Smiling In Everything

Alex—

The wedding is in three weeks.

I can just feel myself withering away. What is happening? I haven't been myself and it's like no one's noticed. Not even my fiancee has said anything. Does she not see how unhappy I am? I am literally millimeters away from tearing my hair out of my head.

And the worst part of it all: I haven't seen Sadie in one month.

The last time I saw her was the night of our hometown show; the night we slept together. And that was a whole fucking month ago. I was always tempted to just leave my bed in the middle of the night and drive to her house. But then I remember she lived with Jack and have to stop myself. I want to see her so bad; I don't even need to talk to her. I just want to look at her smile and watch her laugh or just gaze into her eyes until I feel complete. I can't get her out of my head and every time I think of her I get these pains in my chest. I need her more than I need my own significant other.

I've hung out with Jack multiple times since that night though, what with planning the bachelor party and figuring out the tuxes and stuff. It's great hanging out with my best friend; except I despise the fact that he gets to go home and hold her and kiss her and I don't. I want Sadie so much it hurts; but at least seeing Jack brings me one step closer to seeing her.

And I know she's been around Rein a lot, since my fiancee won't shut up about the bridesmaids and Maid of Honor duties they've been planning.

It kills me to know everyone gets to see Sadie and I don't.

It's not that I'm not allowed to see her or anything. We just haven't conversed since that night. I haven't even gotten to glimpse at her. It's ridiculous and it's driving me insane. I could feel pieces of me peeling off this past month. And I feel like those pieces will latch back on once I see her.

I haven't gotten anything out of Jack. Every time I've asked him about how she was doing, he would just say she's fine. I can't stand that I haven't been able to get any answers out of him. But he seems fine and happy, so obviously nothing too different has happened.

"Alex?" I snap back to reality as I hear my name, glancing over at Rein. We were sitting in Applebee's, waiting for the rest of the wedding party to show up for a luncheon. "Babe, are you okay? You seem out of it."

I try to smile, but it was wry. "Just daydreaming." I sling my arm loosely around the back of her chair.

She just nods, tucking a piece of her hair-sprayed hair behind her ear. I wrinkle my nose. I hate that she uses so much product. "I talked to Sadie yesterday, and we were thinking the bouquets would have tulips in them instead of roses," Rein begins. "Roses are so cliche, you know? Tulips are gorgeous as well, and I love how they look. Do you think that would look okay, babe?"

I look over her, having only heard about three words of that whole spiel. "Of course. Whatever you want." She grins and leans in and gives me a sweet kiss. I return it, but cut it short before anything could happen.

"Rein!"

Said girl glances over as one of her bridesmaids appears. "Jamie!" my fiancee grins, hopping out of her seat to hug her friend. I subtly remove my arm from the chair.

Jamie is what you would call a bimbo. She doesn't necessarily like to sleep around, but she's had more boyfriends then I've written songs. I guess guys like to go for the big-boobed blondes who have half a brain. I remember when Jack first met her, he admitted she was hot. But that's probably because Jamie resembles Holly, who Jack used to date. But Jamie heard Jack call her hot, and has been hung up on him since.

"Hello, Alex," she smiles over at me, barely even acknowledging me, before turning back to Rein. Both of the girls sit down, my fiancee's body angled toward her friend. "Where is everybody?"

Rein shrugs. "On their way. Traffic's pretty bad today."

"How are Sadie and Jack?" Jamie asks nonchalantly, removing her lip gloss from her purse and slathering it on her lips.

I roll my eyes. It's so obvious she's just checking to see if they had broken up or not.

"They are so adorable!" Rein squeals. I could feel a weird pang hit my chest and I wince noticeably. Neither of the girls seem to see it. "They are so in love. When Sadie and I went out the other day to discuss the plans, she looked happier than ever!"

I could feel bile rise in my throat. I swallow it down.

"Really?" Jamie asks, surprised.

"I love it," Rein sighs, leaning back in her chair. I could see Zack and Cindy making their way over. I breathe in relief to see another guy here. Rein jumps up to hug her other bridesmaid while I get to my feet and fist bump my friend.

"You okay, dude?" Zack asks as he takes the seat next to me. Cindy sits beside Jamie and the three girls begin to gush over absolutely nothing important.

"As okay as I can be," I smile grimly and he nods.

To hear that Jack and Sadie's relationship was going so well put a damper on everything. I just wish I could be with her instead of getting married to a girl who seems to have gotten worse in our relationship. Don't get me wrong; I love Rein. But it isn't anything special. Isn't a girl supposed to make me feel good? All Rein manages to do is tire me out. I feel exhausted after going out to dinner with her. That's not how we're supposed to be as an engaged couple, right?

