Smiling In Everything

Sadie—

"Sadie? Are you okay?"

I was snapped out of my reverie, my head wheeling to face Jack. I hadn't noticed he had parked the car, the keys out of the ignition and in his hand. His fingers hesitated at the door handle, not sure if he should get out on solid ground just yet.

I clear my throat. "I'm fine sweetie. Just...still a bit tired. But I'm okay. Let's just get in and see everyone, right?" I try to put on a smile, but it fell short.

"We don't have to stay very long," Jack murmurs, a frown deepening his lips.

I shake my head. "No, no. That's not fair to Alex nor Rein. We are their Maid of Honor and Best Man; we can't just not show up to a pre-wedding party." I would've loved nothing but to start up the car and go back home, but I knew Rein would lay one on me when she noticed I hadn't shown up. I couldn't go against my better judgement.

Jack sighs, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me into his side over the console. He presses a lips to my head before releasing me, but I felt the tingles shoot down my body from the touch of his lips. I flush.

I push a certain lead singer out of my head and get out of the car.

When Jack meets me at the headlights, he laces our fingers together and we walk toward Mo's Bar and Grill. I could hear the music when we were right outside the door, some country song I'd never heard before.

We walk in, immediately spotting the bright blonde hair of Rein's bridesmaid, Jamie. She looks over at us, a grin meeting her lips. She waves ecstatically.

A sour taste filled my mouth. I swallow it down.

Ever since Jamie and Jack first met a couple years ago, she's had a tremendous crush on Jack. She made it oh-so-obvious and was always asking Alex and Rein if he and I were still together. There were many times that I wanted to just scream at her that he was mine and only mine, but then I would remember my inappropriate infatuation with Alex and quiet myself down. But it still got annoying.

Jamie runs over and pulls Jack into a hug immediately, but his was returned with one arm, his free hand attached to mine. I smile at that as Jamie and Jack pull away, her red-lined lips pulled back almost evilly.

"Hello, Sadie," she drawls, her eyes remaining on Jack.

I swallow, pulling my boyfriend into my side, leaning my head against his shoulder. "Hey, Jamie. How's it going? Did Rein show you the dresses she picked out?"

Her smile instantly fell. I knew she was pissed about not getting Maid of Honor, and knowing the dress she wanted hadn't gotten picked was probably just icing on the cake. But it didn't matter; she's been a bitch to me since day one. I don't have an ounce of sympathy for her.

"Yes, she did," Jamie answers curtly. "Not my first choice, but they'll do."

"I know you said you didn't look good in lilac," I tell her, smiling sickly, "but you won't be the main focus at this event. So stop acting like it." My gaze was cold at her as I tug Jack away.

"That was harsh," Jack whispers.

I roll my eyes. "You haven't seen the real her, then. She's even harsher."

We approached the table, everyone turning to give us their greetings. So far there was Cassadee, Rian, Zack, both set of parents, Rein's little brother, and Jack's mom. His dad had business in Lebanon, so our lunches have been just with her.

"Joyce!" I smile, my spirits lifting at just seeing her. She's been the best to me, like a second mother since mine was across the country in Oregon. I give her a hug.

After giving out more hugs and kisses, Jack and I take a seat.

"Where's Rein and Alex?" Jack asks, taking a sip of his water. His arm hung loosely around the back of my seat, a sight I made sure that Jamie noticed when she came back to the table. She just glared at me, roughly pulling her chair out and huffing. I couldn't keep the feeling of triumph from taking over me.

"Alex stomped off earlier," Mrs. Gaskarth answers, setting her martini down. "Rein ran after him. He had been writing in his notebook and Rein told him to put it away. That's when he got up and left."

I bite my bottom lip. Alex is writing in his notebook? He hasn't done that in a long time.

"I thought she would be happy he's writing in his notebook," Zack mutters, shaking his head. "She's been begging him to write her a song for awhile."

