Untangle Me

“I’m really worried.” I told Mary. “Why won’t he answer any of my calls?”
“I don’t know Jamie. I asked Kenny if he knew what was up and he got all weird and then said he had to go. He hasn’t called since either.” She replied.
“Same thing happened to me with Pat.” I sighed. “Everything was going so well. I don’t know what happened.” I curled up into a tighter ball on the couch. The guys had been away for 2 months and still had another month to go. Everything really was going well. John and I talked everyday. We were both handling it well, or so I thought. Then suddenly, three days ago, he stopped calling and wouldn’t answer my calls. The boys know something, but none of them will tell. I didn’t want to be clingy, but it’s not the fact that he’s not calling, it’s just that I feel that something is really wrong.
“I can’t take it anymore.” I huffed, sitting up and grabbing my phone. I wrote John a text:
‘John, please call me. I’m really worried. I know something is wrong and it’s killing me.’
I waited but no answer came. Fed up, I took my phone into my room and laid on the bed, curling myself up into the sheets. I didn’t know what time it was, and I didn’t care. I just wanted to sleep, to get away from everything for a couple hours. But sleep never came. I stared into thin air and thought about everything. My damn thoughts filling my mind and blocking me from peaceful sleep. I didn’t realize I had been clutching my phone the whole time until it started ringing. I jumped slightly, being spooked out of my trance. I looked down at my phone and saw John’s name. I also saw the time: 2:46 am. Well at least he was calling. I sat up and answered it tentatively; nervous about what might come from this conversation.
“John?” I asked.
“You’re awake…” He replied surprised. He sounded drained.
“Yeah…” I said, not sure what to say.
“I’m sorry I haven’t called.”
“Is there a reason you haven’t?”
“Yes.”
“What is it?”
“Because I knew this call might be the end of us. And I’m not ready to lose you.” He said, his voice cracking. This surprised me.
“Why are you going to lose me…?” I asked hesitantly, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.
“I did something bad Jamie.”
“What did you do?” I asked, but I’m pretty sure I knew the answer. There was a long pause before he spoke.
“I slept with someone.” He said quietly. I covered my eyes with my free hand, fighting back the tears. When I didn’t reply, he continued. “There was a party, and I got really drunk. And there was this girl that kind of looked like you cause she had blonde hair and blue eyes. And I just missed you so much and… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. I don’t remember much except for waking up next to her. I’m so sorry Jamie. I know that there’s nothing I can do to make this okay. But please know that I’ll regret doing this to you for the rest of my life. And don’t blame the guys for not telling you. I made them promise not to. I needed you to hear this from me. They all hate me now anyway. Especially Pat. But Jamie, if you can somehow forgive me for this, not even forgive me, just give me a chance, I promise that I’ll do anything and everything to fix this.” He finished, sounding completely defeated. After a while replied.
“How could you do this John?” I ask, on the verge of breaking down. “I trusted you. I loved you… I thought you loved me. How could you hurt me like this?” I was so distraught. But I was also furious. Partly at him, but also at myself, because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to forgive him, no matter how much I loved him. “How do expect me to believe that you ever even loved me? You don’t cheat on people you love John.”
“Jamie. Please don’t say that. I love you so much, more than anything. I hate myself for hurting you. Just please, please, let me make this up to you. Give me another chance. I can prove to you how much you mean to me.” He begged.
“You already did prove how much I meant to you. The second you got into bed with her. I’m sorry John. I just can’t. I can’t be okay with this, no mater how much I wish I could be. It’s…it’s over John.” I said and hung up quickly before I could change my mind. Hearing him beg for me back broke me, and I couldn’t take any more of it. I wiped my eyes and cheeks, not having realized how much I had been crying. I got up, leaving my phone, and went to Mary’s room. I opened her door and stood in her doorway.
“Mary?” I asked through a sob. She stirred slightly and I saw her head pop up in the dark.
“Jamie? Are you crying? Oh my god, what happened?” She asked sitting up. I shuffled over to her bed and climbed in, falling into her and letting her comfort me.
“He cheated on me. It’s over.” It was all I got out before beginning to sob uncontrollably. It had never been easy to make me cry, but my heart had never been so broken. I truly thought he was the one; that he was never going to hurt me.
“I’m so sorry Jamie.” Mary said, rubbing my back soothingly.
“I was right Mary, I told you it wasn’t going to work. The odds just weren’t in our favor. But I decided to listen to my heart instead of my head. And do see where that got me? Heart-broken.” I told her through my sobs.
“You have to trust in your heart Jamie. It knows what it’s doing.” She defended.
“No. I’m done listening to my heart.”