Smiling In Everything

I returned to the rest of the party.

Everyone had moved from the room where the ceremony would be held. I was pleased that I wouldn't have to look at the altar anymore, just the thought of it making me wince. Because in a short span of days, Alex and Rein would be tying the knot right up there.

I tried not to think about that as I walk around that room, hearing the chatter of the party coming from the dining room. I swallow everything down before I walk in.

Inside, everyone was seated at the table. It was shaped like a square, everyone facing toward each other. I felt nervous to be walking in, my eyes flicking to where Jamie was sitting, but just duck my head and make me way quickly to the empty seat beside Jack. He was turned away from me as I plop down, his voice animated as he talked to Alex. Rein was on the other side of Alex, her body turned as she laughed with Jamie.

I felt so left out.

My eyes gravitate towards my lap, biting at my bottom lip. How do I tell him? Do I just tap his shoulder and blurt it out? Maybe I could pull him off to the side and tell him quietly so no scene would have to be caused. Maybe no one would have to know why we had to break up. Jamie never said I had to do it in front of everybody.

I can't let her be the one to tell him. If he's going to hear it, it has to come from me. No one else. Not even Alex. It was my dirty deed so I have to be the one to confess.

I clear my throat and tap Jack's shoulder.

He turns and grins down at me, his face so bright and happy that it made me sick to my stomach knowing I was about to admit something that would break his heart. "Sades," he smiles, leaning down to peck my cheek. "Is your burrito mishap over with?" He chuckles softly.

I try to conjure up a laugh. "Yeah. Just a mistake."

Jack nods. "Well, I'm glad you're feeling better." Another kiss lands on my lips.

Out of the corners of my eyes I could see Jamie narrowing her eyes. I gulp as she points to me, then Alex, and then Jack. I could feel my heart giving out in my chest.

As we pull back, I could feel myself sweating. I was sweating everywhere. I swallow again and look up at Jack. "Can we go somewhere to talk?" I murmur under my breath up at him, nipping at my bottom lip.

A worried flash goes across his face quickly. I pale.

Does he know I'm about to confess something bad?

"Sure," he murmurs back, reaching up to brush hair out of my face. I close my eyes, trying to remember his skin felt on mine. "Why?"

"Just..." I trail off, "please."

He nods and we go to stand, just as Rein gets to her feet as well. I groan, squeezing my eyes shut. "Time for the toasts!" she grins, clinking her knife against her glass. I wanted to reach out and wring her neck with my hands. "The best man goes first!" She waves over at Jack, that plastic grin still on her face, as Jack fully stands, grabbing his champagne flute.

"Alex," he smiles, looking over at his best friend. I take my napkin and press it to my forehead, feeling as if the room were spinning around me. "You're my best friend in the entire world. I trust you with my life. And when you first told me you were tying the knot with Rein," he tips his glass toward said girl, "I knew it was a match made in heaven. You two are perfect for each other."

A round of "awws" goes through the table.

"But, I also thought, 'Damn, he proposed before I could.'" Everyone laughs but I just sit there, feeling as if I really did eat a bad burrito for lunch.

"But when push comes to shove," Jack continues, looking down at Alex, "I love you, man. I'm glad you finally found a girl to handle your smart ass." Alex flicks his eyes toward me for a millisecond, making the knots in my stomach tighten even more. "You two deserve each other and I'm so happy I can be there to witness the occasion of you two promising your lives to each other." He raises his glass in the air. "To Rein and Alex. May the odds be ever in your favor."

More laughter as everyone toasts and drinks.

The odds won't be in their favor once I come out to Jack.

"Thank you, Jack!" Rein giggles, pushing her curls out of her face. "Sadie?" Every face turns to me and I knew I was pale and sick. I probably looked like a ghost.

"Uhm, yeah..." I mutter, clumsily getting to my feet.

Everyone waits as I grab my glass, the flute almost falling out of my sweaty palm. I was so acutely aware of Jamie's accusing glare, Alex's concerned stare, and Jack's clueless gaze. I wanted to vomit with how many feelings were going through me. I try to gulp them down and start to recite the speech I'd made a few days ago.

"I haven't known Rein for a terribly long time," I admit, "but she's become like a sister." I look over at the girl, her shining face like a beacon. "I've loved every minute of being her Maid of Honor. She's amazing and her...her and Alex will live happily." I felt tears prick at the back of my eyes. "I just know it."

Alex had to avert his gaze, staring down at the tablecloth.

"And Al," I continue, my throat scratchy and thick. I try to ignore it and not let it affect my voice. "You're my best friend. You were the first guy in the band to truly welcome me and I can't be more grateful for that. I love you with all of my being and it's insane how much we've grown over the past two years." He brings his eyes back to me, his orbs sad. I try to avoid the look. "You're the Harry to my Hermione. And I love that you understand all the references I make to cheesy movies. And that I can talk to you about everything. But I know Rein can do the same." I try to bring myself back, taking a deep breath.

