Our Epoch

I sat there, staring at my phone and then checked my watch for what seemed the millionth time.

9:05

It had just been five minutes since I last checked it. Time was moving at a glacial pace.

Why couldn't he at least text me goodbye?

I clasped my hands together, setting my chin on them and listened to the wall clock tick merrily away. My eyelids were heavy and I knew that the only reason I actually got up an hour ago was because I knew his plane would be leaving at 10:45 and I had some wild hope that he would stop by to say goodbye to me. But given the time, it didn't look like that was going to happen.

I stood up and walked aimlessly around my apartment, stopping here and there to pick up pointless items. Standing in front of the glass paneled wall, I stared at the street below and wondered what Steve was doing. I whirled around and took in my apartment which suddenly seemed to appear completely desolate. The furniture looked too small and cramped in the open space of the living room and the kitchen was too far away.

I checked my watch again.

9:27

I threw myself down on the couch and sighed, putting my hands to my eyes, trying to accept the fact that Steve was leaving on a plane for Maui at 10:45 to get married to a girl and there was nothing I could do about it.

I checked the time.

9:32

Almost all hope I had had dissipated and then the doorbell rang.

My heart stopped and I just stared at the door, dumbfounded. Then some pounding followed, and a soft, "Rick?"

I jumped up and sprinted to the door, opening it without hesitation. As soon as I saw Steve's face though, I was like a stone-cold wall.

"Can I come in? Please?" he asked.

I turned around and walked to the middle of the room, crossing my arms as he closed the door and walked towards me a bit. He looked up and gave me his half-smile and I tried to return it, but I couldn't. Instead I said, "Doesn't your plane leave soon?"

His smile disappeared and he glared at me, "I thought you would want me to say goodbye."

I looked at the floor, remembering that was one thing I wanted him to say to me. "How's Tori?" I asked icily.

"Ricky come on!" he cried, and darted toward me, embracing me.

Steve and I were never good at expressing our feelings for each other and it was hard for us to even admit them to ourselves. I wouldn't exactly call us gay or even bisexual, I just knew that we were crazy about each other, although we never said it. Now in his arms, I felt the magic that I'd been missing for two years. The simple, but powerful magic of two people who were hopelessly and unfortunately in love.

I squeezed him so tight that I was surprised he didn't stir, but my strength compared to his was minute. He rubbed slow, warm circles on my back and pressed his cheek against mine. It was bliss.

"Steve," I whispered.

He moaned softly, slipping his fingers under my shirt. I sighed and looked at the wall clock.

9:50

"The time."

He pulled back just enough to look at his own watch and then his arms fell away from me and to his sides. He looked at me, his big, brown eyes unrelenting. He drowned me in them, I couldn't escape. And then I just blurted it out.

"Steve. I love you."

He just kept on staring. I said it for the simple purpose of not leaving things unsaid, but there was so much more that I wanted to say to him, so much that time wouldn't allow.

I glanced at the clock again.

9:53

Now that he was here it seemed as though I couldn't have enough time, it was just slipping away so fast. And he was still staring at me.

"Look, Steve. I-"

"I love you." The words rolled off his tongue slowly, like he was testing them out to make sure they were real. Then his eyes became wild and he nearly yelled it. "I love you!"

"I love you, too," I said with a slight smile and he tilted his head and our lips collided. I didn't think, just leaned into the kiss, immersing myself within Steve.

He then pulled away slowly and put his hand on my cheek and seemed to examine my face, so as to not forget any detail about it. We both looked at the clock.

10:01

Our time had run out.

Tears flooded my eyes and he left me in the middle of the floor without a word.