Rian then appeared, wearing his classic grin. Cassadee had flown back to California a couple weeks ago, but she was coming back for the wedding. And then Rein's final bridesmaid, Tanya, comes in minutes after Rian. More jumping and screaming ensued and I didn't understand how girls could do that when they saw each other yesterday.

"Where's the happy couple?" Jamie says, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Rein glances at her phone. "Sadie texted me and said they'd been here soon."

"God, what were they doing?" Tanya voices, shaking her head. "Having sex? What a bunch of rabbits." I flinch at this; I do not want to picture Sadie and Jack conversing in that.

"Speak of the devils," Rian grins, pointing toward the door. I look over, my heart racing as I see Jack come in, Sadie trailing behind him. They were holding hands, his smile wide and her own lips pulled back in a grin. I could just feel my chest collapse like a bomb had set off.

She looked amazing. Her light auburn hair was pulled back in a neat bun at the nape of her neck. She was wearing a white belted sundress that showed off her legs. I wanted to melt at the sight of her. I wanted to run over and hug her and kiss her and hold her and never let her go. I squeeze my eyes shut as the couple comes upon the table, the sound of their laughter joining us. I peer up at Jack, who was grinning as he fist bumps Rian and Zack.

"Hey!" Rein shrieks, getting up and pulling Sadie into a hug. I could see Sadie grimace shortly.

God, I couldn't stop looking at her. I could just feel my insides twisting at the thought of not being able to touch her. Instead, we smile at each other briefly before she sits down across from Rein and I, Jack wrapping an arm around the back of her chair.

"So!" Rein grins, calling our party to attention. "Thanks for coming. As you know," she smiles over at me, reaching out to twine our fingers, "the wedding is in three weeks."

There was some clapping and cheering, which I ignore.

"We just wanted to get everyone out to lunch to thank you guys for helping us on this journey to the rest of our lives," my fiancee continues, her grin wide as she gazed at me. I tried to smile back, but I knew it felt sterile. "We couldn't be more ecstatic to share this amazing day with all of you. You guys have made this so great and we can't wait to stand at that altar and say our vows."

No, I mutter to myself, you're excited Rein. I'm not.

More clapping as Rein leans up and gives me a kiss. I return it half-heartedly, feeling the way Sadie's eyes were on me. I pull away quickly, clearing my throat. Rein doesn't notice my uncomfortable stance and leans into me.

"So," Jamie smiles bitterly over toward Sadie and Jack, "how are you guys doing? I haven't seen you two since the night at the bar."

Both Sadie and I stiffen. That was the day I had first confessed my feelings in the alley.

"We're doing great," Jack smiles easily, his arm tightening noticeably around her shoulder. Why do they look so...happy? "Aren't we?" His head angles down to Sadie, who grins back up at him. They share a small peck before they look back at everyone across the table. Rein was cooing like a pigeon and Jamie was scowling at the surface of the table.

"You certainly seem to be doing great," Rein smiles. "And is that a new necklace, Sadie?" Everyone's eyes shift to her neck. Sadie blushes. "Oh, a gift from Jack I assume?"

The necklace did look relatively new. Sadie admitted how she hated wearing stuff around her neck. It was a simple silver chain, the end of it, where a pendant would hang, was stuffed inside of her shirt, hidden. I cock my head to the side.

"Yes," she murmurs, her face an audible cherry red. "It was a gift."

"Can we see it?" Rein giggles, acting as if their relationship were like Kate Middleton's and Prince William's. Fuck. "I bet it's amazing."

"It's nothing special," Sadie immediately responds, almost frantic. "Just a necklace."

"Come on!" Jamie eggs it on, her smile wicked. "We all want to see." I scrunch my brows. Sadie suddenly look quite uncomfortable, her body leaning farther into Jack. I glance at said boy, who was looking down at Sadie with a quirky look. I couldn't place it, but it was almost secretive; like he knew something everyone else didn't.

"I don't..." Sadie trails off, stopping as Jack bends down and whispers something in her ear. Her gaze shifts to him. I hear her murmur back, "Are you sure?" He nods, smiling lightly. Hot jealousy boils in my stomach like water.

"Fine," Sadie smiles easily. "Everyone, we have an announcement."

My face droops.

She reaches behind her neck and removes the necklace, keeping it hidden in the palm of her hand. She then looks down at her lap, messing with the necklace. She then brings her left hand up, placing it flat on the table. We all lean closer to get a good look at what she was showcasing. I could feel my heart sink to the pits of hell as my eyes widen at the sight of her hand.

"We're engaged!" Jack fills in, the ring on Sadie's finger glinting under the lighting.