I Dare Not Ask Who's Been Helping You Fall Asleep

It was after Jasey and her boyfriend’s break up that I felt my world crash out from under my feet. And I was falling. Falling into a pit of darkness, bitterness and insecurity, like I wasn’t good enough for Alex. I became cynical. Even worse than that was having to admit to myself that I was indeed falling, but not into a pit of despair. No, I was falling, that was for sure; I was falling in love with him…

After lunch ended I went to my next class. When all of a sudden I heard my phone vibrate. Only I never put my phone on vibrate. It was always on silent. But there was no doubt that the sound was coming from my bag.

I rummaged into my bag and pulled out Mary Jane’s cell phone. Of course, I forgot I still had it. I saw that I had a new text message.

I opened it to see:

If this is the girl from before can you meet me in the girl’s bathroom, upstairs 100 building.

Weird I wasn’t really expecting that.

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When I got to the bathroom a battle was going down.

“Jasey, when are you going to realize that guys are only out for one thing and when you don’t give it to them, they’ll find other ways.” I heard a girls voice coming from the inside the girl’s bathroom.

Jasey’s voice was quivering, but I could still detect the anger in her voice, “Oh, I’m so sorry that everyone can’t be a slut like you, Mary Jane!”

Mary Jane let out an aggravated sigh, “God, you are so stupid! You had the perfect guy and you couldn’t hold on to him!”

Jasey got quiet, “He was not perfect. He didn’t even like me.”

“Could have fooled me. God, of course he liked you. You’re all he ever wanted; he just screwed up.”

“No, he screwed you. Or are you already forgetting. Ugh, I’m so tired of this. You know what, thank you. Thank you so god damn much. I don’t need this. I don’t need him.”

That’s when I walked in.

Their eyes landed on me. Mary Jane was shocked, but Jasey was relieved. “Ew, what’s she doing here? Hey, give me that.” Mary Jane ripped her phone out of my hands and went through all her missed messages. “I’ve been looking for this everywhere.” She shot me a dirty look. “Wait, where you the one who told Jasey?” She looked ready to pounce.

“Hey, I’m not the one you should be mad at. If anything be mad at yourself. You’re the one who was helping your best friend’s boyfriend cheat. You would have gotten caught anyways.”

She let out an evil laugh. “You idiotic little freshman. You’re going to regret ever doing that. You’re going to realize that you don’t mess with things that are none of your business.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’d like to see you try.”

She looked like she was in shock. “Excuse me? Are you fucking serious?” She started to laugh uncontrollably. “You’re going to pay for that. I’d watch your back if I were you.”

“Oh, I’m so scared.” I replied sarcastically.

She lurched toward me, but Jasey stopped her.

“God, Mary Jane, don’t you think you’ve caused enough damage today. Leave. Now.”
Mary Jane shook her self off. “Fine, I’ll go,” she pouted. “But this isn’t over,” she said glaring at me.

I rolled my eyes. Like I cared. I was too numb to care.

As soon as Mary Jane left Jasey pulled me in front of the mirror. She pushed me against the sink. Looking at her up close, I could instantly see why Alex liked her. Her brown wavy hair was dark and long, flowing like silk. And her eyes were wide like a deer’s, the type of eyes that told you so much a person, the type of eyes that shined with honesty. She was gorgeous and that fact broke my heart.

She stood in front of me. I had to look up at her, because she was a couple of inches taller. The perfect height for Alex, I thought.

“Are you stupid? Mary Jane will destroy you! Why do you think I put up with her for so long?”

I laughed, “Don’t worry I think I’ll be fine.”

She took a step back so that she wasn’t as close to me. “Um, okay. Just be careful. But, that’s not why I called you down here anyways. I needed to talk to you about Alex.”

I wasn’t expecting that all. I could already feel tension building.“What do you want to talk about?” I asked slowly.

“Well… ugh this is going to sound so… weird—I guess, but I think I might actually like him.” She bit her lip and looked to see what I thought.

I couldn’t breathe. That was it. It was hard enough when Alex liked Jasey, but now that she liked him back. I stood no chance. I thought maybe he would eventually realize that he didn’t like Jasey at all and that I was so much better, but the chances of that happening just flew out the window.

I smiled. This is what Alex wanted and I wanted Alex to be happy right? “Oh, you do? Well that’s great since he likes you too.”

Her eyes hazel eyes sparkled. “I know; he stalks me all the time. I always thought it was creepy, but now I find it really cute, and when I was talking to him Saturday night he was so thoughtful and caring. At first I thought because he’s so much younger than me it would be weird to date him, but then I found out that he’s actually old for his grade, because he’s during sixteen in December.”

I wanted nothing more than for her to stop talking. I tried my best to remain composed, but I had never felt this amount of pain before. It hurt in my chest, a dull aching. I felt like someone out there was punishing me.

“So do you think you could set us up?” Jasey asked hopefully.

Hell to the fucking no! That’s what my head was screaming.

I closed my eyes to keep my eyes from watering and thought it over for a second. I swallowed and tried to sound normal when I told her, “Yeah, I think I could do that.”

Because in my heart I knew that I loved Alex enough to want him to be happy and I knew he’d be happy to with Jasey not me.