Smiling In Everything

Alex—

Rein is really starting to get on my nerves.

We've been home from the bar for ten fucking minutes and she's already on my back about how I wasn't paying enough attention to everyone and how I wouldn't put my notebook away. "I mean, come on, Alex!" she was yelling. "It was your party! Couldn't you have contributed once?"

"I contributed," I mutter, slapping my notebook on top of the dresser. I pull my shirt over my head, throwing it on the ground. A grin appears when I see it's my Ramones t-shirt.

"Obviously, you didn't contribute enough!" Rein snaps. "What has been up with you?"

I freeze, breathing in deeply. I could tell I was inches away from running off the deep end. And I didn't want to do that in front of my betrothed. "What do you mean by that?" I ask quietly, my voice firm. I could tell Rein was surprised by my tone.

"I mean..." she blows out a breath. "I can't. I can't fight anymore, Alex. Ever since the engagement party, you just seem to be so...distant."

"Distant?" I cry, turning around. "How can I be distant to my fiancee?"

She shrugs, her face twisting into some kind of pained expression. "I don't know! You tell me, Alex! You're the one who's distant. I can't...no matter what I do, I can't get you to help with the wedding. I know I said I wouldn't pressure you as much, but it's hard to plan a wedding for two people when one of them won't cooperate!"

I groan, pulling a hand through my hair roughly. "Maybe it's different for guys and girls! It's harder to handle when you're a guy. You feel all this pressure to be perfect for your soon-to-be. I don't think you understand."

"Oh, I understand!" she growls. "Why did you propose in the first place, then?"

I set my jaw, shaking my head. "Knowing you have to ask that astounds me. If you're second guessing our relationship, why don't you just leave?"

Rein's eyes narrow. "Fine. I will."

My eyes widen a tad as she grabs her jacket from where she'd thrown it on the bed, stomping haughtily out of the room. Moments later, I hear the front door slam, signalling her exit. I stand motionless for a few more seconds, unbelieving. Did she really just walk out because of that petty fight?

I huff and turns around, my hands gripping onto the edge of my dresser. I see my notebook once again, my stomach churning. I knew I had been attached to it all day, but I couldn't get this idea out of my fucking head.

Just as I was about to grab it and continue writing, my doorbell rings.

I groan out loud, stomping out of my room and down the stairs. I prepare myself to argue with Rein again, but when I open the door, it's Jack.

"Oh," I breathe in relief, "it's you."

He laughs, but I could tell it was without humor. He walks inside, shutting the door behind himself. "Who did you think it was?" he removes the hood from his head, shaking his wet hair out. I guess it was raining outside.

I shrug as we head toward the living room, both of us taking seats on the couch. I suddenly felt self-conscious. Oh, the things I've done to Jack tonight.

"Why are you here?" I decide to ask, the silence turning awkward fast.

He clears his throat, leaning farther back in his seat. "Sadie and I got in a fight," he murmurs, picking at a loose string on the cushion. I could feel my lips turn into an O and my brows raise on my forehead. "We started arguing after we got home from the bar. I...I asked her if she didn't want to be with me anymore and she didn't answer. So I walked out."

"She...she didn't answer?" My chest lifted, my watery heart pounding in my ears loudly. Why am I getting so excited? Even if Jack and Sadie did break up, it's not like I could make a move.

My best friend groans, his head falling in his hands. "I don't know if she meant to not answer though."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't give her a very big chance to answer," Jack continues, pulling a hand through his wet hair so it stood on end. "She looked shocked. Maybe she does still want to be together? I don't know. She's been so confusing lately..."

"Confusing?" I ask, cursing myself when I sound like a broken record, only asking questions.

He nods, sitting back. "I feel like she's slipping away. Ever since your engagement, she's been so...off. A part of her is with me, but another part of her just seems to have disappeared. And...when we were fighting, I mentioned that you and her have been together more than her and I have, and she got this look on her face. I can't describe the look, but it's like..."

I was on the edge of my seat, my heart rate rocketing for a second time. I wanted to ask what he else he was going to say, but I'd already pried into his relationship enough. "Maybe she's just...overwhelmed. I mean, her best friend is getting married." A double meaning was hinted in my voice, but I knew she Jack didn't get the hint.

"I know," he breathes. "Do you think it's because she feels it's time her and I got married?"

My throat goes dry. "Oh, no! That's not at all what I'm - "

He shakes his head. "I've been having thoughts about it. I mean, we've been together for over two years. I love her with everything I have. I mean..." He seems to hesitate for a second, but then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a velvet box.

"Are you proposing to me, Jack?" I try to joke, but my heart was thudding in my ears. He wants to propose to Sadie? This is bad, this is very, very bad...

He gives a weak chuckle. "I've been carrying it around for a couple weeks, trying to find the best time to propose." He opens the box, my eyes widening at the diamond ring. Holy shit, it seems like it's almost two times bigger then the one I gave to Rein. "I want it to be special when I get down on one knee. But I think she's having second thoughts."

"She loves you, Jack," I murmur. It pains me to say it. "Maybe she's been so distant because she knows it's getting serious."

He bites his bottom lip. "I hope so."

Jack stuffs the ring back in his jacket, air flooding my body knowing that it was put away and out of sight. I couldn't imagine he and Sadie getting married. The thought of her walking down the aisle with Jack at the end of it...I need to calm down. I could feel my fists clenching and my face turning red.

Why do I feel this way?

Sadie and I have been friends for two years, and suddenly it's like I can't get her out of my head. Before, at the bar, when we had that moment in the alley...the thought of it gave me chills. When she said we couldn't be together...it was like she had torn my heart out and stomped on it.

And as my feelings for her grow, my feelings for Rein seem to dissipate. I may care for my fiancee, but it's almost like...like it's just a friendly caring. I used to love Rein so much, but now...now it's brother and sister.

But with Sadie?

The sight of her makes everything brighter. When she smiles, pride swells inside of me knowing I made her do that. When she cries, I feel like my heart breaks. When we're together and alone, nothing could be more perfect. And when I see her with Jack...I can't even explain. A white hot anger will take over and brings out the ugly in me.

"Can I stay on your couch tonight?" Jack asks me suddenly, snapping me out of my reverie. "I think Sadie and I need to cool off. I'll go back home tomorrow."

I nod mutely, breathing out. "Sure."

"Where's Rein?" Jack inquires, looking around. "I haven't seen her yet."

I stand up, stretching my arms over my head. "You and Sadie aren't the only ones who had an argument. This is the second night in a row that she's stomped off from anger. We're having some rocky problems."

"What about?" he asks, leaning back against the couch cushions.

I shrug. "Dumb wedding stuff." I move toward the stairs, throwing a pillow at Jack as I go. "I'm heading to bed. I didn't sleep very well last night." As I walk up to my bedroom, I curse myself for wanting to add, Because your girlfriend and I had been cuddling and I couldn't stop thinking about my new-found feelings for her.