Smiling In Everything

I felt like I was going to throw up.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat and I force myself to swallow it down as the bitter flavor floods my tongue. I tear my gaze away from the glistening ring on her left hand, my stomach churning and bubbling. I wanted to scream and cry all at the same time.

"When did this happen?" Rein practically shrieks, her entire upper body leaning over the table to get a good look at the ring. I wanted to chuck it across the room.

Sadie blushes. "The morning after the hometown show."

I felt my entire heart and chest drop to the lowest pits of hell. I couldn't help but let my head snap toward her, my eyes widening. She didn't return the stare, but she knew I was glaring at her. That was the morning after she and I slept together. She got engaged a mere eight hours after her and I had sex? Bile once again rises through my esophagus.

"You've been engaged for a month and you haven't said anything?!" Rein screeches again, right in my ear. I flinch away from her. "I've seen you almost every day since then! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Jack shrugs. "We didn't want to start anything."

"We know that it's your time for a wedding," Sadie admits. "We didn't want to steal your thunder or anything. Everyone should be focused on your guys' marriage."

Rein looks incredulous. "Who cares if my thunder is stolen! I want to know when my best friends are getting married!" She then jumps up at this and rounds the table, pulling Sadie and Jack into a hug. I look away, scowling down at the maroon colored booth I was sitting on. I see Zack glance at me, his brow rising, before he looks back toward the happy couple. Ugh, just saying those two words makes my stomach do flips. Happy couple. My mouth felt sour, like I had chugged lemon juice.

"Well thanks, Rein," Jack was saying, a smile on his face, at whatever said girl had said. "We aren't gonna start planning until a few months after your guys' wedding. We want to wait. Have some time to enjoy being an engaged couple." He smiles down at Sadie.

Sadie smiles back and he leans down to give her a kiss.

At that moment I jump out of my seat, stumbling to stand. "I have to go to the bathroom," I say hurriedly, half of my words incoherent. "I'll—I'll be right back."

Rein scrunches her brows. "Alex—"

I shake my head. "My bladder is full!" I was now babbling, but I needed to leave. I couldn't stand to sit here and watch the girl I'm in love with be happy and together with my best friend. I could just feel myself getting sick.

I force my way into the back hallway where the restrooms were, leaning back against the wall. I close my eyes and take deep breaths.

This isn't happening.

I knew Sadie said she would never actually leave Jack because she was afraid to hurt him, but I didn't think she would ever go as far as marrying him to please him. She said she didn't love him anymore! Why is she doing this? Is she trying to prove something? I shake my head, my skull bumping against the wall behind me. I didn't think I would ever see the day for Sadie and Jack to be married.

Married.

That word haunts my life now. I'm to be married to Rein. I'm to be married in three weeks. I'm to be married for the rest of my life. And now, Sadie is to be married to Jack. The girl I love is to be married to my best friend.

I could feel my lower abdomen bubble at that thought. I never thought Sadie would say yes to his proposal. I didn't even think Jack would go through with the proposal!

Then, I hear the click of heels.

I immediately push away from the wall, pulling a hand through my hair. I waited for Rein to turn the corner, most likely to come scold me for running off, but am surprised, but not all that surprised, when Sadie appears from behind the wall. She looked so beautiful today; all I wanted to do was wrap her up in my arms like a cocoon.

But I can no longer do that with thinking about her fiance.

"Hey, Alex," she smiles gently, her hand on the wall, as if afraid to turn the corner. She looked so hesitant and almost—scared?

I exhale. "Sadie."

She glances over her shoulder, as confirming no one was looking over at her, before coming around the corner and stopping beside me. She leans against the wall across from me, looking me dead in the face. We stood in silence for a few moments, just analyzing each other. I wanted to hug her, hold her, kiss her—just do something to assure myself she was standing in front of me. No contact with her for a month about killed me.

I need to make up for that lost time.

"Am I allowed to hug you?" I ask quietly, cocking my head to the side. Her small eyes were dancing as she smiles lightly, twinkling.

"Of course, dipshit," she smiles wider.

I attempt to smile back and step forward to embrace her in my arms. She fit so perfectly against my chest, her head tucking against my collarbone comfortably. I inhale her scent, her hair tickling my nose. I could smell her brown sugar perfume and her vanilla shampoo. It smelled so—so Sadie and it was amazing.

Eventually, I pull back, the smell of her lingering on my clothes. We step back against our designated walls, looking at each other again. I cross my arms over my chest and peer at her, my head tilting again.

"So," I say shortly.

"So," she repeats.

I take a nice long inhale. "You're getting married."

Sadie winces noticeably, her top teeth digging down into her bottom lip. I hate that I made her look upset, but I keep my cool.

"I am," she says quietly, her gaze averting down to her feet. I wait for her to say more. "Look, the night you and I slept together and I had to take a drunk Jack upstairs, during his drunken rambling, he admitted that he was planning to propose. He didn't remember it the next morning, and I made the mistake of telling him about it. Then, he just dropped to his knee and proposed."

"And you didn't even think of saying no?" I ask, my anger shining through instantly.

She takes a deep breath. "He's my boyfriend, Alex—"

"And I'm in love with you," I hiss. Her eyes widen, her jaw going slack as she loses her words. "Did you never think of how this would make me feel?" I feel my fists clench at my sides as her arms drop from their crossed position.

"No, I didn't," she replies back, a bit firmly. "You're getting married as well, Alex. And I don't see you rushing to break it off with Rein."

"That's diff—"

"No it's not," she bites back harshly. "For the past month and a half you've been claiming that you love me, want to be with me, yet I don't see you dropping everything to go through with that. After everything, you're still engaged to her. How is that supposed to make me feel?"

"Did that night that were slept together not mean anything to you?" I reply bitingly, glaring at her. "It's a lot more complicated when it comes to Rein and I."

"No it isn't," Sadie says bitterly. "You said you didn't love her."

"And I don't!"

"Then why haven't you broken off the engagement, huh?" she asks.

I take a deep breath, pulling a hand through my hair. "Do you think I would look like a hero if I dumped my fiancee? I didn't plan on falling for another girl, let alone a girl I've known for two years, after I proposed. I thought Rein was who I was gonna be with forever, but all of that changed. I'm still trying to figure everything out without you on my back about breaking off the engagement."

"So you want to break off the engagement?"

I scoff. "If you're just figuring this out now—"

Sadie shakes her head. "You can't break it off. You have to marry her." She looks down at her feet, her nose sniffling. "We had our chance and now we have to go our separate ways. It's time we move on with who we're with."

Before I could retaliate, my heart pounding at her dismissal of us, we hear someone come around the corner.

"Oh!" Jamie exclaims. "I didn't realize there was a meeting going on."

Sadie wipes under her eyes, my heart breaking when I notice she had tear-filled orbs. "No, we ran into each other after we got out of the bathrooms." She glances over at Jamie. "Catching up. We haven't seen each other since the hometown show."

Jamie had a weird look on her face, her left brow raised. "I see. Well, everyone is wondering where you guys are. And, if you'll excuse me, I need to touch up."

She pushes past Sadie quite rudely, before disappearing in the girl's restroom.

We stare at each other again, her hands rubbing at her eyes. It pained me to know I had caused those tears, and I wanted to comfort her, but I refrain myself. She basically told me that she was ready to stop everything between us, and no matter how hard it was for me to comply to that, I had to honor her wishes.

"I'll see you around," I tell her, pushing away from my wall and making my way back to the table. I could feel her staring at my back but I keep myself from turning around to look back her, my heart splitting in two in my chest.