Smiling In Everything

My eyes flutter open as I hear Alex grunt. It was too loud for my liking, too noisy while I was trying to sleep. It takes me a few seconds to reorient myself after waking up.

Then I notice Alex's face was pressed against the stretch of skin that connected my neck to my shoulder, his cold nose giving me goosebumps. His arms were wrapped unbelievably tight around my torso, his grip almost knocking the air out of me. His soft snores made his breath hit me lightly, my face flushing from the contact.

I try to do my best to ignore Alex and grab my phone off the side table.

My eyes widen when I see I had four missed calls over twenty text messages. All from Jack. I groan softly, knowing I should probably call and explain. Apparently the text I sent him last night did not completely do that.

I swiftly slip out of Alex's hold on me, accidentally pushing him slightly in the process. But he didn't seem to notice, just rolls over and begins snoring again.

My footsteps were light as I walk out into the hall, closing Alex's door behind me quietly.

It took three rings for Jack to pick up, his voice frantic and scared. "Sadie? Is this you? If this is a serial killer who kidnapped my girlfriend, I swear I will kick your fucking - " My giggle cuts him off and I hear him breathe in relief.

"It's me, Jack, calm down," I say, my fingers tracing a crack in Alex's wall. "I was just calling to check in. I know I disappeared on you last night. Sorry 'bout that."

I could feel him smile, deep in my bones. "It's okay, Sades. I was just worried."

"Yeah, someone got a little too drunk last night," I laugh, but it sounded forced. Technically I was telling the truth here, but it was the twisted truth. "I need to stop drink so much fucking Jack Daniels." I hear some rustling back in Alex's room, the sound of his bed creaking. Is he awake?

His chuckle filled my ear. "Well, at least you were sober enough to text me," he replies, his voice slightly rough. I think he just got up. "Just come home when you feel good enough to do so, all right?"

"I will, don't you doubt it," I mutter, pulling a hand through my hair.

"I love you."

"Love you, too," I respond, a small smile curving my lips. I hang up, a small groan passing my throat. He is so good to me. Why do I doubt that and think he isn't enough? I shake my head before pulling Alex's door open again, stumbling inside.

He was sitting up on his bed, a hand smoothed down his face. I laugh and he looks over me, wincing. "I'm hungover," he says obviously, a pout on his lips.

I laugh again. "Really? I never would have thought."

Alex sticks his tongue out at me as I go into his bathroom, opening the medicine cabinet. I pull out a couple Ibuprofen and fill a glass with water, walking back toward the bed, where he was now sitting, a pillow curled in his arms. His eyes perk at the sight of the pain-relievers, his smile almost contagious.

"Thank the fucking lord," he groans happily, swiftly swallowing the pills. "My head hurts so fucking bad. I can't believe I got so drunk last night." He shakes his head as I take a seat across from him on the mattress.

"Yeah, so drunk, you got in a bar fight," I tell him, tucking some hair behind my ear.

His eyes flick to my fingers that had just done that, but they go back to my face just as quick. "I got in a bar fight?" he asks incredulously. "With who?"

I shrug, crossing my legs under me Indian style. "Some guy. I don't even know why you were fighting. But I think he had just punched you when I showed up to take you home." I shrug a second time. "He was an asshole. I clocked him once before finally dragging you out to the parking lot."

Alex's eyes widen noticeably. "You punched some random guy?"

"What? He was threatening to rape me after 'taking care of you.'"

I could've sworn his eyes darkened in fury at that, but he doesn't let it show on his face. "I never thought I'd see the day that you hit someone. I thought it would be Jack."

I couldn't help the small giggle that came out of my mouth. "Why would I hit Jack? He's a good boyfriend." This time, Alex's jaw squeezes immensely, and I know I didn't imagine that. Why would he set his teeth like that?

"I hit him for being annoying all the time," Alex answers, his voice rougher.

When I look up at him, that's when I notice the deep pockets of purple that sat under each of his eyes. I wince, my teeth digging into my bottom lip. "Did you sleep well last night?" I ask him softly, my eyes refusing to look away from the circles, the color so richly purple that they almost looked black. Almost.

"Not really," he admits, setting his glass of water on his nightstand. "It took me awhile to fall asleep, but I eventually did." He cocks his head to the side. "Why?"

"The circles under your eyes," I murmur, not realizing what I was doing as I reach a hand out toward his face. My right hand cups his face, my thumb swiping over the baby-smooth skin under his eyelid. It felt weird to touch it, almost like he was sick. "They're bad."

His face leans into my touch, the bruise on his cheek pressing against my palm.

"How bad?" he mumbles, his breath hitting my hand lightly. I suppress the shivers begging to run up and down my spine.

