All These Keys

She could hear the footsteps coming toward her as she stood on the pier. They were his footsteps. Clomp, clomp, with just a hint of squeak. It was the boots, the black ones, or his default shoes as she liked to call them.

She knew his pants were cuffed, even though they were stuffed down inside the boots. She could hear the faint flapping of his shirt in the cool sea breeze. She imagined his hands were stuffed into his pockets. He always kept them there, except when he was offereing to hold her hand.

"You ran away." His boot made a scuffing sound against the wet wood. She herself was barefoot as she preferred to be.

"I gathered." She took a drag of the cigarette in her hand, chasing the smoke down with the bottle of Ciroc she kept handy, taken from her bedroom.

"You can't keep running away from me. You can't run away from this, I'm not going anywhere and neither is it."

His tone was firm, and she had to hold back her eyes from rolling around in her skull. She could do as she pleased, and there was nothing he could do about it. He could stand there all day, ring her door bell, or even sit in his car outside of her house. She didn't have to be near him, she didn't have to answer, and she didn't have to act like he existed.

"You promised it wouldn't happen." Her tone was just as stern as his, as she continued her smoke and liquor chain.

"No I promised I would try and keep it from happening. Things change, this has changed. You can't stand here and tell me that this, this thing I'm feeling inside of me, isn't even knocking at your door."

"I can tell you anything I want--"

"But it would be a lie. I know what I feel and I can see what you feel. You made me into this. This person who's so far gone that whenever your name comes up in conversation, his mind blanks out, or he stumbles over nothing, or his heart skips a beat. You can't tell me you thought this wasn't gonna happen."

His tone was angrier now, and she had to admit, she didn't like it. He'd never gotten upset with her. She'd pushed and she'd twisted but the aloof smile never left his face.

"I thought it was clear what you'd signed up for."

Her cigarette gone she took a large swig from her Ciroc bottle, the liquid causing her slight discomfort on the way down.

"I didn't know I'd signed up for this. You made me jump through hoops. Asking several times if I could come see you, only to have you say no ninety-nine percent of the time. You let me in and you gave me all these keys--"

"So then why'd you have to go and ruin it, huh? We had a good fucking thing, and you just threw it all to the rocks. So don't go blaming me for shit that was never my fault in the first place. I never told you to fall in love with me!"

She turned to face him.

She was yelling now, angry tears streaming down her face. He knew what he'd signed up for, the day he saw her walking down the hallway, he knew.

He walked to her, his hands wrapping around her arms. Not holding on tight enough to hurt her, but tight enough that she wouldn't be able to run away this time.

"What did you think would happen? You'd give me all the keys to how you work, and I'd just put them on a ring and move on when I was done like some highschool janitor?! Well boo fuckity hoo, for things not going your way. I said it before and I'll say it again I lo--"

"Stop it! Just stop saying it okay! You don't love me, and you don't care about me! You have the keys you wanted from me, why isn't that enough! You don't love me so just stop saying it."

Her teeth were bared as her green eyes stared watery into his own brown eyes. She was struggling against him, her tiny fists shaking beside her head.

"I may have all the ones I want but you're not giving me the one I need. You think I don't love you? You only think that so you don't have to believe in your own head that maybe, just maybe you might love me back. I get that you're scared--"

"You don't get anything!"

"I get that you're scared of being hurt again, and that you're afraid that if you give me that last key, that it could unlock just a tiny bit of happiness for you. You've got it so drilled into your brain that you're not allowed to be happy, that you actually believe it."

"It's because it's true! If I were meant to happy--"

"No, if you were meant to be as unhappy as you think you are, you'd be dead."

She sputtered, her mouth opening and closing like a new goldfish exploring a reef he'd never been to.

"Just give me the key and let me show you, please? Just give me the key."

"I can't, If I admit to myself that you're not just some pretty face in a crowd then--"

He cut her off, placing his lips firmly against hers. The tears falling against both of their lips gently. He let go of her arms, wrapping his own around her and pulling her closer. Her fists beat against his chest, each blow becoming as half-hearted than the one before it. Finally she gave up, she let him kiss her, her own arms coming to wrap around his neck, as she deepened the kiss.

"Just give me the key." He pulled away, whispering those words like a mantra, in her ear.

She kept shaking her head, but he just continued to chant it, waiting for her resolve to break. Finally after what felt like hours later she nodded her head, an okay whispered from her lips.

"I love you!"

It came out a sob, and she continued to sob it into his shoulder as he rubbed gentle circles in her back.

His response was the mantra of 'I know' gently whispered against her hair.