Imperfect Imortality

I spent the next few days at home, my body still to weak to do any major tasks. I think I missed about a week of school but that didn’t really matter to me; I say ‘I think’ because I’ve truthfully lost account of time, the days just seem to drag past, each day slower than the last. I spent most of my time lead on the sofa sleeping, as my body readjusted to being, well…alive.

Currently I had just woken up from one of my daily naps, when someone began to hammer on the door. A small part of me inside began to worry, as I knew for a fact mum wasn’t due home until 9 this evening and it was only 5. I swung my legs over the edge of the couch, and stood up slowly making sure not to unbalance myself, I stood still for a moment waiting for my body to adjust to the sudden movement. The knocking at the door grew louder and I began to panic. Not thinking straight I grabbed the vase of the edge of the coffee table and raised it above my head, if it was that voice back again I was sure going to give them a piece of my mind.

I paced towards the door slowly, my eyesight blurred slightly from so much constant sleeping. As I reached the door I flipped the catch and slowly pulled back the door, holding my breath, ready to strike. As the door swung back fully I let out a long sigh of relief and grinned,
“Hey dude.” Mikey smiled back at me, then looked rather puzzled as he stared at the vase in my hands,
“Re-decorating or something?” I laughed at this, feeling rather stupid.
“Well can I come in or shall we have a conversation on the doorstep?” I stood back letting him pass though the doorway, he kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat while I clicked the door shut and put the latch back on.

We spent a while talking about casual things like school and T.V, eventually Mikey walked into the kitchen to make coffee as he didn’t want me to “push myself” to much; I couldn’t tell whether he was being serious or sarcastic, but it made me smile either way. Even though it felt good to finally talk with someone other than my mum for once, I couldn’t help but think that there was something awkward about our conversation, like Mikey wasn’t saying all he wanted to. He came back in a few moments later, two cups of steaming hot coffee in his hands. He passed one to me and sat down, silence followed. I couldn’t take it any more the silence was getting on my nerves,
“What’s wrong Mikes? You seem…well I dunno really, just a little tense.” He looked at me and sighed, he bit his lip and turned his body to face me.
“Yea I guess you could say that I was tense, but more worried than anything…” I looked at him sideways,
“Worried about what exactly?” he shook his head slightly as if the answer were too obvious, which only puzzled me further.
“I’m worried about you Frank, really worried…”

He began to tell me about how he was worried that I wasn’t really over Gerard’s death, I cringed at that word, after all to me he wasn’t dead. My cringing only seemed to emphasize his point, and he shook his head slightly.
“See what I mean Frank? It worries me that you might end up a state again, like you did last week. Why didn’t you just tell someone that you weren’t over him? We could have helped you and none of this would’ve happened.” He looked ever so concerned and I bit my lip,
“You don’t know what it’s like Mikey!! Everyone expects so much of me, it was just better to keep it all in.” I looked up at him watching frustration bloom across his face and I wondered what I’d done to anger him this time.
“I don’t know what it’s like? I don’t know what it’s like!-“ I held my breath and I wish I’d just held my tongue, me and my big mouth. “-Frank! He was my fucking brother! Of course I knew what it felt like! What are you stupid?” He glared at me, and the frustration of wanting to retaliate to his accusations built up in my chest.
“ For gods sake Frank! Use your brain for once! And to think I’d looked up to you for support when he first went missing! I thought you were so brave-“ He stood up and glared down at me, tears forming in his eyes, I knew it hurt for him to talk about Gerard, but he knew it hurt me just as much, maybe even more. “-but you’re just a coward!” The last sentence struck me hard, and I glared at him, standing up to face him- forgetting about my dizziness. I brought my fist back and lurched it forward smacking him hard in the face. With that he recoiled backward and hit the floor.

I hated myself for doing it and truly I didn’t know why I had, he hadn’t deserved it. His glasses lay smashed on the floor and he sat there clasping his nose tightly; it didn’t look as if it were bleeding, but it was sure to be badly bruised. He stared back up at me in horror; tears were rolling down his cheeks. His expression of horror soon turned to hate. He grabbed his glasses from the floor and quickly placed them on his nose, wincing in pain as he did. He stood up quickly and lurched towards me, smacking me hard in the stomach; I collapsed on the sofa, gasping for air. I was so weak at the moment I didn’t think I could move to respond. I could hear Mikey’s heavy breathing behind me,
“Your pathetic Iero…“ I flinched as Mikey used the nickname Gerard used for me; on this pause I began to regain my bearings. I couldn’t tell if Mikey meant it, but I could hear him sniffling behind me,
“I can’t believe I looked up to you” Mikey began to head for the door and as he opened the door I stood and turned to face him, then I screamed.
“I’m not your fucking brother Mikey! And you’re going to have to learn that!” The door closed on my final word, and I collapsed back on the sofa, curling myself into a ball and letting time float by.

I was pulled out of my state of isolation by the post falling through the letterbox; I stood up again and walked towards the door, wiping off the tear tracks from my face. I bent down picked up the letters and began to sift through them, none of them vaguely interesting only bills. I looked back down to see a small piece of paper hanging loosely though the letterbox, I frowned; it had neither an envelope nor a return address posted on the front, just “Frankie”. I eyed it suspiciously while pulling it free from the door. I looked it over, just a normal piece of paper. I turned it over slowly until I was faced with the writing on the other side. I stared at it in confusion and horror as my stomach began to knot. It read:

“Awww it appears that Frankie isn’t making many friends at the moment. Boo hoo, poor weak little Frankie, ah well Sweet Dreams"

I stared at the last two words they were underlined and capitalized for emphasis. The knot in my stomach tightened as I began to wonder just what it meant by that.