We all fall silent after that statement, the tension twinged with awkward. But Rein broke it, her large sigh signalling her return. She humphs and drops into a seat beside Jamie.

"I'm sorry everybody," she sighs. "Alex will be back. He's cooling off."

Her eyes flicker to the back door, but only for a moment. I was the only who caught it. I chew at my lower lip as she thanks everyone for coming. Everyone bursts into conversation about the wedding, enthusiastic about the plans.

I zone out and lean toward Jack's ear. "I'm gonna go powder my nose, okay?"

"You can say pee in front of me, I don't care."

I swat his arm and he just gives me a kiss, allowing me to stand up and walk away. I stop in front of the hallway of the bathrooms, peering back at the table. No one was looking my way. I slide toward the back door unseen and open it noiselessly.

It led to an alley. And leaning against the wall a few feet down was Alex, standing and gazing down at his notebook like his life depended on it.

I take a hesitant step toward him, trying to find words. "A-Alex?"

His head snaps up to look at me, his eyes alight with this inexplicable fire. It took my breath away. He just stared at me for a few moments before running over to me, grabbing me and holding me into him. He lets out a sigh, almost contentedly, his nose buried in my hair. "Oh, Sadie, oh my God," he murmurs silently, "I am so sorry."

I gulp, carefully wrapping my arms around him, returning the hug. "About what, Alex?" I ask quietly, feeling like if I talk any louder he would break into a thousand pieces.

"About everything," he answers, crushing me into his body even more. He was suddenly walking forward, my back hitting the concrete wall. The breath left me as he pulls back to look at me, his expression weary.

"I don't understand."

"I can't believe I never saw it before," he whispers, reaching up a hand and tucking hair behind my ear. "How come I never noticed your feelings? And that I never returned th - "

"Stop," I mutter, putting up a hand and covering his mouth. "You can't say this, Alex. You're confused. You were hungover and you didn't know what was going on and you kissed me. I get it. I would've done the same thing. But you're getting married. Married, Alex. And I have...I have Jack. You don't have feelings for me and I don't...I don't have feelings for you."

I bring my hand down slowly from his mouth, his eyes staring at me like I was some puzzle he had to figure out. Alex takes a deep breath. "You're lying."

"No, I'm not."

"I've been able to tell when you lie since we met, Sadie. Don't fucking mess with me."

I close my eyes. "Alex, I can't. Please, stop...stop instigating this. I've already had to deal with it for so long and I can't take anymore of it - "

"Stop talking," he gasps out, his forehead falling against mine. My heart began pounding faster on instinct. "I just...I need to...to feel. With Rein, it's almost...robotic. I know I love her, I know I do, but with you...it's so raw and emotional and...different. And new."

"You're not making any sense, Alex."

"Shh," he hushes softly, one of his hands that had been resting on my waist moving up to cup my cheek. His thumb brushes gently against my skin. "Just feel, Sadie. Feel."

I felt his breath on my lips, hitting my chin in misty pants. I wanted to drink all of it in, take that one leap and kiss him, but it was wrong. I knew it was wrong. But once our lips touch, it felt so, so right. He sucks in a breath before diving right in, his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth. It was so much more passionate then our kiss from this morning, his hand tangled in my hair and deepening the kiss. My arms curling around his neck, his free arm wrapping around my waist to flatten my body flush against his.

Alex pulls back a few seconds later, his breath shallow and his chest moving up and down rapidly. After a few more moments of catching air, he grins widely. I open my mouth to speak but he kisses me, keeping me from talking. "Don't," he breathes, swallowing. "When your mouth can be put to so much better use."

I couldn't help but laugh. "Alex...we can't."

"Stop saying," he murmurs, pecking my lips, "those," kiss, "words."

I slip my eyes shut, letting it all go. He was right. For now, I just needed to feel. I couldn't worry about anyone else right now. Maybe being selfish every once in awhile would be good for me. So I push the thought of everyone inside the bar away, getting on my tip-toes to kiss him again.