Gravity Don't Mean Too Much to Me

A high pitched scream echoed across the small hospital room as Lyndsey felt another slice across her skin. How many times did he need to cut her to get the baby out? She could already feel his hands inside of her, and the sensation was so unpleasant she felt as though she might be sick.

She could feel her husband’s hand faintly on hers, but every sense except the one in her stomach seemed lessened, therefore although Gerard was squeezing her fingers tight in reassurance there was no way she could tell.

“What are you doing?” A voice croaked from the distance.

“It doesn’t look like he wants to come out,” groaned another voice, deeper than the other’s.

“Wh-what?”

“Don’t panic,” came the second voice again, louder this time.

Suddenly Lyndsey felt a huge release of pressure from where the doctor’s hands had been. A dull pain was left behind as she scanned the blurred room hastily for her baby. He had to be there somewhere; he certainly wasn’t in her stomach anymore.

A voice from her right whispered; “It’s okay, he’s here. He’s here.”

She tried to move her lips, but they felt unusually heavy.

“Don’t worry, the doctor’s just cleaning him,” whispered the voice, and she could feel a stroking on her limp hand.

Despite the reassuring words, she couldn’t help but panic. She couldn’t hear anything, no screaming, no crying, nothing. Were babies meant to be so silent after birth? Or had she temporarily gone death? If that had been the case, then she wouldn’t have been able to hear the voice coming from her right.

As if to answer her worries, she heard the voice suddenly grow panicked. “What’s happening? Why is he so quiet?”

The pressure released from her hand, and she felt a small breeze as someone sped away from her. She couldn’t stand it; she needed to know what was happening! She tried to raise her hand, putting all her energy into the action. She smiled triumphantly as she felt her hand lift. It felt heavier than usual however, so she needed to concentrate to keep it up.

She rubbed her eyes, trying to clear the haze. The room span for a few seconds, but then everything became suddenly clear.

The doctor was leaning over something opposite her, his hands busy doing something she couldn’t see. He seemed to be moving up and down, but none of this made sense to her. Her thoughts were very jumbled, it was hard to place where she’d seen that movement before. She scanned the rest of the room in panic; there was something she needed to find.

There he was. Gerard.

But there was something wrong as he looked back at her, his red eyes wide in shock. His lower lip trembled, his eyes were filled with tears, and his hands were grasping his hair in anguish. Lyndsey felt her heart drop. What was happening? What was wrong with her baby?

She fought past the pain to open her mouth. This time she would talk, no matter how much effort it required. “Where’s my baby?”

Gerard shook his head, gulping.

“Tell me where he is, Gerard!” Screamed Lyndsey, making him flinch.

What was wrong with him? Why wouldn’t anyone tell her what was happening? If anything was happening to her baby she needed to know, she couldn’t live past the day if she lost him, not now that he was so close to being in her life. She began to thrash against the bed, desperately wanting to stand up and find her baby herself.

Gerard was at her side in a heartbeat. “Please, Lyndsey lay down!” He pleaded his voice alien to her. “Calm down, please, the doctor needs to concentrate!”

“What’s happening to him?” She cried, pushing against her husband, who was weakly attempting to hold her back.

Gerard didn’t reply, but let go of her. Lyndsey didn’t wait for an explanation as to why he had let go; she pushed herself upwards without a second thought. That had been a mistake.

A scream escaped involuntarily from her as she felt her stomach tear, blood dripping onto her fingers as she grabbed at it. The room span, Gerard’s face blurred with the walls behind him, and her head hit the back of the bed with a thump.

“Lyndsey!”

“Move!” Yelled the doctor, pushing roughly past Gerard to lean over her.

“The baby!”

“He’s breathing; just get out of the way!”

That was all Lyndsey needed to hear. With that, she let herself fall unconscious.

*********************************************************
Bandit’s finger tapped repeatedly against the chair she was sat on.

She had been waiting for what seemed like forever, but when she had looked at the clock she saw that she had only been waiting ten minutes. Her mother’s screams had been unbearable, every one making her jump and her skin crawl.

Bandit couldn’t stand to hear he mother in so much pain. Just thinking about what might be happening brought tears to her eyes. She wanted more than anything to be there with her, despite what Frank had said about the room not being a place for a girl her age. She’d endure anything as long as she could hold her mom’s hand.

