Smiling In Everything

"Do you, Alexander Gaskarth, take Rein Hart to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

I swallow the sour lump in my throat, feeling the thick mess of tears that were starting behind my ears. I remember to breathe, letting oxygen flood my lungs. If I was getting this fucked up at the rehearsal dinner then how was I going to be able to handle the actual wedding?

I could see Alex hesitate over Rein's shoulder, his eyes flicking to me. I look down at my mock bouquet, made of plastic forks and spoons, biting at my bottom lip.

"I do," Alex murmurs as his eyes shift away from me again.

I felt a collective gasp and noises of affection go through the small crowd—Alex's mom and Rein's parents—as he said those two words. I felt my stomach churn again, my lids closing slowly as I try to focus on Jack, who was standing behind Alex. But even my own fiance was avoiding my eyes, his own orbs concentrated solely on the couple before him. It made my lower abdomen even more upset.

What has been up with him?

"And do you, Rein Hart, take Alexander Gaskarth to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

This rehearsal seemed quite real for a fucking rehearsal. We don't have to go through every detail of the wedding, but Rein seemed quite adamant that they do a mock ceremony. Luckily, we didn't have a real priest doing this, so it's not like they were to be married tonight. We had Alex's dad up here doing the mock ceremony, but it still made me sick to my stomach.

"I do," Rein grins giddily, her feet bouncing lightly in front of me. I was gonna puke.

"Rings?" Alex's dad mutters out, glancing at Jack and I.

I take a sharp intake of breath. "Oh," I mumble, "right." I reach into my pocket for the fake ring we had, a small silver hoop that I'm pretty sure Rein got at a pawn shop, and hand it over to Rein. She gives me a blinding smile and takes the ring from my hand.

I gulp as I see Alex holding his own fake ring, his eyes averted from my gaze with what I felt like a purpose stance. He was purposely avoiding my gaze.

Just like Jack.

All was quiet as the "happy" couple slip the rings onto their fingers, a lump once again sliding down my throat and settling above my collarbone. I couldn't believe this would be the real deal in just a matter of days. It's like my brain were about to go on overdrive and would implode any minute. I almost wish that would happen so I wouldn't have to put myself through the misery of watching this awful sight.

It was my own fault that this sight would be so awful. I, against my better judgement and completely right self-conscious, kissed Alex even after we agreed to stay away from each other. But the thought of his body against mine and his lips molded to my lips just haunted me and I needed it again.

It was so wrong of us to go back to it, but it was something we both needed.

My eyes open. Well, I look over at Alex, at least it was what I needed. Did he need it? He seems to be fine, occasionally, the kiss not affecting him at all. Wasn't he even a little guilty? I was so full of guilt that it was pouring out of my ears.

"It is my exquisite pleasure to now," Alex's dad grins, his mustache moving up with his lips, "pronounce you man and wife."

Light claps from the audience.

I am going to be sick.

"You may now kiss the bride." Just as Alex bends down to capture Rein's lip in his, I stumble off the step I was on behind Rein, throwing my fork and spoon arrangement at Jamie. Everyone glances over at me.

"I really need to stop eating at Chipotle," I blurt out, my face flushing, before I run out of the room, almost tripping on my feet as I shove out of the ceremony room.

I find a hall to my left, taking a chance and praying to every God in the book that a bathroom, or even a broom closet, was down there. Obviously, my prayers were not heard, as all I found was an empty room that was filled with children's books and building blocks. I was guessing this was a daycare room for this building, but think nothing of it and push inside just as the tears start to stream down my face.

A hiccup bubbles up my throat as I grab at the tissue box on a nearby table, shoving my face in a white fluffy Kleenex.

I blow my nose violently, trying to get the tears to cease. It didn't seem to be working so I just blow my nose again, sniffling at the contact. Finally, the waterworks shut down and the flood gates close. I breathe in as I chuck my used tissues in the trash can.

I plop down in a chair, my face falling into my hands.

How could we get this far? How could Alex and I have dug ourselves such a deep hole? I would have been fine with this wedding, but then he had to go proclaiming his newfound feelings for me and shit. It through me all out of whack and now I know for sure that I cannot standby and watch as they get married. The thought of Rein being Alex's for the rest of their lives sent another lurch of nausea rolling through my abdomen.

I was just about finished convincing myself that Alex was disgustingly ugly and a douche bag when the door to the room I was in opens, my body shooting up to sit up straight.

"Al—"

"Nope, just me."

My heart dropped as Jamie walks in, the door shutting behind her. We were left in eerie silence as I just stare at her, my eyes wide and my mouth gaping with my jaw rubbing the carpet. I regain some sense after what felt like a millennium.

"Jamie," I clear my throat. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she immediately retaliates, cocking her fake blonde head to the side. I don't think I'd ever wanted to punch someone in the face more than right now. "I'm pretty sure this isn't the proper room you would go to take a shit." She smirks a bit, her eyes darkening in what I felt like was a power exchange.

"Maybe I came in here to think. Not take a shit."

"Then why else would you say you shouldn't eat Chipotle?" she snorts, shaking her head. I wanted to gag myself. "Does their burritos make you cry?"

I exhale, trying to control my anger. "What do you want?"

"I want what you want."

I cock an eyebrow, immediately thinking of Emma Stone in Easy A and her witty comebacks. "Tom Cruise?" I ask, dead serious, my mouth a grim line. Jamie frowns and rolls her eyes, crossing her arms so her badly-done boob job was my line of sight.

"I want someone I can't have, bimbo."

"That's rich. You're calling me the bimbo?"

She laughs, a full-blown fit that made her throw her head back and everything. I was startled, my body jumping slightly in my chair. She brings her eyes back to me, the orbs still twinkling with the aftereffects of her laughter. "You're a bigger bimbo than I am," she giggles, almost mockingly. "At least I'm not having an affair with my boyfriend's best friend."

I froze.

I felt as if everything dropped away, my vision becoming hazy and my heart pounding so loud that it was probably stopping traffic. I felt as if my face had melted off.

"Wh—what?"

"You heard me," she scoffs. "You're sleeping with Alex."

"How—how dare you accuse me of—"

"It's so true!" Jamie exclaims, throwing her arms in the air. "First, I saw you two being all sweet at the bar. I didn't think too much of it. Then, I saw you follow after him at Applebee's, which wasn't a coincidence then. But it became a coincidence when he followed after you at Rein's house a couple days ago. So I decided to investigate. What do you think I discovered?"

Once again, I try to go with badly timed humor. "Tom Cruise?"

"Stop fucking with me," she snaps. "I discovered little miss goody-two-shoes macking with Alex. I'm pretty sure that kiss you two had was more than friendly."

"Why were you snooping in the first place?" I ask, the only thought going through my mind being Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. My mouth was dry and I felt as if someone had shoved cotton balls down my throat.

"I think Jack has a right to know when his girlfriend is cheating on him."

At that, the lid to my contained anger popped off. White hot rage spilled into my veins, making me see red. I jump off my chair, storming over to her and slapping her with more force than necessary. I didn't care, because in my book, she deserved the slap. Her head whipped to the right, her jaw dropping. The ring on my finger cut her lip, a little trickle of blood making a river down her chin. She looks up at me, holding the steadily growing red cheek.

"Either you tell him," she mutters, her eyes narrowing, "or I will."

I could feel my body turn cold as she said that before she turned on her heel and retreated, the burn on my hand not nearly as satisfying as it was moments ago.