Someone, Somewhere

Upon arrival to the venue, Cameron walked to the Danny's bunk to tell us we had arrived. I lifted my head off of Danny's chest and he removed his arm from around me. We got out of the bunk. I followed him, by hand, off of the tour bus, and into a back alley. Immediately, I was being drug to our tour bus, and Danny was being drug to his, to unload our equipment. I guess it's because we don't make as much money and can't afford a lot of equipment, but it took Asking Alexandria a good half hour to unload all of their stuff, and just set it back stage. We went ahead and carried our equipment to the stage, behind the closed curtain, and began setting up. Being as I am just a vocalist, all of the equipment I have is my mic, my mic stand, and a couple of speakers/amps. I sat up my stuff, and turned to see all of my band mates struggling to set up with theirs. We've played shows before, but nothing as major as actually touring. This could lead us to new heights. We could get signed. We could accomplish what we had always dreamed of. And, the pressure was killing everybody. I walked over to Andrew and Alex and helped set up amps. I stepped for a second to help Cassandra set up her drum set. And, Sierra was freaking out because she couldn't find the guitar pick Ben had given her, so I found it for her. By the time we had everything set up, it was time for the show. As the curtains opened I could imagine the disappointment on all of these kids' faces, because they expected Asking Alexandria and they were getting something far less. I also imagined every kid in the crowd wearing some form of AA merchandise. But, as the curtains fully opened, the crowd went from small mumbles to yells, and screams, and the crowd was filled with our band's small assortment of merchandise. I imagined this to be just like any other concert we had ever performed, so I began welcoming the crowd.
“Thank you so much for being here! Is everyone excited?” I yelled to the crowd.
The screams and yells were so loud, I wasn't sure our small amount of amps would carry a volume over them.
“We are A Scream In Silence! And, that's the song we're starting with!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

Alex and Andrew began our song, and Sierra and Cassandra followed shortly after. I waited after the strenuous guitar solo to begin my vocals.

I beg you,
For a scream in the silence
I can't take this anymore
I plead you,
For a scream in the silence
I'll walk out of the door
I need a break
To re-awake
And settle this once and for all
I beg you
For a scream in the silence
So we can carry on! “ I sang the chorus like nobody's business and the crowd went wild.

I, until this point, hadn't realized my eyes were closed. I opened them for just a second to see the crowd. I squinted my eyes open barely enough to see the blurry images of the front row. Excitement course through my veins, and all of a sudden I wasn't afraid. I opened my eyes wide, and took in the fabulous crowd. More than 2,000 teens and young adults were packed in this small venue. And every single one of them was screaming for me. The feeling of that thought made me giddy. But what I was truly happy about was the fact that I could see the crowd. I could see my fans. They paid the money to come and see my band play. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let them leave without their money's worth.

We immediately started again with 'Stupid'. The best short ballad Alex ever wrote.

Well, let's forget about all of the pain you have caused me, and I'll help heal yours.
Honestly, you think I'm fucking stupid? I screamed into the microphone.

I'm sure I wasn't able to, but as I screamed the last lines of 'Stupid' I swear I heard Danny gasp from behind the stage. But because of the loud pulsating music around me, I must have been hearing things.

We followed up 'Stupid' with 'Home'. And then we took a five minute break. I walked off stage to get a bottle of water and was bombarded by compliments.
“I heard you at rehearsal, but you sounded much more lively on stage.” Sam commented.
“I think it's because you opened your eyes.” James pointed out.
All of a sudden, reality hit me. I was much more lively when I opened my eyes, because the crowd was giving off great energy and I was reacting to it. I saw Danny trying his best to push through the small crowd. I ran to him and screamed.
“I opened my eyes!” I went in for a hug, but Danny was thinking something else.
Danny lowered his head to kiss me, but then he stopped. As if he were afraid to touch me, he stepped back. He was afraid to touch me. He was afraid any light affection would lead to something more. He was keeping our promises, but I needed that little bit of encouragement to get me through this set. If I had had time to talk to him about it, I would have, but I was called back on stage.

“We're ending this with Tears In Vain.” I said into the mic, almost without any emotion.