Although her Uncle Frank had been trying his hardest to put on a brave smile, Bandit could tell that he was just as distressed as her. His smile didn’t reach his cheeks like it always did; his eyes were watery and distant whenever he would try and tell a joke or story to take her mind off things. And most of all, every time he heard Lyndsey scream, he’d give a small whimper which he would try and disguise as a cough.

What made things worse was the possibility that her baby brother or sister might be hurt in some way. Bandit had always dreamed of having a younger brother or sister to play with, to be their role model and teach them things. She always pictured the day the baby was born to be a lovely day, with her mom passing him or her over into Bandit’s arm to cradle. Not once had she pictured it like this, with her waiting impatiently outside whilst her mother’s screams echoed across the room, and Frank being just as upset as her made her think that something was terribly wrong.

Of course, Bandit knew that some screaming was involved in childbirth. They had been made to watch a video at school about it. Bandit cringed as she remembered what she had seen. The woman had been covered in blood, sweat, and she looked paler than a ghost. There had been a considerably amount of screaming, but mostly the woman just swore or squeezed her husband’s hand.

Her mom’s scream was different to the one in the video, and Bandit wasn’t dumb. No matter how much Frank told her that everything was fine Bandit knew that her mom wasn’t meant to have the baby that day. In health class they had also learnt about how the woman has water coming out of her just before the baby is born, which is when the husband is meant to take them to the hospital to deliver. That hadn’t happened with her mom.

Suddenly there was a piercing silence.

Frank looked over at Bandit, his eyes wide with shock. Bandit looked back at the door where she knew her mother was, wondering whether it was all finally over.

“Wait here,” whispered Frank, walking over to the front desk.

Bandit could see him whispering urgently to the nurse, who looked confused. Just then, Ray walked back in, this time without Ross.

Ray saw the look on Bandit’s face and unanswered her unspoken question. “I took Ross home. He was feeling tired.”

“Oh,” croaked Bandit as Ray took a seat opposite.

“Hey,” Ross whispered soothingly, leaning forward. “Don’t be sad. I’ll bring Ross over tomorrow, how about that?”

Bandit nodded, a lump in her throat. It had been good to have a friend with her.

“You’re mom’s gonna be fine, y’know,” Ray smiled, and Bandit realised that this was the first genuine smile she had seen all night.

“How do you know?”

Ray patted her hand. “Your mom is such a strong woman. For as long as I’ve known her she’s never lost a fight. And these doctors know what they’re doing; they’ve been trained for situations like these, haven’t they?”

Bandit nodded, still unconvinced.

“She’s stopped screaming now?” Ray asked, looking towards the door. Bandit nodded. “Well that must mean something, aye?”

Bandit couldn’t bring herself to return her Uncle’s smile, so it was lucky that Frank walked over at that moment.

His face said it all. He looked completely broken, and it scared Bandit that he didn’t even pretend to smile like he had before. His eyes looked uncertainly across the room and focused on the door where he mother lay, and then back at Bandit with new intensity.

“What’s wrong?” Ray stood up immediately, pushing a few chairs over in the process. Clearly he hadn’t been as calm as he had made out before.

Frank shook his head and knelt down slowly to face Bandit. Ray looked back and forth between the two of them, sitting back down beside her so that he could hear. Frank shot a look of slight annoyance at him, but Ray held his position. Bandit could already feel the tears leaking from her eyes, and no matter how hard she tried to keep them from falling they just wouldn’t stop. She knew something had gone wrong, it was clear from the look on Frank’s face.

“Don’t cry, honey,” Frank whispered his eyes wide with shock by her quick reaction. “Everything’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

“Yeah, I’m sure your mom is fine, sweetheart, she just needs rest. Right, Frank?” Ray commented, looking uncertainly at Frank.

“Right,” Bandit noticed how hesitant he seemed. This was not good. “Your mom really is fine, honey, I can tell you that.”

“Then why do you look so sad?” The small girl squeaked, trying her hardest not to burst into hysterics.

Frank grabbed her hand and squeezed. “This is gonna be hard to explain to you, because you’re so young.” He paused, looking to Ray is if for assistance. “I don’t want to have to be the one to tell you this, B, but your mom and dad are busy right now, so I guess I have to. Just know that everything is going to be okay in the end, no matter what’s happening right now. Your mom isn’t the only fighter around here.”

“What do you mean?”

He sighed. “Bandit, something went wrong with the baby.”

Bandit felt as if someone had slapped her. Her little brother or sister was hurt or in danger somehow, and what was worse was that her mom was probably crying more than anyone in the world at that very moment. Bandit had not met her sibling yet, but she already felt a tight bond with them, as she had pictured this moment all her life. Having a baby brother or sister would be like having a friend for life, and the fact that they might be taken away from her before she had even met them was the worst feeling in the world.

