Smiling In Everything

Sadie—

"Jack," I whine, throwing head back against the car seat, "do we have to go?"

My fiance rolls his eyes. "Yes, we have to go. You're the maid of honor, I'm the best man, and it would be a bit unorthodox if we didn't show up. Don't you think?" We turn the corner onto Alex's and Rein's street, their house looming ahead of us.

"I just..." I blow out a breath, my stomach feeling as if snakes were settling in my lower abdomen, "I feel so unbelievably stressed about everything and—"

"Don't," Jack smiles. "Everything will be said and done in one week, alright?"

I try to smile back, but fail miserably. "Alright."

Honestly, I didn't want everything to be said and done in a week. The thought of Alex actually being married off to Rein sent a dagger straight into my heart. I know we agreed that everything had to end after that night together, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. They way he held me, kissed me, just let me lean into him...it was pure magic. Us together...it's just right.

"Ready?" Jack's spoken word thrusts me out of my reverie.

I clear my throat, feeling as if my saliva were acid. "Of course." He nods and we get out of the car, linking hands as we meet on the sidewalk.

We walk up to Alex's door in silence, ringing the bell once up there. I could tell something was on Jack's mind, just like something had been for the past week, but I don't voice my concerns. I wouldn't be lying if I told you Jack hadn't been worrying me lately. Ever since the morning he came home from the bar, he's been a bit...off. I don't know what it is, but he isn't the same. He seems to be overly cautious and preoccupied.

"Are you okay?" I ask quietly as we wait, reaching up with my free hand to push the hair out of his eyes. He smiles and leans down to give me a quick peck, answering my question. Just then, the door opens, revealing Alex.

"Oh," Jack murmurs against my lips before pulling back. "Hey, Lex."

Said boy looked as if he'd swallowed something sour. "Hey, Jack." He then looks over at me, a small smile gracing his lips. "Sadie."

I try to grin back. "Alex."

He steps aside to let us in, a shudder going through me as I pass by him. There was a good two feet between us, but I could still feel him. He leads us into the living room where everyone else was already—Rein, Jamie, Zack, Cindy, Rian, and Cassadee. Tanya, the other bridesmaid, was absent, but I wasn't complaining. After Jamie she was other bridesmaid I despised. But I was excited to see Cassadee, immediately running over to pull her into a hug.

"I can't wait for your guys' wedding!" she immediately gushes, squeezing my shoulders. I try to plaster a grin on my face. "It's going to be amazing."

"Well, your's better be the next one to attend."

"Ha," she laughs, pulling me over to the couch so we could sit down. "Rian and I are nowhere near that commitment. But I'll make sure when we get married that you're my number one bridesmaid!" I laugh as she plops down beside Rian, his arm wrapping around her shoulders.

"We're all here!" Rein grins, standing up just as Alex sits down. He rolls his eyes and stays put. "I called you all here for one last gathering before the rehearsal dinner."

"Whoo! Rehearsal dinner!" Jack yells, pumping a fist in the air.

Rein giggles as he settles back beside me, his arm finding it's way around my waist. The cold stare Jamie sent us did not go unnoticed. "Yes, Jack, the rehearsal dinner," she smiles, flipping her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder. "I can't believe we're this close to the final product. It seems like we were announcing the date just mere days ago."

She takes a look over at Alex, who seemed disinterested. She didn't seem to care, or notice, as she reaches down and takes his hand. "And we want to thank each and every one of you for helping us along this amazing journey."

"You deserve it," Jamie smiles, patting her friends arm from her seat on a chair.

"Thanks," Rein sniffles, a pool of tears forming in her eyes. "Jamie, you've been a wonder. And Sadie," she looks over at me, making me shrink into Jack, "you've been amazing. From the get-go you let me know that this day was supposed to be special and it was like someone opened a window to let light in. You made me see that not everything is perfect and that this wedding doesn't need to be huge. You made me believe that less is more."

God, did she just get this out of a movie script? It was so well rehearsed. I wouldn't be surprised if she had practiced this in the mirror before we all got here.