"I will always be there for you, even in the tough times we can have. You're the guy I go to to complain about Jack and I'm the girl you go to to complain about Rein." I hear a few chuckles from the crowd of people. "I'm so glad another addition will be added to the All Time Low family. I wish Rein and Alex the...the best of luck."

I raise my glass as tears break loose, pooling in my eyes. I drink hurriedly and wipe them away, glad that no one seemed to notice them.

My butt finds the chair quickly and the applause dies soon after.

There was light chatter now that the mock speeches were over. I breath out deeply and go to grab Jack's attention again, but we're interrupted as Jamie clangs her fork against her glass. She stands before anyone could be puzzled that she was speaking.

"Hello everyone," she grins, my eyes widening. "I'm Jamie, the runner-up Maid of Honor and bridesmaid to Rein." Her sickly smile made my entire body go numb. "I, like all of you, can't wait for this wedding. But I feel one more thing needs to be said before it can go on."

I felt as if the Earth dropped out of orbit.

She was going to say it. Right here in front of everyone. Her red painted lips were mocking me as she smirked, her eyes sweeping over me with a triumphant gaze. I storm to my feet.

"No!" I hiss at her. "Do not break up this wedding. Not only will you ruin Jack and I, but you'll be ruining your best friend's relationship!"

Jamie raises a brow. "Excuse me?"

"I said, don't!" I growl again, everyone's faces turning appalled.

"What are you talking about?" Jack asks me gently, his hand finding my arm. I had the urge to shake it off as my whole body seethed and burned. "Sadie, what are you saying?" I glance at his puzzled and worried face for a brief second before looking back at Jamie.

"Yeah, Sadie, what are you saying?" she asks innocently. But I could see that look in her eyes.

He had to hear it from me. No one else. I close my eyes.

"Jack, there's something I have to tell you," I say, quietly, but judging by the whispers I could tell everyone had heard me say it. I sneak a small glance at Alex, who's eyes were blown wide. He was begging me not to say it. But I had to. Or else Jamie would.

"What is it?" he asks, his voice soft as he takes my hand.

I glare over at Jamie before looking back at Jack, taking a shaky breath. "I haven't been...exactly...faithful." A gasp runs through the crowd and Jack immediately drops my hand. It didn't affect me like it should. "I've...over the course of the past two months I've technically been with another man."

"What?" he asks, his face going white.

Alex stands then, his jaw clenching. "Sadie, don't do this."

"I have to," I mumble. I could see Rein's confused face. I squeeze my eyes shut, a tear trickling out and running down my cheek. Alex shakes his head.

"No, Sadie, don't—" Alex begins.

"With who?" Jack asks instantly, his eyes blazing. I knew that look. He was mad. No. He wasn't mad. He was fucking furious. And it was all my fault. My eyes shut again as I try to picture reality. Maybe this was all just a sick dream.

I avert my gaze. "Not here, Jack."

"Tell me, Sadie."

"Later, Ja—"

"Who, Sadie?!"

A sob bubbles out of my throat as I close my eyes, my lips forming the name of the boy right behind Jack. His best friend. "Alex."

Dead silence.

Tears rushed down my face as I look up at Alex, his own eyes closing as his face crumples. I just ruined both of our lives and our relationships. I could feel my chest splitting open, my heart shattering at the look on Jack's and Rein's faces. All the guests and parents' jaws were dropped, all the breathing and oxygen in the room sucking out like a dementor was near.

Jack found his voice first. "Did you just say Alex?"

I felt like my tears were a lake. So I nod.

Jack whips around and stands up, glaring down at Alex. I could see his hands clench into fists. "You slept with my girlfriend?" he growls out, his face red. I reach out to try and stop him but he throws me off. "With Sadie?"

Alex was speechless as Rein breaks into tears.

"No, Jack!" I yell, grabbing his shoulder again. "It was me! It's my fault! I loved him first! Don't blame him, he didn't do anything!"

Once again, everyone freezes.

"You..." Jack looks back at me. "You love him?"

My voice was hoarse as I spoke, my hand coming up to wipe at my tears. "I didn't want to hurt you...we stopped the affair weeks ago, I promise. This is just a misunderstanding..."

"Obviously not if you slept with him!" Jack screams, shoving my hand off again. I whimper, backing away at the enraged look on his face. Rein was still crying, Jamie trying to soothe her by rubbing her back. "You cheated on me, Sadie. With my best fucking friend. How is that a misunderstanding, huh? Huh?!"

"Jack, please—"

"Save it," he snaps, his jaw clenching. "We have nothing left to say."

Then he storms out of the dining room, leaving us in complete and utter silence. Finally, I look back at all the faces behind me, the tears still pouring as I look around at all the accusing and judgmental faces. Jamie's was triumphant and Alex's was shocked.

I let my eyes sweep over everyone. "I am so sorry."

Then with those words said, I run out of the room, my throat choking on my tears.