I Dare Not Ask Who's Been Helping You Fall Asleep

I’d like to say that after that night every thing between Alex and I finally clicked. As we fell asleep next to each other I’d like to say that he finally realized that I was the girl for him and that he was the guy for me. I’d like to say that, but I can’t. Instead Alex seemed more determined to make Jasey his, and I was all the more determined to make him mine…

When I woke up that morning after the party, I opened my eyes to see Alex’s face inches from mine and I couldn’t help but smile. I also couldn’t help but study his face. He looked so innocent like the kid I had met that first day on the bus.

I quickly closed my eyes when I saw Alex’s body move. Slowly, I opened them to see him staring at me blankly. I opened my eyes wider and our eyes connected.

I smiled at him, “How do you feel?”

“Like shit.” He grumbled.

“Really? Me too!” I said faking excitement.

He groaned. “Not so loud! My head hurts.”

He rubbed his tired eyes and I took the moment to attempt to keep the butterflies in my stomach from making me nauseous. Suddenly, I was completely aware of just how close our bodies were and how close our faces were. I hadn’t been this close to Alex since that day we kissed.

“Jasmine?” Alex whispered.

I hadn’t realized that he was talking to me. “Oh, did you say something?”

“Yeah, I asked what time it was.”

“You did? I’m sorry I was just… thinking—“

“— about my devastatingly good looks? It’s okay I understand.” He joked. Little did he know how much truth that held.

But it caught me off guard, “um, what? I mean psh, yeah right, you wish. It's nine in the morning.”

We both got quiet; lost in out own thoughts.

Maybe this was finally the time to tell him. It was just me and him, no one else around, no interruptions, six inches apart.

“Alex?”

He looked into my eyes. This was it.

But I couldn’t take it and broke eye contact.

I looked back up and smiled, “You never told me how things went with Jasey last night.” I moved over a bit so that now there was more distance between us.

I had avoided what I really wanted to say and Alex didn’t even notice. With that one name all his other thoughts, possible thoughts of me, were gone.

I watched as his eyes grew brighter and how his cheeks were flushed. Jasey did that to him. Not me.

“Well, I kind of made an ass out of myself, because you know how Jasey was in tears because her boyfriend was cheating on her and I was trying to comfort her by talking to her and running my fingers through her hair…”

I tried to remain impassive as Alex told me this, but it was extremely difficult.

“… but then she started tracing circles and little swirls into my arm and it made me dizzy. Then the next thing I knew my hands were tangled in her hair and we were making out.”

I involuntarily cringed. I quickly checked to see if Alex had noticed. He hadn’t.

Alex paused as he relived the moment in his mind.

“What happened next?” I asked.

Alex’s face dimmed and he frowned, “She stopped it, just like that, with no warning. I don’t know what I did wrong.”

I sighed. As much as I hated what I was about to do, I couldn’t help but want to make Alex feel better, “You didn’t do anything wrong that’s the way girls are.” I thought about Jack. “When we’re hurt we do things that we wouldn’t normally do, because when we’re hurt we don’t think straight.”

“So you’re saying that when Jasey kissed me she was thinking clearly? That kissing me was a mistake?” He sounded so small, so sad.

I tried to reassure him. “You never know. After all how many guys can say that they’ve kissed Jasey.”

Alex grinned, “Not very many.”

“Just don’t give up so easily.” What the hell was I saying?

It got quiet once more.

“Oh, I never said thanks for, um, giving me my first kiss.” Alex said suddenly.

It felt like that was so long ago and did he really need to thank me? I sighed heavily and closed my eyes trying to suppress the new emotions brought back from memory that kiss.

I faked a smile, “A friend helping a friend. It happens every day.” I tried to sound convincing.

Alex studied my face for a moment. “Yup, friends… speaking of friends, what’s going on between you and Jack?”

I sighed once more and ran my fingers through my hair.

“I don’t really know.” I said quietly.

“Well, I think you should know that Jack’s crazy about you. Whenever you’re not around you’re all he talks about.”

“He does?”

“Except he always complains about how you’ll never like him, but when I tell him he’s wrong; he always says I don’t understand.”

“Oh…”

“So do you like him too?”

“Um—”

Just then my door slammed open, “Who the hell are the two people sleeping in my guest room?” My mom’s furious eyes locked on Alex. Then she looked at me. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

We jumped out of bed quickly.

“Mom, nothing happened. Honestly.”

“Get out!” She yelled at Alex.

Panicked, Alex took one last look at me and ran past my mom where he met Jack and Lisa in the hallway.

They left quickly and soon I was alone with my mother.

“Young lady you have some explaining to do.”

I gulped.

Shit…