“Now I don’t want you to panic or start worrying, because the doctor is doing everything he can to help. There’s a chance everything could be completely fine, but just in case I want you to do something I’ve never asked of anyone before. Can you do one small thing for me, for your mom and for the baby?”

Bandit nodded, unsure of where this was going. Ray looked both miserable and confused, but Frank had a new fire in his eyes that Bandit had never seen before. As though he were determined to make everything okay even if he had to do everything himself.

“I want you to pray, B.”

“Pray?”

“Yeah, I want you to pray as hard as you can,” Frank gave a small smile at the confused look on Bandit’s face. “I know we’ve never been a religious family, but your mom is going through a really rough time right now, not only her, but your dad and your baby brother. They need your help, Lady Sunshine, and the only way you can help right now is to send out positive thoughts. Can you do that?”

“Yeah,” Bandit sighed, looking down at her knees to avoid his eyes. “But what’s wrong with the baby?”

“He’s… he’s gonna be fine,” Frank sent Ray a look that Bandit didn’t miss. Fear? Pity? “Just don’t worry too much. Get some sleep or something. You look tired and we’ve been here for hours.”

“No,” she replied, forcing her eyes to stay open as she spoke. “I’m staying awake until the baby is okay.”

“Alright,” sighed Frank, standing up. “I’m gonna go talk to Ray outside, will you be okay here on your own?”

Bandit didn’t like the thought of being alone, but she agreed to stay anyway, as she didn’t want to bother him. There was a nurse that would stay with her anyway, so if she got too bored she could talk to her. But there was one question she needed to ask before he left.

“Is the baby going to die?”

Frank turned back to face her, a look of complete shock on his face. His mouth hung open as if he were about to say something, but then something out of the ordinary happened. He burst into tears.
Bandit gasped at how sudden he had broken down, she had never seen a grown man cry before, much less her Uncle. Uncle Frank, who was always so strong in hard situations, always the one to make her feel better, always the one smiling and making jokes when everyone else was feeling sad. Seeing him break down was the final sign to Bandit that something horrible really was happening, and it made her feel sick. Why did this have to happen to her, of all people? Why did her baby brother or sister have to be sick before they had even lived? It wasn’t fair. It was as if her world had been turned upside down, nothing made sense anymore.

Frank ran from the room, slamming the door behind him. Bandit called after him and made to chase him, but Ray had hold of her immediately.

“Bandit, it’s okay,” he said urgently, trying to stop her from following. “He’s just a little upset about a whole lot of things lately; it’s not just the baby. The baby… I can’t promise you that the baby will be okay, but I can tell you that I’ll be here for you, no matter what happens.”

Bandit felt her chest swell with gratitude. She had never been as close to Ray as she felt at that moment.

“I love you, Ray,” she whispered, hugging him as tight as she could.

“I love you too,” he replied, and with that, they fell silent.

**********************************************************************************
Lyndsey awoke with a start.

For a while, all she could remember was the feel of the Doctor’s hands inside her stomach. All she knew was that she had had to have an operation of some sort, but for what she couldn’t recall. She could still feel where his hands had been, and it made her feel numb every time she thought about it.

She looked around the room, trying to recall when she had been moved to a new room. The sheets were clean again, not a spot of blood to be seen, and the walls were a different colour to before. She had a smaller room this time, with a tiny television hung above her bed in the corner. She realised that the television was on as she rubbed her eyes and saw the light coming from it, a random children’s channel on screen.

She groaned. Her head hurt like hell, and she had no idea why. Had she hit it on something?

That’s when it all came rushing back.

Her baby. Where was he? Was he safe; was he healthy, who was taking care of him?

A million questions filled her mind, but before she could say anyone of them, a small gasp interrupted her chaotic thoughts from the corner of the room.

“Mom!”

Bandit’s arms wrapped around her sides a little too tightly for Lyndsey’s liking, but she hugged her back with as much energy as she could muster.

In all the confusion she hadn’t spared a single thought for her daughter. She knew that this could be justified, she had been more concerned for her new born baby boy, who from the looks of the motions the doctor had been making early, had been unbreathing when he had been taken from her. But she felt guilty nevertheless for not thinking of Bandit sooner, she hadn’t even considered how the events might be affecting the young girl.

“B, thank goodness you’re okay,” she sighed, kissing her forehead.

