Smiling In Everything

Sadie—

Jack wasn't fucking answering his phone.

I'd called at least fifty times and he hasn't picked up one single time. It's now eight o'clock in the morning and I was in my kitchen in my robe and my hair in disarray from only receiving two hours of sleep. I wanted to know where Jack was. He was worrying me to death.

"Son of a bitch!" I curse when he didn't answer for the nth time, slamming my phone down on the counter. "God dammit, Jack, pick up the fucking phone!"

I didn't mean to upset him.

When he asked me if I wanted to break up, I was stunned in silence. Why would he think that? I mean, yeah, I have inexplicable feelings for his best friend and I am recently starting to act on them, but I love Jack too much to ever let him go. And to think he would even utter that question makes it seem like he's slipping away.

And I can't afford to lose him.

I was pacing the small tile space behind my counter, my hand running through my tangled hair anxiously. I noticed I needed to shower, but I didn't care.

When I heard my ringtone go off, I literally catapulted at my phone.

"Hello?" I screech into my phone frantically. I didn't even look at the Caller I.D. or bother to keep my voice down when I answered. I probably just deafened the person who was calling me. "Jack? Jack, is this you?!"

"No," the person immediately responded and I felt my breath catch in my throat at who it was. "He left about ten minutes ago. He's on his way home."

"Why did you call, Alex?" I ask quietly, guilt swelling inside my chest at the thought of what happened last night. It was almost like a haze even though I hadn't been drunk. I just felt so bad for cheating on Jack. Not once, but twice now. How could I do that to him when he's always been so honest and faithful? I know my feelings for Alex overpower me sometimes, but I've always been able to control them. Last night, they were out of control.

I hear him blow out a breath. He sounded absolutely exhausted. "I needed to hear your voice," he murmurs. "I feel so uneasy. Jack came over last night and we talked." This caught my surprise.

I mean, I expected Jack to go over to Alex's, but the talk part...

"What did you guys talk about?" I ask, my throat feeling like it was constricted. I couldn't breathe. Did Alex accidentally let our endeavors slip?

"Calm down," he gives out a half-hearted chuckle. "I didn't admit anything. We just...talked, really. He told me about how you guys fought last night." Here, he added a lengthy pause that kept me on edge. What was he thinking? "Is it true you didn't answer when he asked if you wanted to break up?"

My mouth went dry. "Yeah," I whisper, wincing when I thought of what I was gonna say next. "But I didn't answer because I was shocked he had asked. I...I didn't mean it as wanting to break up."

There was a tense silence. "You love him?"

I wanted to crumple, to curl into myself and vomit. But I kept my head up. "Of course I do. I wouldn't be with him otherwise."

All I heard was Alex's breathing, the sound swarming around me, beating against my ears.

"Are you coming to the hometown show we have this weekend?" he asks suddenly, stunning me like someone had hit me in the back of the head with no warning. It came out of nowhere. Like a car crash.

"Uhm, I was planning on it," I mumble, my brows furrowing.

"Good" was all he replied before the dial tone was echoing against my eardrums, banging against my brain like someone knocking on a door harshly.

A few moment later, the front door opens. I stood there motionless before registering Jack was home and jumping out from behind the counter, sprinting to the foyer. He stood there, his hair a mess and his beard looking like a caveman's, even though he had only been gone for one night. I wanted to gather him in my arms, but I didn't know where he stood.

We stared at each other for a few seconds, my breath accelerating. I felt the urge to kiss him, hold him, cry into his shoulder, and many other things to show that I do love him and want to be with him.

Even though Alex is still in the picture.

"Are you okay?" I ask cautiously, my heart pumping like a geyser in my chest. Almost like it would explode any minute.

Jack hesitates, but nods. "I think I am." Another pause. "Do you still love me, Sadie?"

I ease into a smile, my tears welling with tears. He notices. "Of course I do, Jack. Why would you ever think otherwise?" He grins and reaches out to pull me into him, my head fitting against his collarbone.

"Because I was insane and tired last night," he murmurs, pecking the top of my head. Tingles shoot down my spine. "I love you, too."

"Good," I breathe, ignoring the pang of guilt shooting through my chest.

And the guilt wasn't over cheating on Jack this time. It was guilt for being with Jack when I still had feelings for Alex.

Alex—

It's finished.

The song is finished. I actually finished a song for the first time in months. I wanted to cry from happiness, to just let tears of joy run down my face from the pure excitement I had at being able to say I wrote an entire song.

"Fuck yes!" I triumph, jumping up to my feet so I was standing on my bed. I read through the entire thing five times, a lump of enthusiasm gathering in my throat.

I couldn't wait to sing it this weekend at the show. And to know Sadie was going just made it so much sweeter. I had to get her to hear this. She had to know how I was feeling. I know I was just confusing her back and forth, but this would lay out all my feelings for her to see; leaving me exposed and vulnerable.

And when I heard the front door open, my heart dropped.

I scramble off the bed and drop to the floor, shoving my notebook under my dresser. I pull a shirt and some pants on hurriedly, wanting to look at least a little presentable.

"Alex?" It was Rein. "Babe?!" Oh, she sounded excited.

My good mood stayed in place, but I couldn't help but think what it would be like to have Sadie walk through the door and call my name out. To have her meet me in the bedroom so we could make sweet, sweet love all—

"Hey!" she was grinning, sounding out of breath, one hand on the doorknob. "I thought you'd be up here. Were you just leaving?"

I shake my head. "No. I just got dressed for the day."

"Good," she smiles, "because I have news." She reaches into the hall before reappearing with a large black bag hanging off a hanger. The sight of it put a sour spot in the middle of my stomach. I knew what was in that bag. I then realized I wanted Sadie to be holding a bag like that for me; not Rein. "I have my wedding dress!"

I grin, walking over to wrap an arm around her waist and peck the side of her face. It's like our fight from last night never happened. "That's amazing! Have you picked out the bridesmaid dresses?"

She nods, her curls bouncing. She looked so put together. Even after having wanted to throw an axe at my head last night.

"Yes," she answers. "They're at the boutique, waiting to be fitted."

I nod. "I'll go with the guys to get the tuxes soon."

"Good! We need everything to be ready before the two week mark," she replies, walking over to our closet and stuffing the large black bag inside. "I need everything to be perfect. I should probably call Sadie and set up lunch again—"

The thought of my forbidden feelings swell up again. I swallow them down. I remind myself that I only had four more days until I could tell her everything. Four more days until the hometown show. Four more days until Sadie knows how I really feel.

Four days.