Smiling In Everything

It was eleven o'clock p.m. and many of us still remained.

Rein, Jack, Jamie, and the Gaskarth parents were laughing and telling embarrassing stories about Alex, sitting at the tables surrounded by more champagne. Rian, Zack, Kate, and Cassadee were discussing the wedding and what they thought was in store for the ceremony.

I was coming from the bathroom, debating on where to go, when I spot Alex.

He was at the bar, his notebook open in front of him. He was staring down at it, his eyebrows scrunched. A beer was sat untouched beside him.

I had an internal war inside my head before deciding not give a fuck. I walk over to him, turning the bar stool around and taking a seat. He looks up, his mouth open, but his gaze softens when he sees it's me. I give a little smile, beckoning the bartender over. "Can I get a vodka with salt and lime?" The tender nods, staring to form my drink in front of me.

"How are you doing?" I ask quietly, the urge to touch him pounding inside of me. But I push it to the back of my mind, knowing Rein was a mere fifty feet away, talking about her engagement. But I could tell Alex was sad.

"I'm okay," he murmurs. "Just...overwhelmed."

I nod. "Rein is kind of anal about all this wedding stuff." I glance over at said girl, my heart sinking at her smiling face. "She looks really happy."

"Hey," Alex warns, turning to face me. "Don't start acting guilty on me."

"What do you want me to feel?" I bite back, my jaw clenching. "I can't help but feel guilty that I'm fucking her over." The sour taste in my mouth reminded me of how stupid I was being. But if Alex is acting on his feelings, I'm gonna act on mine.

"Shh," Alex murmurs, his hand reaching out to smooth down my leg. "Look...I know everything is really confusing right now. But...we're gonna work it out, all right?"

"What does that mean?" I ask desperately. "Work what out?"

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. I just noticed he had closed his notebook when I came over. Did he not want me to see something? "I just..." he glances over at everyone, making sure they weren't paying attention, then turns back to me, "I can't stop thinking about you, Sadie." My breath gets lodged in my throat. "Ever since...this morning...I just...I can't think about anything without it leading back to you. This morning was the first time I wasn't worried that Rein wasn't home. In a way, I was actually...relieved. I don't think I should be feeling almost happy that my betrothed isn't home. You know what I mean?"

"Are..." I swallow, leaning forward much like Alex had done, "are you saying that you don't love Rein anymore?" Just the thought of this made my heart pound and my throat go dry. If he actually confessed this...there were so many things that could happen. But also so many things that could go wrong.

"I don't necessarily think that's what I'm saying," he mumbles, sighing in defeat. "A part of me loves her. I mean...she's my fiancee. But...that way I feel about you..."

A smile lights up my lips. "How do you feel about me?"

He grins as well, his hand sliding into mine so our fingers tangled together. Electricity ran up my arm like bolts of lightning. "I love your smile and how you laugh at yourself," he admits, caressing my palm with his thumb. "And whenever you're around, it's like the world is brighter."

My gaze softens. He is so sweet. But... "Alex, I don't think you understand how long I've wanted to hear you say that," I confess, swallowing. "But what about - "

"How long have you wanted me to say that?" he suddenly grins, genuine and big.

I could feel my face turn red, the color of a cherry. "Uhm...I don't want to say." He try to tug my hand out of his, but he tightens his hold. My heart races faster.

"Just tell me. I won't judge." His teeth were as white as a cloud.

I bite my bottom lip, averting my eyes to look at the floor. "Honestly, I've had feelings for you...basically...since we met." The guilt grows, swelling in my chest until I felt like it was going to implode like a bomb.

Alex's eyes widen. "I suspected you've liked me for awhile, but not...not for that long." I blush even redder, sliding my hand out of his. He sighs. "I didn't mean it that way. I just...I feel bad that I never noticed. I always saw you so happy with Jack. I never even thought about something like that happening."

"I guess I'm just that great of an actress," I mutter, breaking shakily.

He shakes his head, hastily leaning up to touch his lips to my forehead. "I'm sorry I said anything. I just...I wish I had returned the feelings sooner so we weren't in this mess."

I don't answer, because I suspected that even if he had known about my feelings before he had a fiancee, he would never had acted on them.



"I am beat," Jack yawns, his arms stretching over his head as we walk in the house.

I nod, throwing my jacket over the back of the couch. "Drinking is never the best idea when you have work the next day." I kick my shoes off by the door, glad to get those fucking heels off of me.

My boyfriend laughs, his arms reaching out to curl around my waist. It felt comfortable and easy in his hold, but nowhere near as thrilling and amazing as it felt to fold into Alex earlier this night. I immediately slapped myself for thinking that; Jack is my boyfriend, not Alex. Alex is not my boyfriend, Jack is.

"Let's go to bed," Jack murmurs, his lips finding the neck on my skin in the dark. Small tingles run down my spine, but I kept comparing them to the shocks Alex gave me.

I nod. "But no fooling around. I have to get up early to open the diner."

My boyfriend turns me around so we we're face to face, his eyebrows scrunched love over his eyes. "Are you okay? You've been acting weird all night." His fingers run up my arm, tracing designs over my skin.

"I'm fine," I press, clearing my throat and moving away. "Just tired."

Jack's jaw clenches, his brows deepening further. "You're always tired. What's going on?"

"Nothing," I answer. "Please, leave it alone." I turn to go upstairs, but he grabs my arm and spins me around. I groan, pulling a hand through my hair with my free hand. "Jack, let me go. I want to go to bed."

"Not until you tell me what's bugging you."

"Later. I'm exhausted."

"Sadie."

"Jack."

He rips his arm off mine, his expression growing frustrated. "I don't even know what's been up with you lately! Everything was fine, and then Rein and Alex announce their engagement and it's like you're running farther and farther away from me! You're out all the time, you leave home at random times and don't come back, and you've spent more time with Alex then you have with me! If there's something you want to get off your chest, then just say it, Sades!"

"What do you think I want to get off my chest?" I shout back, annoyance flaring in my chest. It burned the guilt I had over Alex to a crisp, leaving me angry at Jack.

"Do you not want to be with me anymore?" he asks bitterly.

The air gets sucked out of my body. Is that what he thought? I open and close my mouth a few times, my heart pounding behind my rib cage. I could hear the blood rushing in my ears. Why would he think that?

He took my silence the wrong way. He grinds his teeth together. "I see." He grabs his jacket and throws it back on, flinging the door open. "We'll talk later."

Then he walks out, the door resounding off the walls with an audible bang.