Bandit pulled away, smiling up at her mother at the same time. That was when Lyndsey took in just how exhausted and upset she looked, even though there was a smile on her face, she could see where Bandit had been crying. A surge of emotions rushed through her. Pain, concern, curiosity, guilt, but the main one being fear.

What if the tears were much more recent than she thought? What if, while she had been unconscious, something else had gone wrong with her baby?

“B, where is he, where’s the baby?” She asked in a panic, sitting up slightly too fast and getting a head rush.

“He’s with dad,” smiled Bandit, sitting on the end of her bed. “He’s so beautiful, mom.”

“You’ve seen him?” Lyndsey felt a little jealous at the fact that her daughter had gotten to meet him before she had.

“Yeah, he’s so cute, mom, he looks like you a lot.”

“He does? How?” Lyndsey sat up, slower this time, eager to hear more about him.

Bandit seemed to grow excited at the thought of getting to explain everything to her mom, and she climbed over to sit near her lap. “Well, he has your eyes, and your nose, but he has dad’s hair and mouth. Dad says he’s glad he got most of your features, it makes him more perfect that way.”

Lyndsey’s hear swelled at the thought of her husband. Her brave, brave, husband. He had stuck by her side throughout it all, he had had to watch not only his son in pain but also his wife, and Lyndsey felt a longing to see him. It was so like Gerard to put himself down against Lyndsey, but Lyndsey knew that the baby would be beautiful no matter whom it liked like more, and the fact that he had his father’s hair and smile made her grin.

“How big is he? Have they told you how much he weighs?”

Bandit giggled. “Not yet, but he’s the tiniest baby I’ve ever seen.”

“How much hair does he have, exactly? It can’t be that much, can it?” laughed Lyndsey, picturing the baby with Gerard’s long locks.

“He only has a little bit, but the doctor said that for a new born he has quite a bit,” Bandit took hold of her mom’s hand gently. “I’m so glad you’re okay, mom.”

Lyndsey tried to keep the tears at bay. Bandit didn’t need to see her crying, it would just cause her more pain. "Don’t be silly, it’s completely normal for a pregnancy to be so stressful.”

“But you were screaming really loud, mom,” Bandit whispered, burying her head into Lyndsey’s shoulder. “You were screaming a lot.”

Lyndsey couldn’t recall screaming at all, but she had been more focused on the baby at the time. She looked down at her daughter in guilt. She shouldn’t have been around to witness that, she should have been taken home straight away. Lyndsey made a mental note to ask Frank why on earth he allowed her to stay all night, when she clearly needed sleep.

“Everyone screams when they have a baby, honey. I’m sorry if I scared you,” she stroked her daughter’s hair as she continued to bury her face into her mother. “All that matters is that everything’s okay now, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Bandit pulled away, nodding. Lyndsey felt ashamed of her behaviour earlier on, even if she couldn’t have controlled the screaming, she should have taken her other daughter into consideration. Frank was definitely going to get an ear full when she saw him, although not too much of an ear full, she supposed he had stayed with her daughter all night long, so she’d have to cut him some slack.

“I can’t wait for you to meet him,” Bandit chimed, jumping from the bed. “Oh, can you meet him now, mom? Shall I go get dad?”

Lyndsey laughed. It felt strange to be laughing after everything that had happened. “Oh, alright, if you must.”

Bandit swept from the room before she’d even finished her sentence. Lyndsey smiled as she watched after her, she was such a sweet little girl. So strong, so brave, and so young. But Lyndsey couldn’t think about her daughter too much in that moment, not when her son was so close to her, not when her husband was bringing him in, his tiny body barely visible beneath his arms.

Gerard sent Lyndsey a look of pure pride, absolutely beaming, his smile reaching both sides of his face. Lyndsey smiled back, trying to catch a glimpse of her son’s little face. He was wrapped in a pale blue blanket with little ducks printed along the edges, and his tiny head poked out from the top, his dark hair visible.

Lyndsey felt her chest swell as he was placed into her weak arms. He was just as Bandit had described; absolutely beautiful.

His eyes were an exact mirror of her own, a deep brown that almost made it impossible to see his pupils. His smile reminded her so much of her husband it was unbelievable, and his nose really did look like hers except that she preferred his much more. His little strands of hair were so soft beneath her fingers, softer than anything she’d ever felt before.