The song seemed to drag on, and I lost the track of thought, and even fell back into my old ways, and closed my eyes during the whole song. The crowd wasn't cheering as much, and when the song ended, I immediately walked off stage. Danny was waiting for me at the edge of the curtain. He knew we needed to talk. So, I didn't bother acknowledging him. I walked right passed him, but took his hand and led him to the tour bus. Asking Alexandria would be on in 20 minutes, and we needed a discussion to fill it. I walked onto the AA tour bus, somewhere where Danny would feel comfortable. I walked to his bunk and crawled into it, first. Danny slipped in beside me, and I laid my head on his chest.
“Why didn't you kiss me?” I asked, almost immediately.
It took Danny minutes to answer, and I began to think he never would.
“I'm afraid if I kiss you, I'll start wanting more. These urges; I can't control them.” Danny whispered, ashamed of his male malfunction.
“You have before. You kissed me in front of the monument, and you kissed me in front of the rest of the band.”
“Yes, but the entire time I wanted more from you. I was battling an urge for more. I'm always going to want more.” Danny's voice cracked.
His words were like daggers in my heart, because what he wanted I was too afraid to provide. Was I afraid of sex? Or was I afraid of something else? Was I afraid that Danny would use me for something other than love? Was I doubting Danny's love for me? If I thought he truly loved me, I wouldn't be worrying about these things. I know Danny loves me, so why I am afraid? In the mist of these thought, I had a sudden change of heart.
“You know I have these same urges.” I tried to reason.
“I know. And I think it's unfair that you can control yours so much better than I can.”
I lifted my head up, and sat on my side and towered over him, not touching him at all.
“I can't,” I confessed to him, “Right now, even though I'm not even touching you, I can barely refrain myself from attacking you. This love for you is not only love, it's also lust. I want more, too.” Danny was shocked to hear me say this.
I could read it on his face. He knew what I was telling him.
“But what if it's just lust for one of us?” Danny asked, not admitting it was him, but sort of pinning it on me.
“I know, for a fact, that I am in love with you. And every time I see you, I can feel the same thing from you. It's love for both of us.” I believed the words I was saying, and Danny seemed to, too.
“Then, what are we ever going to do about these urges?” Danny's face remained troubled and confused, but his voice spoke of the lust he was feeling.
“Give into them.” I breathed out, trying my best to control them.
Danny shifted his body, a way of keeping his urges controlled, I guess, but now his thigh was touching mine. He gently placed his hand on my lower back and began lowering me to his side. My eyes made direct contact with his. All of the strength we ever had, all of the controlling power, all of the shields flew away. All concentration broke.
Danny's lips crashed to mine with such force I was thrown on my back and Danny was on top of me, kissing my lips and grasping my lower back. With his grip, he could force my petite body against his, and we moved simultaneously. I wrapped my arms around his neck, which only deepened the kiss. I know we would have gone further. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Danny and I would have had sex right there, but we heard the bus door open and someone yell.
“5 minutes until show!” The voice yelled.
It took every ounce of energy we had to stop. Like an 18 wheeler stopping on a dime. Like a tree keeping itself grounded during a tornado. It took all of our strength to break our grasp on each other. Completely out of breathe, and gasping, our lips broke apart, but our bodies remained pressed against each other. It wasn't until the kiss ended and I calmed down, did I feel the pain in my lower back where Danny's grip on me was so tight. He climbed off of me, and out of the bunk. I got out of the bunk, and I followed him. When we were standing outside of the bus, Danny turned to me.
“Autumn, I want you.” He spoke, simply.
“I know, I want you, too.” I confessed.
“Not like I do. I've wanted you for a long time. I wanted you since the first time I saw you on stage, but that was lust, then. Now, I want you out of love.” Danny's words were straight from a deep, romantic novel.
My heart ached, because I had urges for him, too, but I didn't seem to struggle with mine, like he did his. It hurt me to know I was causing him pain by breathing. At that moment, I knew I'd hurt if I gave in.
“Danny, I just can't. Not this early in our relationship. I need to know we'll be making love instead of hooking up. It's too early for us to decide this.” I pleaded.
Danny's face brightened. Though I was sure my words would have hurt him.
“I feel the same way. And I know that the longer we wait, the more enjoyable it will be. I want our time together to mean something. I don't want to fall back into my old ways, anymore than you do.” Danny smiled, and I melted a little.
“So, agreed. We'll control the urges, and wait.” I bargained.
Danny's answer was a kiss. A light peck on the lips, just enough affection to get him through his concert. Danny was immediately rushed on stage, and I stood off to the stage watching him perform like never before. It wasn't until the song 'Hey, There Mr. Brooks' did I realized I was witnessing my first concert. And how ironic is it that the man I fell in love with as a fan, was now the man I could call my one true love?