Smiling In Everything

Jack—

When I opened my eyes, everything was bright. Brighter than the sun, hitting me in the face and forcing a deep ache to bloom over my head. I felt a groan fall from my lips as my lids squint and one of my hands come up to block the light coming from the window.

My face felt distorted as I sit up, my whole body wincing at the excruciating pain at the base of my skull. Oh God. I got shit-faced drunk last night, didn't I?

I remember before I left the house last night, I'd promised Sadie I wouldn't. She admitted to me she hated when I got black out drunk after I had confessed my planned proposal to her under the influence. I had given myself an oath to make sure I didn't over-consume alcohol, and the first time I go to a bar after Sadie and I get engaged, what happens? I drink the entire fucking bar. I groan again, rubbing at my eyes.

I look over at Sadie, ready to apologize.

My entire body stops dead when I look down at the side of the bed where Sadie would usually be, looking so peaceful and serene as she breathes in and out. Her auburn hair would be flitting out against the pillow like a halo around her, making her look like an angel sent from heaven. I loved waking up to that sight.

And this was definitely not the sight I was waking up to.

I guess I was too hungover to actually notice that I wasn't even in my house. I was in some other bedroom that had dark purple walls and...a water bed? I bounce on it, concluding that I was in fact on a bed full of water.

And the person sleeping beside me was not my betrothed.

It was Jamie.

I felt like someone had punched me in the face, stabbed me in the stomach, and ripped out my esophagus all at the same time. I was staring down at her, my eyes wider than wide.

She's naked.

I squeeze my eyes shut, breathing in deeply. I just now noticed that I was undressed as well. I open my orbs again, glancing around the room. My hangover is now at the back of my head, forgotten like last years laundry. I glance back over at the girl beside me, taking in her soft breathing and her dark hair spilled out over her.

I slept with her.

I slept with the girl Sadie has voiced that she dislikes many times.

I slept with a girl when I am fucking engaged to get married.

The covers are immediately thrown off of me as I stumble off the uncomfortable water bed to find my littered clothes. I slip on my boxers easily, cursing myself the whole way as I find my pants on the other side of the bed.

I can't believe I did this. I am such a fucking dickhead, I tell myself as I find my shirt and pull it on. I having an amazing girlfriend and outstanding fiancee, and I just slept with a known slut who sleeps her way into everything. Okay, that might be exaggerating, but it's no secret that Jamie knows her way around a dick. I could just feel the guilt weighing down on me as I finished dressing, the idea of crying sounding so comforting right now.

Moments after my shoes are tugged on I run out of the house, using my cell to call a cab. I couldn't understand how in my intoxicated state I found it all fucking right to cheat on the woman I love. Sadie is my everything and I basically threw all of that out the window when I chose to just hop into Jamie's bed last night.

I only had to wait a few minutes outside of Jamie's death-pad before my taxi showed up. I jumped in it without hesitation, practically screaming at the driver to get me away from there.

The whole ride to my house I couldn't stop my thoughts from straying. How did this happen? When did I even see Jamie last night? Did the boys know I went off with her? What if Sadie finds out? How will this affect our engagement? Can I handle the pressure of remembering this? Will I tell Sadie?

This last question through me for a spin.

I can't. I can't tell her. Not after everything, not after how amazing our relationship has been going so far.

My mind was uneasy for the next ten minutes before the yellow car stops at the curb in front of Sadie and I's house. I check my phone, seeing it was eight o'clock in the morning. It was still dark inside, I could tell from the front window that looked into the living room. She was asleep on the couch, looking so peaceful and carefree I wanted to cry.

Did she wait up for me? She must have, judging by the fact that she's on the couch.

I take a deep breath before pulling a couple of crumpled bills out of my pocket and handing them off to the cab driver. He thanks me before I bustle out of the cab, staring up at my familiar home.

I can't go in there. Just gazing at her through the window has the truth bubbling up my throat, reading to come out at any time. But I swallow that down and make my way toward the front door, up one-two-three steps and onto the Welcome! mat. I once again inhale before entering.

It was all quiet, the only sounds being the AC and the ticking of the clock. The back of the couch was to me, shielding me from seeing the slumbering Sadie.

But as I shut the door, it shuts too loud, and she jumps awake.

"Shit!" she moans, the noise I always prided myself on. She only made that noise when she was in bed. With me. "Jack, is that you?" She rubs at her eyes, looking down at the couch behind her. Her eyes widen, as if in panic, before she breathes in relief. I ignore this, nipping at my bottom lip as her eyes connect with mine.

"Yeah," I murmur. She looks puzzled. "Sorry I didn't call. I..." Here's the time to tell her. It's the best time to do it. But... "I passed out in Rian's car so I crashed at his place."

I need to remind Rian to tell that story to everyone.

"Oh," she murmurs back, stifling a yawn as she clambers to her feet. She's so cute in the morning. "Well, welcome home. I'm guessing you got more drunk that you told me you would." Sadie gives me a playful glare, but grins all the same, making her way over to me.

I cock my head to the side.

She seems...different. Her shoulders were slumped and her body was easily comfortable. She's more relaxed, more...content? If you could call it that. Usually she's so tense and ready to pounce but now it's like something changed overnight. Like someone flipped a switch and she was just Sadie. Not Stressed Sadie.

"I guess," I chuckle, my heart pounding as I notice the hickey on my right forearm. I shove my jacket sleeves down, scowling on the inside. "What did you do last night?"

"Movie marathon," she shrugs, reaching up to wrap her arms around my waist.

I grin. "You better have watched Home Alone."

She shakes her head, pecking at my lips. I felt dirty remembering the last person to kiss me wasn't Sadie; it had been Jamie. I whisk that thought away and force my arms to curl around my fiancee's waist. "I never get around to it. I fell asleep pretty early. I guess I was more tired than I thought." I couldn't help but ponder again, noticing how at ease she was. She seemed so much more comfortable in her skin.

"Well, I am glad your good amount of sleep helped you," I mumble, making myself bend down to give her another tentative kiss. She doesn't seem to notice my hesitation, just moves her lips against mine easily.

"It did," she sighs. "And the engagement."

At the mention of the proposal, I grin wide. "I still can't believe you said yes to a mess of crap like me." I wince at how accurate that last sentence was.

"Eh, I like you. That's all that matters."

My smile couldn't have been any bigger, even though the weight of the guilt on me was crushing my lungs like an iron grip. "I like you, too," I whisper back, leaning my forehead against hers. She brushes her lips across my lower lip before pulling away.

"I need to shower," she says. "I bought another bag of coffee yesterday. Use it to rid of the hangover."

"You are so good to me."

She just grins and flounces up the stairs, my eyes on her ample ass since she wasn't wearing any bottoms. Once she was out sight, I sag my entire body, groaning. I should win a fucking Oscar for that fake-ass performance. The entire time Sadie was against me, I was thinking of the filthy deed I got myself into last night. More like the filthy person I got myself into. I shudder at the memory before forcing it out of my head.

I'll tell Sadie at another time. Maybe after Alex and Rein's wedding.

I nod.

I have to keep this to myself. I want Sadie to be relaxed and focused for this wedding before we start going into ours. When all this blows over, I'll tell her about last night. I don't care about Jamie. She'll understand.

With this in mind, I go into the kitchen, wondering where Alex had disappeared to before I had gotten my first beer. Huh. Maybe he had to take a massive shit.