Smiling In Everything

“Sadie!”

I knew that voice anywhere.

“Hold on a moment,” I smile to the table of customers I was waiting on. They give me blank stares before I turn around, catching the eye of Alex across the diner. He grins and runs over, capturing me in his arms and spinning us around.

“Put me down!” I squeal. He did just that, and I feel my feet find the floor. “Dude,” I tell him, already feeling the butterflies start in my stomach, “I work here.”

“I know,” he mocks. “But I need to tell you something.”

I give him a skeptical look. “Okay. Find a booth and I’ll be there in a second. Let me go tell Sherri I’m taking a lunch break.” Alex nods before moving away from me, heading to a table in the back. I smile once he was out of sight before bringing my attention back to the customers. I take their orders before moving to the kitchen.

“Sherri!” I call out, removing my apron as I pass by the bins. “I’m gonna let Greg take over the rest of my shift for lunch, okay?” I stop in her office door, watching her type away on her computer, her long red nails clicking against the plastic.

“Sure, sure,” she says in her Jersey accent. “Don’t take too long.”

I go back into the diner, telling Greg I’ll only be a minute with Alex. I then make my way over to said boy, taking deep breaths as I do so.

“So?” I ask, sliding in across from him. “What’s the big news? Jack said you were all excited about something earlier today.” I cross my hands in front of me, feeling my heart start to beat erratically in my chest. Not a good sign.

He leans in, his eyes connecting with mine. My mouth went dry. “I have news,” he tells me. The weight of his stare was starting to bother me.

I couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face. “What is it?”

I could feel my breathing pick up. Maybe, just maybe this news has to involve me. I know that’s just wishful thinking on my part, but why else would he come all the way down here? My heart pumped even faster behind my rib cage, my palms becoming slick with sweat. God, I hate that he does this to me. And I hate that he doesn’t notice. And I hate that my own boyfriend can’t even do this to me. How does Alex have so much power over me and not even realize it?

“Rein and I are getting married,” he finally spews.

And my world dropped.

My face fell slack after he spoke, my smile fading away into nothing. My breath hitched in my throat, cutting off oxygen to my brain. I couldn’t even think. I couldn’t speak. What do you say to that? Congratulations? No! Especially since I desperately wish my name was the one he included in that sentence. Not Rein’s.

“H-how did this happen?” I manage to choke out.

“I asked her last night,” he grins, completely oblivious to my mental breakdown. “I took her out to the park for a picnic and immediately got down on one knee. She instantly said yes. God, Sadie, it was amazing.”

My head started to pound. I can’t listen to this. I can’t listen to him talk about his new fiancée. It was all too sickening. My stomach gurgled at the thought of it.

“Sadie?” Alex stops his rambling, peering at my face. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Worry flashes over his gaze.

“What? Fine, nothing,” I say a little too quickly, scrambling to my feet. “I just realized I have to get back to work. But…congrats.” The smile on my face felt sterile, fake, and plastic. It stretched my lips too hard and hurt my skin. “See ya later.” I turn around hurriedly and march back into the kitchen without a second glance at Alex.

Once I was secured away from him, I sink to my knees and stuff my face in my hands. My fingers curl into fists over my eyes as tears begin to fall, coating my face even as I hastily try to wipe them away.

Married? He’s getting married?

This can’t be happening.

I’ve never thought he would be this serious. I never worried he would be ripped away from me. Alex wasn’t the marrying type of guy.

I know it’s terrible. Loving my best friend. My boyfriend’s best friend. But it wasn’t like I meant for these feelings to come up. He was just a boy I met after I started dating Jack, but then as I got to know him, I got a gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. And two years later, he had me in the palm of his hand.

I love everything about Alex.

His beautiful crooked smile he only ever seemed to wear around me. His intoxicating eyes that always saw right through me. How he knew exactly what I was thinking even if neither of us were talking. How he can make me do anything at the bat of an eyelash.

I shouldn’t be thinking this. Not when I’m dating Jack and he’s marrying Rein. God. Why do I have to feel this way? Why can’t these feelings evaporate?

The kitchen door opens and I hear shoes squeak against the tile floor. For a moment my heart flutters to think Alex came after me in worry, but I immediately cancel that thought out. He wouldn’t do that.

And instead, I feel familiar arms wrap around me in comfort.

I instinctively lean into his body, my face burying in his chest easily. “What’s wrong?” Jack asks, his lips grazing the top of my head. I smile slightly at the old gesture.

I shake my head as the normal guilty feeling fills me from head to toe; the one that always pops up when I’m crying over Jack’s best friend. That I’m crying over another man.

“It’s just one of those days, I guess,” I lie smoothly, pulling away to smear away the tears. Each lie I fed to Jack always added a brick to the house of fibs I kept in my mind.

Jack smiles. “Time of month?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. Always Jack to cheer me up in situations like this. “Yes, Jack. I’m on my period,” I grin, sniffling to clear up my sinuses.

“No need to clarify,” he scrunches his nose.

I laugh again, and he leans down to kiss me.

I am a terrible person.