. She hid behind the piercings and make up, and no matter how many times I told her she was just as beautiful without them, she didn’t listen. She started to drink, smoke pot and was constantly getting high. I hated to see her like that, so I yelled at her. Told her she disappointed me. I never should’ve said that. A few weeks later she stopped eating, said she was fat and disgusting. But she wasn’t, she was perfect. She started to lock herself in her room and lost all her friends except Juliah. She was sneaking out almost every night and did God-knows-what. I had no idea what to do with her. I guess I was afraid that if I yelled at her she would hate me, and I didn’t want that. So she got away with a lot, even the anorexia, I didn’t want to push her. And then she became suicidal, something that broke my heart. She didn’t tell me she was, but Juliah found a suicide note and told me what it said. Helena’s life was a living hell, and there was nothing I could do about it. She didn’t even get better after being admitted to the hospital. She refused to go to therapy, and putting her on meds was pointless and slightly dangerous; the doctors were afraid she’d take them all at once and commit suicide. I loved that girl, but it wasn’t easy to be her guardian”
I felt sorry for both of them, Gerard for not being able to help her, and Helena for not seeing how amazing she was. I mean, I knew she had problems, but I figured it was a phase and that she would ‘grow’ out of it.
“I’m sorry, Gerard”
“For what?”
“For killing her”
♠ ♠ ♠
:D