"You look like you're dying, not gonna lie," I answer, my thumb still massaging the skin gently. His lids slip closed, his lips parting about a centimeter. I could barely see his tongue darting out to the lick over them.

It was silent for a few moments, just our breathing being heard.

Finally, I clear my throat, pulling my hand back. Alex's eyes open, his mouth turned down in a frown. "You might wanna put some ice on that bruise," I say calmly, but my heart was pounding against my rib cage like an animal ready to attack. "It's gotten pretty nasty and swollen. Don't wanna have a scar when you get married, huh?" I give a chuckle, but I could tell even Alex knew it was half-hearted.

As I look down at my lap, not being able to bare the sight of Alex right now, a chunk of my hair falls in front of my face. My view of Alex was disoriented, until his hand came up and pushed it back behind my ear. The breath in my throat caught.

I didn't notice until now, but we were sitting so close to each other, our knees touched as we sat criss-cross applesauce. I was so startled that my head moves up to look at him.

His eyes were probing my face, his chocolate gaze almost breaking through my facade that I've kept up for years now. It was like my barriers were coming down, a bit of my hidden feelings for him seeping through the blank look in my eyes.

My breathing increased as his face got closer and closer and closer...

His lips seal over mine, making my heart beat race to over a million miles a minute. I could feel myself descend upon a cloud, my body releasing tension I hadn't know had built up.

It was soft, and caring and had an underlining sense of urgency to it. It took my breath away as he finally moves his lips against mine slowly after about 7 seconds, neither of ours hands moving to touch the other person. I wanted to so badly reach up and tangle my fingers in that gorgeous head of hair of his, but I refrain myself from doing so.

Finally, after kissing for about a minute, the most glorious minute of my life, his lips pull away from mine. I wanted nothing more than to dive back in for more, but judging by the look on his face, he didn't want that at all.

Our ragged breathing filled the void of silence around us, his stare blank.

I clear my throat a second time. "I'm sorry," I mutter. "That...I shouldn't have kissed you back. That was completely inappropriate - "

His deep inhale of air cut me off. "It was my fault. I was the one who kissed you."

"Yes, that may be the case, but I shouldn't have responded - "

"But you did," he says, his voice louder than usual. He closes his eyes and shakes his head, running his hands through his hair multiple times, making his hair stand on end. Why did he have to look so darn cute? "You wanted me to kiss you, didn't you?"

I just keep my gaze steady on him as my thoughts try to compose into something I could understand. Finally, I clumsily get to my feet, stubbing my toe on his side table.

"Fuck," I hiss. "I have to go, Alex."

His face droops, his blank stare melting away, and a saddened one replacing it. It broke my heart, but I knew I had to get out before anything else escalated. "Don't go," Alex begs, his voice breaking. "I need to talk to you. It's important. Please just stay for a few more minutes before Rein gets back - "

"Exactly!" I laugh hysterically as I pull on my jeans. "Rein's gonna be here. And what would she say if she saw me in here with you?" I whip his shirt off over my body, barely realizing I was topless in front of Alex.

His eyes sweep over my torso and chest, his jaw slack as they pass over my lacy black bra. "Just, stay...I need to...I have to..."

"This was a mistake, Alexander," I say, grabbing my shirt off the ground and tugging it on.

"What was a mistake?"

I shake my head, grabbing my jacket and keys, sliding my hair out from where it got stuck under the shirt. "Everything," I mutter, moving toward his bedroom door. He followed after me, his footsteps loud. "I'm leaving. Stay here and wait for Rein."

"No! We need to talk about this!" Alex's voice echoed around me as I get out into the hall, making a beeline for the stairs. He was hot on my heels.

"Talk about what?" I ask, playing dumb. "I'm going home."

He groaned as I hit the first level, my shoes halfway on my feet. "Talk about...this!" He exaggerates, thrusting his hands between us. "This fucking...pull I've had toward you since the engagement party! It's been pissing me off and I want to get down to the business of it because I need to know - "

My hand was on the knob of his front door as I look back at him. "You need to know what?" I ask, trying to sound mundane, but clearly failed as my voice cracked.

"I need to know..." Alex swallows. "Do you have feelings for me?"

I tried to get my gaze to seem blank, but I didn't know if I succeeded. So I go with the best option, giving him a hard stare before I throw open his front door and stomp down his driveway toward my car. It was still parked where I had left it, the hood gleaming in the sunlight. The street was empty.

"Sadie!" he calls out, his voice almost desperate. "Just talk to me!"

I could feel tears coating the back of my throat but I gulp them down. I don't give Alex any kind of gesture that I'd heard him and just throw myself into my car, starting the engine hurriedly.

As I pull away from the curb, I see the sight of Alex in the doorway to his house, his chest bare and his boxers on, one of his socks missing and his hair in messy disarray. He looked so lost and so confused that it broke my heart in two.