And the smell of him, as strange as it seemed for her to notice, was so gorgeous, so pure, that she couldn’t help but keep smelling his hair. His chubby little cheeks were rosy as he wrapped his tiny finger around her thumb, and in that moment she realised just how much he meant to her. All the worrying, all the pain, it was all completely worth it.

“He’s beautiful,” she gasped, tears pouring from her eyes.

“He looks just like you,” Gerard whispered, standing beside her.

Lyndsey turned to face her husband.

“I love you,” she whispered.

She leant in to kiss him, his warm breath on her face as their lips met, dancing elegantly against each other, two halves joined together to make one, perfect person. She felt complete as he stroked her face gently, tracing his finger around her jaw. His lips slowed as he held her tighter, and she wanted nothing more than to keep the kiss going, it was like nobody else was in the room, nobody else existed except the two of them.

Except, reality made itself noticed again, and Lyndsey realised that Bandit was stood at the end of the bed shifting uncomfortably on her feet, her cheeks a dull pink. In her arms, her baby boy lay, now fast asleep, his tiny chest rising and falling.

“You haven’t named him yet,” Bandit commented, looking more excited than she had all night.

“That’s right,” Lyndsey replied in realisation, and Bandit’s smile was reflected onto her face as she looked down at the boy in her arms. “What should we call him?”

There was silence in the room as it dawned on the three of them that they didn’t have any idea what to call him. His birth had been so sudden and unexpected, Lyndsey had thought she’d had more time to think about it, but now she needed to make a decision, and a good one.

“I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while,” Gerard began, a small smile forming on his lips. “Now that he’s here I see that the name would be perfect for him.”

“Tell us,” Lyndsey encouraged, glad that he had an idea.

“Well, it’s just an idea; we can always change it if you don’t like it. But I was thinking… Bay.”

“Bay Way?”

“You don’t like it,” he didn’t say it as a question.

“No, no, I just… what does it mean?”

Gerard shifted uncomfortably. “All I know is that it’s also the name of a herb.”

Lyndsey couldn’t help but laugh. “Trust you to choose a name just because you like the sound of it and not because of the actual meaning.”

“I like it,” Bandit giggled, and her father’s face lit up. “Did you have any more ideas?”

Gerard smirked. “I’ve been thinking about names for a long time, I know I should’ve included you in it Lyndsey, but I was only doing it for fun, and we had ages until the baby was actually due-”

“Oh, just tell us.”

“Well, there’s Blaise, which I liked quite a bit, but instead of spelling it ‘B-l-a-i-s-e’, I thought maybe we could spell it like your name Lyndsey, with a ‘z’. ‘B-l-a-z-e’, or another I really liked was Bo.”

“Blaze Way, Blaze Way,” muttered Lyndsey looking intently at the boy in front of her. “Bo Way, Bo Way, Bo… hmm, I definitely like Blaze, especially the way you chose to spell it.”

Gerard beamed, kissing her hard on the forehead. “So you like it? Or do you want to hear some more?”

Lyndsey couldn’t help but laugh, his face was just so adorable. He really wanted to name his son, who was she to stop him? Blaze was such a unique and yet normal name, and as she looked down at the boy in her arms she couldn’t imagine him being called anything else.

“Welcome to the world, Blaze,” she grinned, and Gerard’s face lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning.

“Dad, why did all the names start with a ‘B’?” Bandit asked curiously, and Lyndsey realised that her daughter was right. Why had he done that?

“I wanted him to be connected to you in some way, B. I thought that if he gets to have a little of me and your mom, then he should at least have a name that fits nicely with yours.”

“Thank you!” Bandit cried, hugging him tight. “I’m gonna teach him how to do all kinds of cool tricks!”

“I think he’s a little too small for that right now,” chuckled Gerard, ruffling her hair. “Come on, it looks like you and Blaze both need sleep.”

“I’m not tired,” protested Bandit stubbornly, “I want to stay here.”

“Do as your father says, sweetheart, you look as if you’re about to pass out,” Lyndsey could see that Bandit wanted to stay with her brother. “He’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Her daughter looked between the two of them, and then slumped her shoulders, defeated. “Okay, but I’m only having a quick nap.”

“Good, now come on,” Lyndsey pulled back the covers and Bandit got in, her arms wrapped around her mother’s waist as Lyndsey passed Blaze back over to Gerard, who told her that he needed to be put back into his crib for sleep.

Gerard sat down next to his wife and child with tears of happiness threatening to spill, so he just took Lyndsey’s hand, leaned over, and fell asleep on her lap. Before they knew it, all four of them were asleep, safe and sound.