"I love every single one of you and this wedding wouldn't be the way it is without all of your help," she gives us a watery grin, using one manicured nail to wipe at her caked cheek. I just realized how flawed she was, covering it up with make-up and product.

And I realized just how unbelievably wrong she is for Alex.

How could he pick her, of all people, to marry?

"I..." I get to my feet, my throat going dry, "I need to use the restroom. Excuse me." I mutter something else before pushing out of the living room and down the hall.

It was still hard. To know Alex would be sent off with her in seven days just made me feel like the world was about to drop out of the universe. I couldn't describe the awful feeling it gave me to know that nothing good would come out of this. There was no stopping it. This wedding is going to go on without any word from me and it made me regret not speaking sooner.

If only I had told Alex sooner about my feelings, maybe even when I first met him, none of this would be happening. But this is my punishment. A big 'what if' tattooed on my forehead for the rest of my life.

I lean back against the hallway wall beside the bathroom, breathing out.

What would have happened if I'd told Alex sooner? He said he never really started feeling for me until the night of his engagement party. And that was a whole hell of a lot later than when I started my infatuation with him.

Nothing would've changed. Except my relationship with Alex.

I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching my fist and banging it into the plaster behind me. It sucks knowing everything would be different if I had just said one simple, fucking thing.

"Sadie, stop."

My eyes pop open, the oxygen to my brain cutting off as I register the sight of Alex before me. I un-clench my fist when I realize my nails had drawn blood, hence the reason he told me to stop. I gulp and look down at the four half-moon wounds at the base of my palm, biting my bottom lip at the little red trickles that fell from the shapes.

"What is wrong?" he asks, his eyes wide as he looks at me.

Everything. "Nothing," I clear my throat, standing up straight. I hide my bleeding palm by shoving it in my pocket, even though he'd already seen it. "I'm fine."

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard someone tell."

"Alex," I breathe, looking away, "don't start with me."

He lets out a slow exhale, shaking his head. "I can tell something's wrong. And whenever you're upset it's always because of me. So if you're sad or mad about something involving me, please tell me or else I'm just gonna be running circles trying to figure it out—"

"I miss you," I gasp out, feeling as if my chest had caved in. "A lot."

His face softens, the corners of his lips drooping down in a small frown. "I miss you too," he murmurs, looking down. "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

I sniff, shrugging my shoulders sadly. "Me too."

We look up at the same time so our gazes lock. It was so nice to just see him, in the flesh, after no contact for what felt like so long. I felt as if we hadn't spoken or kissed or touched in years when really, it had only been a month or so. And for him to be here in front of me, it was magic. He was magic.

"Kiss me?" I ask breathlessly.

"Always."

He launches forward, pressing me up against the wall with his lips hot against mine. I melted into him immediately, my body molding against his like we had been sculpted together.

I moan quietly into his mouth, remembering that our significant others were right around the corner. Our arms wrap around each other in an embrace meant for an erotic novel. It just felt so right, being with him this way, that it made my heart pound as if it were about to explode out from behind my rib cage. The minty smell of him and his stubble rubbing against my face was so familiar and it was everything I just couldn't let go. At least not yet.

Finally, he pulls back. I whimpered at the loss, my eyes slipping closed as he laid kisses over my cheekbones and jaw and neck and forehead and eyelids until I felt like his lips were imprinted in my face. It was torturous but everything I needed and more.

"I want this," I whisper against his neck after burying my face above his collarbone.

"We can't."

"I know."

We pull back against and he gives me one single kiss before unwrapping himself from around me. The emptiness I felt was horrendous, but I put up a strong face.

One last look was shared between us before I give him a nod and walk back down the hallway, squaring my shoulders as if I were heading straight into the front line of a war. Which I felt like I was as I ran right into the short figure of Jamie.

"Oh," she says as I regain my footing.

She was right there, at the turn into the hallway, looking as if she had been standing there for ages. My skin went white. "What are you doing?"

"Going to freshen up," she says casually. "What took you so long?"

I still felt as if there were more to this story but don't voice it, shaking it off as paranoia of getting caught. "Bad burrito. Nothing serious." I then turn on my heel and make my way back to the living room, feeling her stare on the back of my head the whole time.