How my end came to be.

Everything seemed a blur, my mind was racing wondering how this situation came to be. What was left of my sanity and good will screamed at me to listen to reason.

I was beyond such things now. I stared into the barrel of the gun, my hands trembling thinking of all the reasons why I should and shouldn’t pull the trigger.

A man stood in the doorway, I wondered how the whispering voice in my head somehow became a person. His red eyes were staring at me as if imploring me to pull the trigger. His smile was terrifying, and his voice, was like a thousand needles in my heart.

“What are you waiting for?” He asked. “Don't you understand she does not love you anymore, your friends have abandoned you like I told you they would. Why continue this struggle?”

I looked at him trying to somehow contradict what he was saying, trying to prove him wrong. My mind came up blank.

“Let me show you whats really happening.” He said putting his hand on my shoulder.

Suddenly I saw visions of a girl, the love of my life. She was laughing and having a wonderful time. Then I saw the other person. They were both having a wonderful time together. Embracing each other, staring at each other, truly lost within each other.

As my mind came to reality, tears streamed down my face.

“You are nothing to her.” He said to me. “No one else will truly love you. You are worthless. Only death can save you now.”

I tried to get a grip on the gun and hold it without shaking but it was impossible.

The man, the voice in my head, came over to me and held the gun to my head.

“Pull the trigger.” He said. “End all this lies, end all you're suffering. Why stick around?”

Part of my mind screamed at me to see sense and reason. To fight this person in front of me, contradict what he was saying to me.

My mind went to all my friends, how I would miss them terribly. How much I would give to spend time with them. But I was all alone now, only the comforting voice of my sorrow was here to keep me company.

“Don't dwell on your friends. You are just a burden to them, you waste there time with your pathetic existence. Let go, let them live there lives without something weighing them down.”

I stared at the man in front of me, what was left of my good reason started screaming at me. It told me how wrong this was, how wrong he was, how much my friends loved me, how there was always another chance at love.

Suddenly the voice stopped. Silence filled the room. I decided I had to think things out on my own now.

“Do you truly believe you can make a difference to this world? Do you truly believe you had an impact on peoples lives? You are nothing but a burden on everything you encounter. People look at you in disgust.”

I stared at him, he's never said anything this harsh before. Oddly enough I found truth in what he was saying. My mind was no longer spinning, the choice was mine and I had to make it now.

I started thinking of my friends again, how they helped me out before. Suddenly the memory became a blur. What do I truly remember? What am I making up and what is reality?

I came to my conclusions and looked up at him, his eyes glowing dark red.

“You are right.” I told him.

His eyes seemed to light up and he smiled in delight. “I know I am right.” He put a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You see, all I am trying to do is get you away from this harsh world, a world that cannot accept someone like you. If you looked up worthless in the dictionary, you would find a picture of yourself. Everyone knows this but for years you have been oblivious of this truth. Now you know what I am saying is true. End your suffering my boy, end it now before things truly get worse.”

I smiled at him and nodded, everything he said making sense now. I truly understood what he has been saying to me. The truth was all around me screaming at me, I was not aware of it until now. I was truly awaken to the harsh reality of this world.

“Thank you.” I said to him. “Thank you for showing me the error of my ways, thank you for helping me make this decision.”

With a trembling hand I reached up and pushed the trigger.